THIS JUST ! TRANSLATIONS FRIGHTEN THE BULLY BOY

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

TRANSLATIONS FRIGHTEN THE BULLY BOY!

 

POSSIBLY EXPLAINING THE FAILURES OF THE FBI TRANSLATION DEPARTMENT, BULLY BOY DECLARED HIMSELF FRIDAY AS AGAINST THE SINGING OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IN SPANISH.

 

WHEN ASKED WHY, BULLY BOY REPLIED, "PEOPLE GOT TOO MUCH . . . TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS.  WE GOT TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS GOING ON.  WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO MISCOMMUNICATE.  TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS.  WE LET THIS ONE SLIDE BY AND PRETTY SOON 'SWEET HOME ALABAMA' BECOMES 'SWEET CASA JUAREZ.'  WHERE DOES IT END?  IT'S LIKE WHEN I GO TO TACO BELL.  I WON'T ORDER A 'BURRITO.'  I ASK FOR THE 'WRAP AROUND.'  IT'S ABOUT BEING AMERICAN.  OR LIKE WHEN I DRINK A

. . . WHEN I USED TO DRINK.  I WON'T ORDER A 'MARGARITA.'  I ASK FOR, I ASKED FOR A SLURPEE WITH ALCOHOL.  IT'S ABOUT SAVING THE CULTURE.  THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT UPON SAVING CULTURE. THAT'S WHY WE STOOD UP TO THE INJUNS.  IMAGINE IF WE HADN'T DONE THAT.  WE'D ALL BE SPEAKING LAKOTANEESE RIGHT NOW."

 

BULLY BOY ALSO SPOKE OUT AGAINST THE MAY 1ST BOYCOTTS AND WORK STOPPAGE. 

 

"IF PEOPLE STOP WORKING FOR A DAY," HE EXPLAINED, "WE MIGHT HAVE LESS CARS ON THE ROAD.  THAT COULD CREATE AN ENERGY CRISIS.  I'M DEALING WITH GLOBAL WARMING BY REDUCING THE EMISSIONS LAWS.  PEOPLE NEED TO DEAL WITH THE RISING PRICE OF GAS BY GOING ABOUT THEIR DAILY BUSINESS IN AS MANY CARS AS POSSIBLE.  GET ON THE ROAD, DRIVE TO WORK.  DRIVE FROM WORK.  DRIVE AROUND YOUR CITY.  USE THE GAS.  THAT'S HOW WE CONFRONT AN ENERGY CRISIS.  ME AND DICK [CHENEY] ARE SERIOUSLY DISCUSSING USING NUKES ON PEOPLE WHO RIDE BUSES.  IF WE DON'T CONFRONT THE ENEMY IN FRONT OF US, HE MIGHT SNEAK UP BEHIND US.  DICK SAYS THEY GIVE WEDGIES AND WET WILLIES AND I AM THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD SO I'LL BE DADGUMMED IF ANY ONE'S GOING TO DO THAT TO ME.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.  GOD BLESS AMERICA.  VOTE FOR ME IN 2006.  GOD BLESS YOU."

 

WHEN NEW WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG TONY SNOW WAS ASKED ABOUT THE "VOTE FOR ME IN 2006" COMMENT, HE REPLIED, "THE BULLY BOY IS ALWAYS RUNNING.  HE IS A MAN OF ACTION.  HE NEVER STOPS."

 

WHEN PRODDED FURTHER, WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SNOW REFUSED TO CONCEED THAT THE BULLY BOY HAD MISPOKEN. 

 

"OUR LEADER DOES NOT MISSPEAK," INSISTED SNOW.  "THE PEOPLE MAY MISHEAR, BUT BULLY BOY NEVER MISSPEAKS.  IN FACT IT IS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TO BLAME FOR US BEING IN IRAQ.  THEY MISHEARD.  THE BULLY BOY DID NOT MISPEAK."

 

SOME WAGS ARE LABELING IT: "FOX COMES TO THE WHITE HOUSE."

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! "BROKEBACK EACH OTHER'S MOUNTAINS!" SCREAMS SNOW

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

"BROKEBACK EACH OTHER'S MOUNTAINS!" SCREAMS SNOW.

 

FOLLOWING YESTERDAY'S NEWS THAT BULLY BOY HAD TAPPED IT, TONY SNOW -- SOON TO BE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY AND CUDDLY PET --

ATTEMPTED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT HE IS NOT JUST A BULLY BOY BEEOCH. 

