Friday, March 24, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN SET OF RIDERS

BULLY BOY PRESS IN COLLABORATION WITH CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - DC.

UPDATED AT 8:15 P.M.
THIS JUST IN!

CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN SET OF RIDERS.

THE REVELATIONS THAT DICK CHENEY WOULD NOT TOUR WITHOUT A SET OF DEMANDS BEING MET AT EACH STOP HAS LED TO NEWS THAT HE IS NOT ALONE.

SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN LIST OF DEMANDS WHEN SHE IS ON THE ROAD.

AT THE TOP OF THE RICE LIST IS THE FOLLOWING "ALL DEMANDS MUST BE MET OR SECRETARY RICE WILL NOT SPEAK AND MAY ORDER THE BOMBING OF YOUR LOCATION."

THE LIST:

*SANDWICH FIXINGS
MUST INCLUDE:

WHITE BREAD
WHITE MEAT TURKEY
MAYO
WHITE CHEESE (MONTEREY)



*DESSERTS ON HAND SHOULD INCLUDE:
VANILLA ICE CREAM
VANILLA PUDDING
WHITE CAKE
WHITE CHOCOLATE ONLY ***NEVER DARK CHOCOLATE***
NO "ESKIMO PIES" **NOTE THAT SECRETARY RICE DOES NOT FIND THAT AMUSING THE WAY COLIN POWELL DID***
*SUITE MUST BE HAVE PLUSH CARPET, WHITE CARPET. WALLS OF SUITE MUST BE PAINTED WHITE.



*SUITE SHOULD CONTAIN A HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER


*CDS SHOULD BE PROVIDED.
MUSIC SHOULD INCLUDE CDS BY:
THE BEACH BOYS
BARRY MANILOW
ELVIS PRESLEY
EDGAR WINTER


*DVDS SHOULD BE PROVIDED
DVDS SHOULD INCLUDE:
SONG OF THE SOUTH
GONE WITH THE WIND
ANY MOVIE BY WOODY ALLEN


*SECRETARY RICE DOES NOT ***DOES NOT*** TAKE HER COFFEE "BLACK." ROOM SERVICE SHOULD NEVER ASK THAT QUESTION.


*SECRETARY RICE INSISTS UPON WHITE LINENS FOR BEDDING. NO PATTERNS, NO COLORS.

*WHEN THE SECRETARY REQUESTS "RICE" IT IS TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT SHE MEANS "WHITE RICE." ***NOT BROWN RICE, NOT DIRTY RICE.****


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Thursday, March 23, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY ANNOUNCES LATEST MISSION FOR BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY ANNOUNCES LATEST MISSION FOR BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY!
 
 
BULLY BOY URGED A "CIVIL DEBATE" WHICH MEANS KARL ROVE IS CURRENTLY USING THE CIA, NSA, FBI AND SEVERAL CPAS TO DIG UP DIRT ON ALL OPPONENTS AND NEEDS AT LEAST 24 MORE HOURS BEFORE HE'S PREPARED TO BEGIN LEAKING TO THE PRESS.
 
 
 
 

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CHENEY SPILLS ALL!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
DICK CHENEY SPILLS ALL.!
 
MUSIC GANGSTA AND FAILED OSCAR NOMINEE DICK CHENEY SAID NO MORE MOVIES FOR HIM.
 
"I'M DONE WITH THAT," SAID THE VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY.  "BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME.  NOT EVEN THE SHOOTING SCENES."
 
WHEN ASKED OF THE LOVE SCENES, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY GLOWERED BEFORE DISMISSING THE TOPIC.
 
"THAT'S ALL BEHIND ME,"  CHENEY SAID WITH A FLASH OF BLING-BLING. "I'M A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER NOW."
 
NOTING THAT THERE HAD BEEN "TOO MUCH DR. PHIL" AND "NOT ENOUGH OPRAH IN MY BAG," VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY SAYS HE WANTS TO WORK ON BECOMING "THE MASTER OF ALL MEDIA."
 
WHEN REMINDED OF A POPULAR DC JOKE ("IF CHENEY EMERGES FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION ON FEBRUARY 2ND AND SEES HIS SHADOW THERE WILL BE 6 MORE WEEKS OF WINTER"), THE VICE PRESIDENT DISMISSED ALL THAT AS "SO YESTERDAY, SO DAVE CHAPPELLE."
 
