Friday, February 10, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY HITS THE FAN!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
7:22pm revised edition

TODAY IN WASHINGTON, DC. BULLY BOY RAGED AGAINST CONDI RICE.

"SHE GETS AWAY WITH IT! SHE ALWAYS GETS AWAY WITH IT!" BULLY BOY WHINED STOMPING HIS FEET.

BULLY BOY WAS REFERRING TO HIS PREVIOUS PUBLIC EXCUSE FOR THE BREAKDOWN FOLLOWING HURRICANE KATRINA: "I DON'T THINK ANYBODY ANTICIPATED THE BREACH OF THE LEVEES."

"CONDI GETS AWAY WITH IT!" INSISTED BULLY BOY. "WHY, OH WHY
CAN'T I?"

SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, WHITE HOUSE PET, AND VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY ATTEMPTED TO COMFORT THE BULLY BOY AS MICHAEL "BROWNIE" BROWN TESTIFIED IN PUBLIC TO A SENATE COMMITTEE HEARING.

SOBBING, BULLY BOY DEMANDED RICE.

"CONDI SHOULD BE HERE! WHERE IS SHE?" BULLY BOY DEMANDED.

"SHE'S TALKING TO VLADIMIR PUTIN ABOUT HAMAS," VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY EXPLAINED.

"HAMAS! THIS IS NO TIME TO BE SWAPPING RECIPES!"

Related: "Thomas Friedman plays the woman scorned."
"NYT: 'White House Knew of Levee's Failure on Night of Storm' (Eric Lipton)"



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Thursday, February 09, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY STRUGGLES TO WRITE LATEST BOOK!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY IS BUSY WRITING HIS FORTHCOMING BOOK ON TAPE: HOW TO PUSH THE PRESS AROUND. BUT THE PROJECT HIT A SNAG TODAY.
 
BULLY BOY, GIGGLING, EXPLAINED,  "AS ME AND KARL LEARNED, QUICKEST WAY TO GET THE NEW YORK TIMES TO SHUT UP IS TO THREATEN THEM.  KEPT 'EM OFF THE VALERIE PLAME STORY AND NOW IT'S KEEPING THEM OFF THE NSA STORY.  SURE THEY'LL DO THEIR NAGGING EDITORIALS BUT I SEE THOSE LIKE MAMA'S CRIES OF 'GEORGE, DON'T YOU OPEN THAT CAN OF SODA UNLESS YOU PLAN TO DRINK THE WHOLE THING!'  YOU JUST BLOW IT OFF."
 
PLEASED WITH HIS LATEST CHAPTER, BULLY BOY SAID,  "I'M DONE FOR THE DAY, DICK, SHOW ME HOW TO TURN THIS THING OFF."
 
"THE STAPLER, SIR?" ASKED DICK CHENEY.
 
 
RELATED: "Other Items."
 
 
 

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY WONDERS ABOUT THE MOURNERS YESTERDAY

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
 
THIS JUST IN.
 
BULLY BOY CONTINUES TO SCRATCH HIS HEAD OVER THE FUNERAL OF CORETTA SCOTT KING YESTERDAY.
 
"WHERE WAS EVERYONE?" BULLY BOY ASKED SCOTTY MCCLELLAN TODAY.  "I KEPT LOOKING FOR JAMES TAYLOR AND NEVER SAW HIM. AND HE SAID 'YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND'!"
 
THEN TO CONDI RICE, BULLY BOY SAID,  "CONDI, I NEVER KNEW TAPESTRY WAS SO POPULAR WITH YOUR PEOPLE."
 
INSTEAD OF CORRECTING HIM, RICE MERELY GRINNED, SAT DOWN AT THE PIANO AND BEGAN SERENADING BULLY BOY WITH "WHERE YOU LEAD (I WILL FOLLOW)." 
 
"AH, THAT'S NICE," BULLY BOY SAID,  "REAL NICE.  I SHOULD HAVE INVITED CORETTA KING TO PERFORM AT THE WHITE HOUSE.  ALWAYS DID LOVE 'i FEEL THE EARTH MOVE.' "
 
 

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CHENEY'S HIJINKS

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN.

MAINSTREAM PRESS COMPLETELY LOST ON WHAT TO WRITE OR SAY RE: DOMESTIC SPYING ON AMERICANS WITHOUT WARRANTS.

"WE ARE WINNING!" DECLARES VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY.

"NEXT YEAR, WE WILL DECLARE THE ENTIRE MAINLAND A BATTLE ZONE AND CITE AS PROOF THE GONZALES TESTIMONY IN THE SENATE YESTERDAY AND THE FACT THAT NO 1 OBJECTED IN THE SENATE TO OUR DEFINING THE PARIMETERS OF THE BATTLE FIELD. WE HAVE WON! WE HAVE WON!"

LIKE A GLEEFUL, YOUNG SCHOOL BOY, CHENEY WANTED A REWARD AND SO DECIDED TO ORDER ANOTHER AIR STRIKE ON NORTHERN IRAQ.

AUTHORIZING THE DROPPING OF TWO 500LB 'DEVICES' CHENEY BEGAN TO GIGGLE AND HOP FROM FOOT TO FOOT EXCLAIMING "WOO-HOO! IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!"






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Monday, February 06, 2006

THIS JUST IN! "GET MRS. GONZALES HERE PRONTO!"

BULLY BOY PRESS -- DC.

THIS JUST IN.

OFFERING THE 'RULES? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING RULES!' DEFENSE
ALBERTO GONZALES.

ALBERTO GONZALES, WHO RECENTLY WAS AWARDED 1ST PRIZE IN A BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE CONTEST, ATTEMPTS TO WARD OFF QUESTIONS WITH THE FOLLOWING:

"I DON'T RECALL."

"I HAVE NO PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE."

THE STRATEGY IS TO PLAY DUMB AND VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS CONVINCED GONZALES IS PERFECT FOR THE JOB.

PROBLEMS SURFACING.

IN REPLY TO GONZALES EVASIONS, SENATOR PATRICK LEAHY SAID, "OF COURSE, I'M SORRY MISTER ATTORNEY GENERAL, I FORGOT, YOU CAN'T ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS THAT ARE RELEVANT TO THIS INQUIRY."

SENATOR ORRIN HATCH WAS HEARD TO HISS TO BOY TOY SENATOR JOHN CORNYN, "GET MRS. GONZALES HERE PRONTO!"

SENATOR JOHN CORNYN RESPONDED, "PRONTO? ORRIN, YOU KNOW I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!"

THE PLAN IS TO ATTEMPT TO PUT MRS. GONZALES DIRECTLY BEHIND ALBERTO GONZALES SO THAT SHE CAN BURST INTO TEARS SHOULD THE QUESTIONING REALLY COME TO LIFE.


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This Just In! Bully Boy Will Attend Coretta Scott King Funeral!

BULLY BOY PRESS -- DC.

THIS JUST IN

BULLY BOY WILL ATTEND CORETTA SCOTT KING FUNERAL.

AFTER EARLIER SAYING HE WOULD NOT ATTEND THE WHITE HOUSE HAS REALIZED THE HISTORICAL IMPORTANCE OF CORETTA SCOTT KING.

TUESDAY, BULLY BOY WILL ATTEND THE FUNERAL SERVICE.

SAID BULLY BOY, "I LOVED CORETTA KING. I HAD ALL HER ALBUMS. TAPESTERY ROCKED!"

RELATED: "Editorial: Does The New York Times editorial board not know that Coretta Scott King died or do they just not care?"



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