Friday, April 21, 2006

THIS JUST IN! FREE SPEECH DIED TODAY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
FREE SPEECH DIED TODAY!
 
THURSDAY, AT A JOINT APPEARANCE BY BULLY BOY AND UP AND COMING BULLY BOY WANNA' BE HU JINTAO, A WOMAN
 
WANG WENYI WAS CHARGED TODAY FOR THE CRIME OF HECKLING.  AMONG THE OFFICIAL MISDEMEANOR CHARGES LODGED AGAINST WENYI ARE "WILLFULLY INTIMIDATING, COERCING THREATENING AND HARRASSING A FOREIGN OFFICIAL."
 
INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE WINNER AND ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES IS REPORTED TO HAVE DECLARED,  "FREE SPEECH ONLY BELONGS TO THE GOVERNMENT!  DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO THE SUPREME COURT CASE ON RECRUITERS!"
 
TERRORISM BY HECKLES IS EXPECTED TO BE ENFORCED AT ALL APPEARANCES BY THE ADMINISTRATION AS WELL AS IN SOME OF THE SEEDIER LOUNGES IN LAS VEGAS.
 
JACKIE MASON WAS REPORTED TO HAVE SHOUTED, "ABOUT DAMN TIME!"
 
WITH HECKLING NOW ON THE LIST OF TERRORISM CRIMES, LEGAL EXPERTS EXPECT IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE PARODY, SATIRE AND KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES ARE ALSO BANNED.
 
AT A PLAYGROUND NEAR FOGGY BOTTOM TODAY, ATF AGENTS COULD BE SEEN OBSERVING THE KIDS AND ISSUING STERN LOOKS TO ANY CHILD WHO DARED TO SAY "KNOCK-KNOCK."
 
THE CHILLING INTIMIDATION LED TO NO RESPONSES OF "WHO'S THERE?" 
 
AS THE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE GOES, SO GOES AMERICA.
 

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!
 
ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES AND NATIONAL, AS WELL AS INTERNATIONAL, WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE CONTEST ALBERTO GONZALES FEELS A LITTLE NEGLETED WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD AND THE EVICTED WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY.
 
AS A RESULT, GONZALES HAS SET OUT ON A SHAMELESS ATTEMPT TO SELF-PROMOTE HIMSELF WITH A ZEAL THAT HAS NOT BEEN SINCE MADONNA GOT ALL FREAKY ON BOOKS, SONG AND FILM.
 
SPEAKING TODAY PUBLICLY, ALBERTO GONZALES DECLARED, "I HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF OLDER MEN FORCING NAKED YOUNG GIRLS TO HAVE ANAL SEX."
 
THOUGH THE NEW REVEALED POTTY MOUTH ON THE ATTORNEY GENERAL MAY GARNER HIM SOME ATTENTION MANY WONDER A) WHAT THE AG IS DOING SPEAKING IN THAT MANNER AND B) IF HE REALLY SHOULD BE SHARING WHAT HE LOOKS AT ONLINE?
 
THE SELF-PROMOTION IS INTENDED TO RAISE HIS OWN PROFILE, HENCE IT'S CODENAME "MADONNA UP," AND ALSO TO TAKE HEAT OFF DONALD RUMSFELD. 
 
SAID PROFESSIONAL CREEP JERRY FALWELL, "I LIKE IT.  I LIKE IT A LOT.  EVER SINCE MADONNA STARTED POPPING OUT BABIES, THERE'S NOT BEEN A LOT OF ME TO GET WORKED UP OVER."
 
 
 

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!
 
NO NOT BARNEY! 
 
THE OFFICIAL LAP DOG, SCOTTY MCCLELLAN.
 
SCOTTY'S BEEN IN TROUBLE FOR SOME TIME AND BEEN SNAPPISH AS A RESULT.  THERE WAS THE ARM WRESTLING WITH CONDI TO SEE TO SEE WHO GOT TO KEEP THE FIRST CODPIECE.  THERE WAS THAT DRUNKEN WOMAN WHO KEPT SHOWING UP TO HECKLE THE BULLY BOY.  BUT IF SCOTTY'S FATE WAS SEALED IT CAME WHEN BULLY BOY WENT TO CANADA AND MET SCOTT REID.
 
"WELL YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE," BULLY BOY TOLD REID GIVING HIM THE SLOW ONCE OVER.  "YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE.  YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKING GUY.  BETTER LOOKING THAN MY SCOTT ANYWAY."
 
