Friday, March 17, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SHOCKS CABINET!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SHOCKS CABINET!
 
TODAY BULLY BOY HAD HIS CABINET ASSEMBLE AND SHOCKED THEM ALL WHEN HE ENTERED.
 
BULLY BOY WAS WEARING SHOES WITH CORAL-COLORED POMPOMS ATTACHED, A PLEATED GREEN A-LINE SKORT, OVER A PURPLE BODYSUIT TURTLENECK.
 
NOTING THE STARES, BULLY BOY EXPLAINED THAT WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTT MCCLELLAN FILLED HIM ON SATURDAY'S DRILL.
 
 
"YOU CAN'T HAVE A DRILL TEAM WITHOUT A CAPTAIN,"  BULLY BOY SAID EXCITEDLY RUSHING OVER TO A JAM BOX ON HIS DESK.  "THAT'S ME!"
 
AS T-PAIN'S "I'M N LUV (WIT A STRIPPER)" BLASTED THROUGH THE OVAL OFFICE, BULLY BOY CLASPED HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND YELLED,  "READY?  OKAY!" 
 
SCOTT MCCLELLAN, WEARING A LAVENDER ONSIE RUSHED IN TO THE OVAL OFFICE TO EXPLAIN TO THE BULLY BOY THAT THE 'DRILL TEAM' WOULD NOT BE PERFORMING A DANCE ROUTINE ON SATURDAY BUT STAGING A SMALLPOX DRILL.
 
AS WHITE HOUSE PET MCCLELLAN LED A SADDENED BULLY BOY OUT OF THE OVAL OFFICE, BULLY BOY COULD BE HEARD TO SAY, "WELL THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE MUCH FUN, NOT MUCH FUN AT ALL."
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY LAUNCHES OPERATION GET IT UP!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY LAUNCHES OPERATION GET IT UP!
 
THE MILITARY IS CALLING IT "A SHOW OF FORCE" AND "THE LARGEST AIR ASSAULT"; OBJECTIVE OUTSIDERS ARE DUBBING IT THE BIGGEST WAR CRIMES OF THE OCCUPATION SINCE THE INVASION BEGAN UNDER FALSE PREMISES; BUT BULLY BOY JUST CALLS IT "OPERATION GET IT UP!" AS US FORCES, UNDER THE COVER OF A FEW TOKEN IRAQI FORCES, BEGIN DROPPING BOMBS ON VARIOUS SECTIONS OF IRAQ.
 
EXPLAINED THE BULLY BOY, "THEY WANT TO CALL IT 'OPERATION SWARMER' BUT I DON'T GET HOW IT'S WARMER THERE?  IT'S NOT EVEN SUMMER YET!  AND PEOPLE JOKE ABOUT MY SMARTS?  SHEESH.  I LIKED 'OPERATION BOMB THE HELL' OUT OF THEM. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED A CHEER FROM MY SCHOOL DAYS WHEN I WAS ON THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD.  WANT TO SEE ME DO THE SPLITS?"
 
WHEN NO ONE AFFIRMED THAT THEY DID, BULLY BOY FROWNED A MOMENT THEN BEGAN CLAPPING AND SHAKING HIS BOOTY WHILE CHANTING, "KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  WE GOTTA' KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  WE GOTTA KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!"
 
GRINNING MADLY, BULL BOY THEN THREW HIS HANDS IN THE AIR, LEPT AND ATTEMPTED TO LAND IN A SPLIT.
 
THE SHRIEK WAS HEARD THROUGHOUT DC.
 
AS ANDREW CARD HELPED BULLY BOY WALK OUT OF THE ROOM, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES COULD BE HEARD MUTTERING,  "MY THINGIES HURT!  OUCHY!  OUCHY!  MY THNGIES!"
 
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, LOOKING VERY SHARP WITH BLUE AND WHITE BOWS AND MATCHING NAIL POLISH, EXPLAINED THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO DO A SPLIT.
 
"WHAT YOU SAW,"  THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SPOKESPERSON EXPLAINED, "WAS OUR BELOVED BULLY BOY ATTEMPTING TO DEMONSTRATE A BOMB DROPPING FROM A FLYING CHINOOK.  IT WAS A MANLY DISPLAY. OUR BLESSED AND MANLY BULLY BOY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING AS GIRLY AS A CHEER."
 
WHEN THE LAST REAL REPORTER LEFT STANDING IN DC, HELEN THOMAS, ASKED ABOUT INJURIES AND NOTED BULLY BOY'S REMARKS ABOUT HIS "THINGIES" SCOTTY NODDED IN AGREEMENT,  "YES, HELEN, OUR FEARLESS LEADER HAS STONES.  BIG STONES.  GREAT BIG STONES.  HE'S QUITE THE MAN.  SOMETIMES JUST STANDING NEXT TO HIM MAKES ME DOUBT MY OWN MASCULINITY."
 
A DRUNKEN WOMAN, DOWNING CANS OF LONE STAR BEER, SHOUTED OUT, "IT'S CALLED 'OPERATION GET IT UP' BECAUSE HE CAN'T!"
 
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN DENIED THAT THE WOMAN, WHO LOOKED A GREAT DEAL LIKE THE FIRST LADY, WAS IN FACT LAURA BUSH.
 
AS THE WOMAN WAS LED AWAY BY TWO YOUNG WOMEN WHOM SCOTTY SAID WERE NOT BARBARA AND JENNA BUSH, THE WHITE HOUSE PET EXPLAINED, "THE LAURA BUSH LOOK IS JUST A VERY POPULAR, A VERY STYLISH LOOK, THIS YEAR.  I'VE CONSIDERED ADOPTING IT MYSELF."
 
