Tuesday, September 12, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES DOESN'T THINK CHRISTMAS IS SO HOT!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

THIS JUST IN!

ALBERTO GONZALES DOESN'T THINK CHRISTMAS IS SO HOT!

AND HE'S NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT JULY 4TH EITHER!

SPEAKING TO THE GLITTERATI AT THE 54TH ANNUAL ATTORNEY GENERAL'S AWARDS CEREMONY, INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-A-LIKE AND ATTORNEY GENERAL SUCKED UP HARD FOR THIS YEAR'S J. EDGAR HOOVER MEMORIAL AWARD BY OPENING WITH, "THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE EVENTS OF THE YEAR." TAKE THAT CHRISTMAS AND JULY 4TH!

WEARING A SILK BLUE VERA WANG WRAP, OLIVE PARKA HIKING BOOTS AND A WRIST CORSAGE, GONZALES WAS KISSING MAJOR ATTORNEY BUTT AFTER HIS MYSTERIOUS SHUT OUT IN THE CATEGORY OF MOST VILE CREATURE IN LAW (INSIDERS SWEAR RICHARD POSNER IS A LOCK IN THIS CATEGORY).

DABBING A TEAR FROM HIS EYE (EMCEE ANTON SCALIA HISSED IT WAS A CROCODILE TEAR INTENDED TO GARNER SYMPATHY), GONZALES DECLARED, "SOMETIMES OUR JOBS REQUIRE US TO SPEND MORE WAKING HOURS WITH OUR PROFESSIONAL FAMILIES THAN OUR ACTUAL FAMILIES, AT HOME" BEFORE ADDING, "FORTUNATELY ILLEGAL, WARRANTLESS WIRETAPPING ALLOWS US TO KEEP A CLOSE WATCH ON OUR FAMILIES THE SAME WAY IT ALLOWS US TO SPY ON OTHER AMERICANS."

THE REMARK WAS GREETED WITH ONLY MODERATE LAUGHTER AND IT WAS, LOUDLY, NOTED THAT WHEN GONZALES TURNED TO LEAVE THE STAGE, THE BACK OF HIS WRAP WAS TUCKED INTO HIS PANTY HOSE.

THOUGH HE ARRIVED STAG, GONZALES INSISTED THAT RICHARD NIXON WAS HIS DATE FOR THE EVENING "IN SPIRIT."


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