Friday, June 23, 2006

THIS JUST IN! THE WHITE HOUSE THUMBS ITS NOSE AT THE SUPREME COURT!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

MUST CREDIT CEDRIC'S BIG MIX & BULLY BOY PRESS.

THE WHITE HOUSE THUMBS ITS NOSE AT THE SUPREME COURT!

NOTHING NEW THERE, SOME INSIDERS SCOFF. BUT TODAY WHITE HOUSE SPOKESPERSON AND PROFESSIONAL NOSE PICKER TONY SNOW DECLARED THAT EVEN IF THE SUPREME COURT SHOULD RULE THAT "THE DETENTION CAMP" (AKA THE PRISON) AT GUANTANAMO BAY MUST BE CLOSED, "THE PROCESS IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME."

APPARENTLY BUYING INTO THE "CAMP" SPIN, TONY SNOW EXPLAINED THAT CAMP COUNSELORS (GUARDS) AND CAMPERS (PRISONERS) WOULD NEED TIME TO GATHER MEMEMTOS AND TO "REALLY GIVE SUMMER A GOOD SEND OFF. MAYBE ROAST SOME MARSHMELLOWS OR WIENIES, SING SOME CAMP SONGS, HAVE SOME GROUP HUGS."

IN OTHER TALES OF THE RIDICULOUS, THE SENATE TOOK A LOOK AT LIFE IN THE WEST BANK AND GAZA AND DECIDED TO CUT OFF U.S. AID TO . . . PALESTINIANS. THIS AS AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL IS CALLING FOR AN INVESTIGATION "TO EXAMINE THE CIRCUMSTANCES IN WHICH SCORES OF PALESTINIANS HAVE BEEN KILLED BY ISRAELI FORCES IN THE GAZA STRIP IN RECENT MONTHS." IN AN APPARENT ATTEMPT TO WOO THE RIGHT-WING LOBBY, SENATOR JOE BIDEN, SERIAL WOODSHEDDER, PUT HIS NAME TO THE BILL AS CO-SPONSOR WHICH MEANS SOMEONE ELSE WROTE IT.

NO WORD ON WHEN THE SENATE WILL BLOCK AID TO THE LIKUD GOVERNMENT IN ISRAEL UNTIL IT PROMISES TO RENOUNCE VIOLENCE AND RECOGNIZE PALESTINE'S RIGHT TO EXIST.

FINALLY, WHILE FEW WERE LOOKING, THE FCC PULLED THEIR OWN SUPERBOWL-LIKE STUNT BY FLASHING SOMETHING FAR MORE FRIGHTENING THAN A NIPPLE RING -- THE REPUBLICAN DOMINATED COMMITTEE DECIDED WEDNESDAY TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOT AT MEDIA OWNERSHIP RULES.


IN THEIR PRESS RELEASE, THE FCC OUTLINES THEIR "ISSUES" AS QUESTIONS:


Should the Commission revise the limits adopted in the 2002 Biennial Review Order on the number of stations that can be commonly owned in one market, or is there additional evidence or analysis available now upon which the Commission can rely to further justify the limits adopted then?
§ Similarly, in order to address the court's concerns, should the Commission revise these numerical limits or is additional evidence available to further justify them?
§ How should the Commission address radio/television and newspaper/broadcast cross-ownership issues?

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

THIS JUST IN! PSYCHIC CASEY SAYS "HONEY, THEY SHRUNK THE ARMY!"

BULLY BOY PRESS -DC.

THIS JUST IN!

GEORGE CASEY IS KNOWN FOR MANY THINGS: POINTING AT REPORTERS AS THOUGH HE WERE SHOOTING A GUN, PURSING HIS LIPS LIKE ONE OF THOSE UGLY "REAL" MODELS IN A CK1 ADVERTISEMENT, AND BEING A FOUR STAR GENERAL.

HE'S JUST ADDED A NEW SKILL TO HIS RESUME! FORETELLER OF THE FUTURE!

PSYCHIC GEORGE, THE BIG ENCHILADA IN IRAQ, PREDICTS TODAY THAT THE U.S. MILITARY PRESENCE IN IRAQ WILL SHRINK.