PRETTIER AND YOUNGER, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THINNER.  BULLY BOY DON'T LIKE A FAT BOY.
 
SINCE THAT DAY, BULLY BOY'S BEEN SINGING HIS OWN VERSION OF JAMES TAYLOR'S "MONA:"
 
SCOTTY, SCOTTY
SO MUCH OF YOU TO LOVE
TOO MUCH OF YOU TAKE CARE OF
SCOTTY, SCOTTY
YOU GOT TOO BIG TO KEEP
AND TOO DAMN OLD TO EAT
 
 
SCOTTY LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY, TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS, WHIMPERING, "ALL OF US SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

THIS JUST IN! RUMSFELD NEW CAREER MOVE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
RUMSFELD'S NEW CAREER MOVE!
WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON JULIA ROBERTS AND HER UPCOMING BROADWAY DEBUT, LITTLE ATTENTION IS BEING PAID TO SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD'S BRAVO PERFORMANCE.
IN ADDITION TO HIS DEFENSE DUTIES AS WELL AS SQUINTING, DONALD RUMSFELD HAS TAKEN ON THE ROLE OF EFFIE WHITE.
AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS OWN BROADWAY DEBUT (DATE STILL UNANNOUNCED AS HE CONTINUES OUT OF TOWN TRY OUTS), DONALD CAN BE HEARD SINGING HIS SIGNATURE TUNE: "AND I AM TELLING YOU I'M NOT GOING."
DAY AFTER DAY, RUMSFELD CAN BE FOUND ALL OVER DC SINGING THE SAME TUNE AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS ROLE AS EFFIE WHITE IN THE REVIVAL OF DREAMGIRLS.

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Monday, April 17, 2006

THIS JUST IN! VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!
"HOLLWOOD MAY HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY G*****N, F*****G OSCAR, BUT I'LL BE G*****N IF I'LL SHARE MY TUNE-TIME WITH THAT LITTLE MUTHA F****R!" NOTORIUS DICK WAS HEARD TO HOLLA.
DESPITE HIS OSCAR NOMINATION AND THE FACT THAT THE FILM WILL BE PLAYING SOON IN IRAN, BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY BROUGHT NOTORIUS DICK NO NEW FILM OFFERS -- AND BEING 1/4 OF THE BULLIES AND THE TYRANTS ISN'T THE SAME AS BEING A SOLO ACT.
"HE'S JEALOUS," EXPLAINED DICKIE MYERS. "HE'S JUST JEALOUS. HE WON'T EVEN LET ME RECORD UNDER THE NAME 'DICK' SO I HAVE TO USE 'DICKIE."
MYERS, THE FORMER JOINT CHIEFS CHAIRMAN, IS NOW BARNSTORMING THE CHAT & CHEWS, SINGING A SONG HE HOPES IS A HUGE HIT.
EXPLAINING THAT IT WAS "INAPPROPRIATE" FOR EX GENERALS TO CRITICIZE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD, DICKIE MYERS SMILED INTO THE CAMERA AND STATED, "THIS ONES IS FOR YOU DONNIE!"
AS THE CAMERA PULLED BACK, DICKIE STOOD BEHIND A FENDER COMTEMPO ORGAN WHICH HE BEGAN POUNDING ON. AS STROBE LIGHTS FLASHED AND SMOKE EFFECTS WAFTED, THREE WOMEN CAME OUT ON STAGE TO DANCE BEHIND HIM WHILE HE SANG:
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, no
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
I love him so
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, don't you know
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
He's good (he's good), he's good to me (good to me)
That's all I care about
Oh, no
AS DICKIE COMPLETED THE GERRY GOFFIN & CAROL KING CLASSIC, GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS WALKED ON TO THE STAGE TO SHAKE DICKIE'S HAND AND EXPLAIN THAT DICKIE WOULD LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT HAD TO RUSH TO THE NEXT STOP ON HIS TOUR.
"NO GRAVITAS," SNARLED ORIGINAL THUGSTER DICK CHENEY. "THE GUYS DON'T LIKE HIM, THE DOLLS KNOW THEY CAN BEAT HIM UP. I CAN EAT, CHEW UP AND THEN CRAP OUT THESE FRANKIE AVALON TYPES IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES. GOTTA ROUGH NECK UP! YOU FEEL ME, YOU FEEL ME? HOLLA!"
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