 
 
 
 


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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

THIS JUST IN! WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG FROTHS AT THE MOUTH!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG FROTHS AT THE MOUTH!
 
STAY AWAY FROM HIS BONE!
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTT MCCLELLAN SNARLED AND SNAPPED AT THE CD PRESS CORPS TODAY AS HE BARKED THAT HE WAS "TIRED OF SOME OF THE QUESTIONS."
 
WHAT MADE THE LITTLE DOGGY'S TAIL STOP WAGGING?
 
SUGGESTIONS BY WOULD BE COMEDIAN SENATOR NORM COLEMAN THAT THE WHITE HOUSE STAFF MIGHT BE TIRED AND NEEDING TO BE PUT TO SLEEP OR AT LEAST GIVEN A REST.
 
YAP-YAP-YAP REPLIED SCOTTY.
 
"THE BULLY BOY HAS A SMART, CAPABLE AND EXPERIENCE TEAM THAT IS FULLY COMMITTED TO HELPING HIM ADVANCE HIS DESTRUCTIVE AGENDA AND GET THINGS DONE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,"  GROWLED SCOTTY BARELY LOOKING UP FROM THE KIBBLE IN HIS DOGGY BOWL.
 
 
WHEN THE LINE OF QUESTIONING CONTINUED, SCOTTY BARED HIS TEETH, THE FUR ON HIS NECK RUFFLED AND FLARED AND WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A VERY NASTY SCENE WAS AVOIDED ONLY BY THE PASSING OF A FIRE TRUCK.
 
AFTER SCOTTY WAS DONE HOWLING ALONG WITH THE SIREN HE APPEARED TO BE IN A MUCH BETTER MOOD AS HE SCRATCHED HIS EAR WITH A BACK PAW.  AROUND THIS TIME, THE WHITE HOUSE PET DISMISSED THE ENTIRE QUESTIONING AS "WASHINGTON BABBLE THAT GOES ON IN THIS TOWN."
 
BEFORE HE COULD CONTINUE ON THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT, SCOTTY WAS SCOOPED UP BY WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR AND NATIONAL MENACE TO SOCIETY KARL ROVE. 
 
DENYING REPORTS THAT ROVE WAS TAKING HIM IN FOR A FLEA AND TICK BATH, SCOTTY INSISTED HE WAS JUST GOING TO GET HIS NAILS PAINTED AND A FEW BOWS PUT IN HIS HAIR.
 
SCOTTY SAID, LICKING HIS PRIVATES,  "THIS IS PART OF THE PARLOR GAME."
 
 
 
 

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY PLAYS LINK GAME!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY PLAYS LINK GAME!
 
ATTEMPTING TO REVIVE HIS FALTERING CAREER, BULLY BOY DECLARED THAT "COALITION FORCES HAVE SEIZED IEDS AND COMPONENTS THAT WERE CLEARLY PRODUCED IN IRAN" AS PART OF HIS "LINK STRATEGY." 
 
JUST AS HE SOLD THE IRAQ WAR TO MANY BY FALSELY LINKING IRAQ TO 9/11, BULLY BOY NOW ATTEMPTS TO PLAY "LINKAGE" WITH IRAQ AND IRAN.
 
"IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG," SNIFFED 1 OBSERVER UNIMPRESSED WITH THE LATEST REMIX. 
 
THIS COMES AT A TIME WHEN BULLY BOY'S FAVORABILITY NUMBERS HAVE DROPPED TO 36%.
 
MEANWHILE A WOMAN WHO THE WHITE HOUSE SAYS IS NOT LAURA BUSH IS MAKING IT KNOW THAT SHE'S READY FOR A WOMAN PRESIDENT.
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN BROKE AWAY FROM A GAME OF FETCH LONG ENOUGH TO AGAIN SAY, "THAT WOMAN IS NOT LAURA BUSH.  I DO NOT KNOW WHY SHE CONTINUES TO IMPERSONATE THE FIRST LADY."
 
 
 
 

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Monday, March 13, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD!
 
BULLY BOY SCOFFED TODAY AT THE IDEA THAT RUSS FEINGOLD'S PROPOSAL MIGHT BE GREETED WARMLY.
 
"I DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD,"  BULLY BOY INSISTED.  "I DID NOT.  BESIDES HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WHEN HE CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE THE WORD?  CEN-SURE-ED.  IT'S 'CENSORED.'  ANY DUMMY KNOWS THAT."
 
MISS "JUNIOR ZELL MILLER" JOE LIEBERMAN WAS QUICK TO REVEAL THE YELLOW STREAK RUNNING DOWN HIS BACK AS HE BACKED UP THE BULLY BOY BY INSISTING, "I'D PREFER TO SEE US SOLVE THE PROBLEM."
 
ASKED IF THERE WAS ANY TRUTH TO THE RUMORS THAT HE WAS PLANNING TO RUN ON A PRESIDENTIAL TICKET IN 2008, LIEBERMAN REPLIED, "THAT ALL DEPENDS ON SENATOR BILL FRIST.  I'VE MADE IT VERY CLEAR TO HIM THAT UP FOR THE CHALLENGE, EAGER TO FILL A SLOT ON A FRIST-LIEBERMAN TICKET.  RIGHT NOW THE STUMBLING BLOCK APPEARS TO BE THAT I REMIND HIM OF THE DAD ON ALF.  I TOLD HIM IT COULD BE WORSE, I COULD REMIND HIM OF A CAT."
 
NEWLY DECLARED SENATE CANDIDATE NED LAMONT RESPONDED, "THAT'S WHY I'M CHALLENGING THIS LOSER."
 
Recommended: "Other Items"
 
 
 

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