WITH SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND PROFESSIONAL LIAR DONALD RUMSFELD AT HIS SIDE, PSYCHIC GEORGE DECLARED, "I'M CONFIDENT THAT WE'LL BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO TAKE REDUCTIONS OVER THE COURSE OF THIS YEAR."

BEFORE YOU RAISE YOUR HAND TO SHOW YOU TOO ARE SURE, REMEMBER HE WAS STANDING BESIDE THE PROFESSIONAL LIAR.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID IN JANUARY OF THIS YEAR, "THE FORCES ARE STRETCHED. I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANY QUESTION ABOUT THAT."

HAVE MORE FORCES BEEN PUT ON THE GROUND? HAVE RECRUITMENT LEVELS SOARED? DID THE CHAOS AND VIOLENCE STOP IN IRAQ?

NO. NO. AND, NO.

BUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT THE TROOPS HOME, THERE'S AN ELECTION IN NOVEMBER AND PROFESSIONAL LIAR DONALD RUMSFELD TROTTED CASEY OUT TO DO A 'TRICK' FOR THE PRESS. TOMORROW, RUMORS SAY, RUMSFELD WILL THROW A STICK ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN AND GENERAL CASEY WILL RETRIEVE IT.


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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

THIS JUST IN! WHO'S TRAVELING WITH THE BULLY BOY!


BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

WHO'S TRAVELING WITH THE BULLY BOY!

AS THE GLOBE REPORTS LAURA'S WALKED OUT ON THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES, WHO IS THAT WOMAN TRAVELING THROUGH AUSTRIA WITH HIM?

BULLY BOY PRESS EXCLUSIVE. IT'S THE LOOK ALIKE IMPOSTER WHO HAS BEEN SHOWING UP AT WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCES SOUSED ON LONE START BEER.

THE ALLEGED FIRST LADY LAURA SAID IN AUSTRIA TODAY, "WE GET UP ABOUT 5:30 A.M. THE . . . [UNINTELLIGABLE; EDITOR'S NOTE: "BULLY BOY"] GETS UP AND GOES IN AND GETS THE COFFEE AND BRINGS IT BACK TO ME IN BED. VERY NICE OF HIM."


GOES IN? "GOES IN?"

GOES IN WHERE? TO DENNY'S?

THE FIRST LADY IMPOSTER IS OBVIOUSLY UNAWARE THAT COFFEE IS MADE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. WILL ANYONE NOTICE?



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""

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! TONY SNOW THINKS HE'S PARIS HITLON!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

TONY SNOW THINKS HE'S PARIS HILTON.

PRESSED TO ADDRESS THAT FACT THAT NORTH KOREA SEEMS UNWILLING TO PAY THE UNITED STATES NO EVER MIND, WHITE HOUSE MOUTH TONY SNOW DECLARED THAT NORTH KOREA WAS HEARING THE U.S. LOUD AND CLEAR IN A NON "YOU HEAR ME NOW?" CELL PHONE COMMERCIAL.

SNOW STATED THAT EVEN IF THE UNITED STATES WAS IN THE DARK, NORTH KOREA KNEW, THEY DAMN WELL KNEW. THEY GOT THE MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR.

"DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T HEAR IT. IT JUST MEANS YOU DON'T."

CONTRAST WITH PARIS HILTON IN APRIL OF 2005: "IT'S NOT BIG SECRET THAT NICOLE AND I HARD NO LONGER FRIENDS. I WILL NOT GO INTO THE DETAILS OF WHAT HAPPENED. ALL I WILL SAY IS THAT NICOLE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID AND THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY ABOUT IT."

SAID A WHITE HOUSE SOURCE WHO IS NOT FORMER WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, "WHAT'S NEXT? THE TONY SNOW SEX TAPE? THINGS WERE SO MUCH CLASSIER WHEN I WAS -- WHEN THAT NICE SCOTT MCLELLAN WAS WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY."


"OH WELL," THE UNNAMED INSIDE SOURCE SHRUGGED BEFORE ASKING, "THINK FOX WOULD LET ME AUDITION FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE?"


HEADING OFF TO AUDITION FOR A SEASON OF THE SIMPLE LIFE.







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