INSTEAD, DICK CHENEY WANTS TO "SPREAD LOVE AND JOY" HE OFFERED IN A LOW GROWL.
 
REFERENCING HIS SPEECH AT SCOATT AIR FORCE BASE THE DAY BEFORE, THE VICE PRESIDENT SAID THAT WAS THE SORT OF ROLE HE SAW HIMSELF IN.
 
ADDRESSING THE CROWD, DICK CHENEY INFORMED THEM, "THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO QUIT.  THAT IS NOT AN OPTION."
 
"I BRING JOY, I CREATE REALITY," EXPLAINED THE VICE PRESIDENT.
 
WHEN ASKED IF HE MEANT A WORD HE SAID, THE VICE PRESIDENT SEMI-BEATIFIC MANNER MOMENTARILY SLID.  FORCING A SMILE, CHENEY STATED THAT THE KEY TO THE MOTIVATIONAL CIRCUIT IS "NEVER SHARING ANYTHING YOU BELIEVE IN, NEVER UTTERING A TRUTH."
 
WITH THAT THE INTERVIEW CONCLUDED AS SCOOTS LIBBY ENTERED THE DRESSING ROOM CARRYING THE WHITE FUR CAPE THE VICE PRESIDENT QUICKLY DONNED.  BLOWING KISSES AT A FEW STARTLED PASSER BYS, CHENEY CLIMBED INTO A LIMO WHICH PULLED AWAY TO THE STRAIN OF "DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY."
 
 
 

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SAYS TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS!
 
TODAY BULLY BOY BRAGGED THAT HE WAS "OPTIMISTIC" AND THAT PART OF THE OPTIMISM WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.
 
IN WHAT IS BEING BILLED AS HIS "SPIT ON THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES" BULLY BOY RESPONDED TO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHEN THE TROOPS MIGHT LEAVE IRAQ, "THAT WILL BE DECIDED BY FUTURE PRESIDENTS AND FUTURE GOVERNMENTS OF IRAQ."
 
THOUGH BULLY BOY TRIED TO APPEAR UPBEAT THIS WAVE OF OPERATION HAPPY TALK IS LIKELY TO GO OVER WELL.
 
NO DOUBT BULLY BOY WILL BE HELPED BY A CORPORATE PRESS WHICH PREFERS TO COVER PHONEY TREND STORIES AS OPPOSED TO WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING ON THE GROUND.
 
 
 
 

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Monday, March 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY WON'T CALL IT "WAR"!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY WON'T CALL IT "WAR"!
 
THROUGHOUT SUNDAY, BULLY BOY ATTEMPTED TO LAUNCH YET ANOTHER WAVE OF OPERATION HAPPY TALK REGARDING IRAQ.  AS PART OF THE NEW ROLL OUT, HE REFUSED TO CALL IT "WAR."
 
WHEN ASKED IF HE HAD A NASTY CASE OF "WAR GOT YOUR TONGUE?", WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTT MCCLELLAN ATTEMPTED TO DEFUSE THE SITUATION BY SAYING THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO "AVOID" THE TERM, HE HAD SIMPLY FORGOTTEN THAT WE WERE, IN FACT, AT WAR.
 
SAID MCCLELLAN,  "BULLY BOY FORGETS MANY THINGS.  SOMETIMES HE FORGOTS TO FLUSH.  SOMETIMES HE FORGETS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.  SOMETIMES HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM BUT FORGETS TO PHYSICALLY GO TO A BATHROOM FIRST.  HE HAS A LOT ON HIS MIND.  IT IS A GREAT MIND.  IT IS AN IMPORTANT MIND.  ALL PRAISE THE BULLY BOY."
 
IN OTHER NEWS, MARCHERS MARCHED ON THE PENTAGON TODAY AND ATTEMPTED TO DELIVER A COFFIN TO DONALD RUMSFELD.  THE EFFORT PROVED UNSUCCESSFUL AS POLICE REFUSED TO LET NEAR THE PENTAGON.
 
COMMENTED ONE POLICE OFFICER WHO ASKED NOT TO BE NAMED,  "SECRETARY RUMSFELD IS REALLY AFRAID THAT A PINK SLIP IS COMING HIS WAY.  HE TOLD US 'DON'T LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.'  THIS REQUEST MEANT WE HAD TO TASER A HIGHLY AGITATED JOHN BOLTON.  WELL ... WE DIDN'T HAVE TO.  IT WAS JUST TOO FUN TO RESIST."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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