 

DESPITE THIS, PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER AND YENTA, BILLY KRISTOL PRONOUNCED THE NEW RELATIONSHIP AS "HEALTHY."  KRISTOL WENT ON TO DESCRIBE TONY SNOW AS "A HAPPY GO-LUCKY GUY" BUT REFUSED ANY FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS ATTEMPTING TO DETERMINE IF HE WAS SPEAKING "IN CODE."

 

WHEN ASKED WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP HE WAS STRIVING FOR, TONY SNOW REMINDED REPORTERS OF HIS COLUMN WHERE HE USED THE WORD "SIR" TO ADDRESS THE BULLY BOY.  CLEARLY SNOW IS HOPING TO BE THE MARCI TO BULLY BOY'S PEPPERMINT PATTI.  WHILE CONDI RICE'S HAIR CLEARLY MAKES HER LUCY, THE CASTING OF LINUS IS STILL UP IN THE AIR.  DEVELOPING.

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY TAPS IT!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY TAPS IT!

 

"HE WILL BRING A LOT . . .," SOON TO BE FORMER WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN BEGAN BEFORE BREAKING INTO SOBS AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING REPLACED IN BULLY BOY'S HEART BY TV PERSONALITY TONY SNOW WHO BULLY BOY HAS TAPPED TO FILL SCOTTY'S CHAIN-LINK COLLAR.

 

WHILE THIS ROUND OF AMERICAN IDOLATRY PLAYED OUT WITH ALL THE SNAP OF A CLAY AIKEN SONG, BULLY BOY COULD BE SEEN GLOATING WITH TV PERSONALITY TONY SNOW. 

 

"HIS ONLY REAL AMBITION," CONFESSED 1 CLOSE FRIEND, "WAS TO BE CENTER SQUARE ON THE HOLLYWOOD SQAURES.  THEN BULLY BOY TAPPED IT AND NOW THAT'S ALL TONY CAN THINK ABOUT IT."

 

"WHICH MUST BE WHY," OFFERED SOMEONE WHO ASKED TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS BUT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT SCOTT MCCLELLAN, "HE USES THOSE CHEAP CREST STRIPTS FOR HIS FRONT TEETH ONLY."

 

WHILE IT IS TRUE THAT TONY SNOW'S TEETH ARE FAR MORE YELLOW ON THE SIDE, BULLY BOY PRESS HAS BEEN UNABLE TO CONFIRM WHETHER OR NOT SNOW USES CREST-STRIPS.

 

BULLY BOY WAS SEEN STRUTTING THROUGH THE WHITE HOUSE, BACK SLAPPING, AND HOLLERING, "HOOO-WEEE! TAPPED IT!"

 

 

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENT FROM DANNY SCHECHTER:

 

SCHEDULE
Thanks for tuning in. I will be speaking in Boston at Emerson College on Friday at 7 PM. The film The Jihadi and the Journalist which I worked on opens at the Tribeca Film Festival on the 27th, and South African Broadcasting’s SABC 1 airs on April 26th on SABC 1 at 9 PM. Amandla!

 

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THIS JUST IN! THE DEALER IN CHIEF

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

THE DEALER IN CHIEF!

TODAY, AT THE RENEWABLE FUELS ASSOCIATION, BULLY BOY SAID, "OUR ADDICTION TO OIL IS A MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS."

THEREFORE, BULLY BOY WILL BE LOWERING ENVIRONMENTAL GUIDELINES BECAUSE "EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS."

SAME THING THE DEALER ON THE CORNER OUTSIDE THE MIDDLE SCHOOL SAYS.



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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY NEEDS HELP COUNTING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - IRVINE, CA.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY NEEDS HELP COUNTING!

SPEAKING IN IRVINE, CALIFORNIA TODAY, BULLY BOY, THE OFFICIAL BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES, ATTEMPTED TO GRAB A LITTLE OF THE IMMIGRATION HEADLINES TO SPIN PEOPLE'S ATTENTION FROM IRAQ.

WHEN THAT DID NOT WORK, BULLY BOY STATED THAT ON THE LARGER ISSUES, HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN, BUT MAYBE THERE WERE SOME MISSTEPS ALONG THE WAY.

MISSTEPS?

MAYBE 2389 MISSTEPS?

HAVING LOST IN THE POLLS, SPECULATIONS ABOUND ABOUT THE BULLY BOY. ONE IS "WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT HE IS CORNERED?" THE OTHER IS "HAS HE LOST IT?"

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