Friday, May 05, 2006

THIS JUST IN! WHICH RAT WILL BE THE LAST TO LEAVE?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

WHICH RAT WILL BE THE LAST TO LEAVE?


PORTER GOSS, CIA DIRECTOR, BECOMES THE LATEST CHEESE EATER TO JUMP SHIP. OR WAS HE PUSHED?


WAGS ARE WHISPERING THAT NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE DIRECTOR JOHN NEGROPONTE SPOKE WITH GOSS ABOUT THE "POSSIBILITY" OF GOSS STEPPING DOWN. DID NEGROPONTE THREATEN TO HAVE SOME OF HIS HONDURAN BUDDIES HELP GOSS MAKE THE DECISION?


SOME ARE POINTING OUT SIMILARITIES TO THE SUMMER OF 2001 WHEN THE FBI WAS WITHOUT LEADERSHIP. OTHERS ARE WONDERING WHERE THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF "SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY" IS?



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"NYT: Doesn't cover Rumsfeld's Atlanta appearance"

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

THIS JUST IN! AIN'T EASY TO IMPRESS ALBERTO GONZALES!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
AIN'T EASY TO IMPRESS ALBERTO GONZALES.
 
 
ATTORNEY GENERAL AND BOTH NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK ALIKE CONTEST.SHOCKED MANY WITH WHAT SOME ARE CALLING HIS "CATTY" REMARK.
 
AN INSIDE WHITE HOUSE SOURCE, WHO IS NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN AND WANTS TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE THINKS IT IS SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, SAYS THE ATTORNEY GENERAL HAS BEEN MIFFED SINCE HIS ATTEMPTED MADONNA UP FAILED TO GET ATTENTION.
 
"YOU GOTTA' UNDERSTAND," SAID THE SOURCE, "WHEN J-ASS RULED THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, THE NATION TREMBLED.  IT WAS 'JOHN ASHCROFT THIS' AND 'JOHN ASHCROFT THAT' BUT NOW?  IT'S LIKE 'AW, IT'S JUST LITTLE ALBIE, WHO CARES?' "
 

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

THIS JUST IN! DOES CONDI HEAR BELLS?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
DOES CONDI HEAR BELLS?
 
WHILE DICK CHENEY GEARS UP FOR HIS 'FREEDOM' TOUR (FULL TITLE: FREEDOM TO TORTURE! AS CROOKED AS I WANNA BE!) AND BULLY BOY ANTICIPATES HIS FLORIDA TRIP NEXT WEEK WHERE HE WILL PROMISE
EACH SENIOR WHO SIGNS UP TO HIS NEW MEDICARE PLAN 3 FREE CDS WITH THE AGREEMENT THAT THEY PURCHASE 92 MORE AT REGULAR COST OVER THE NEXT 3 YEARS, WHO'S WATCHING CONDI?
 
WAGS ARE WAGGING THAT CONDI RICE HAS FINALLY FOUND A MAN SHE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH.
 
WHO'S THE LUCKY JOE?
 
TEODORO OBIANG NGUEMA, THE PRESIDENT OF EQUATORIAL GUINEAN. 
 
NO-ONE-COULD-HAVE-GUESSED-CONDI, AS FRIENDS CALL HER, IS AS SURPRISED AS ANYONE TO FIND HERSELF IN LOVE WITH TEODORO.
 
 
"WE'RE LIKE BRAD AND ANGELINA," SHE REPORTEDLY TOLD ONE FRIEND.
"WE JUST FIT.  HE GETS ME.  REALLY GETS ME.  YOU KNOW HE'S SAID ON STATE RADIO THAT HE'S GOD.  THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON IN A MAN!  WHILE MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN HIS COUNTRY LIVE ON LESS THAN A DOLLAR DAY, HE'S WORTH OVER $300 MILLION!  IT'S NOT THE MONEY, YOU UNDERSTAND, JUST THE CRUELTY FACTOR INVOLVED.  THAT'S WHAT EXCITES ME."
 
DETERMINED TO KEEP TEODORO AWAY FROM SPURNED SUITER MARK THATCHER, CONDI'S KEEPING FRIENDS' AT ARMS LENGTH. 
 
"SHE GOT TIRED OF SHARING,"  A FRIEND WHO IS NOT NAMED SCOTTY MCCLELLAN EXPLAINED. 
 
 
CONDI'S BEEN OBSERVED TEACHING HIM TO SAY "YA'LL" AND "HOWDY."  REPORTEDLY SHE'S GROOMING HIM TO RUN FOR GOVERNOR OF TEXAS "AND THEN THE WORLD!" 
 
 
 
 
 

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY LAGGING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
BULLY BOY LAGGING.
AS OVER 1.5 MILLION AND MAYBE AS MANY AS 2 MILLION (OR MORE) TOOK PART IN THE IMMIGRATION DEMONSTRATIONS, RALLIES AND BOYCOTTS YESTERDAY, BULLY BOY'S BEEN HAVING TROUBLE GETTING THAT RUMORED "MOJO" BACK.
FIRST THERE WAS THE SLAP IN THE FACE FROM CONDI RICE AND THE STATE DEPARTMENT AFTER BULLY BOY MANGLED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHILE SUGGESTING THAT IF YOU CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU MIGHT NEED TO FIND ANOTHER COUNTRY OR ELSE STAY SILENT. TURNS OUT THE STATE DEPARTMENT FEATURES FOREIGN LANGUAGE AUDIO FILES ON ITS OFFICIAL WEBSITE.
NOW COMES NEWS THAT BULLY BOY'S STATEMENT LAST WEEK OPPOSING BOYCOTTS ALSO HAD NO LEGS.
TO TOM BROKAW, BULLY BOY SAID, "I MEAN, THE DIXIE CHICKS ARE FREE TO SPEAK THEIR MIND. THEY CAN SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY. AND JUST BECAUSE -- THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE THEIR FEELINGS HURT JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BUY THEIR RECORDS WHEN THEY SPEAK OUT."
WHEN CONFRONTED WITH BULLY BOY'S STATEMENTS FROM APRIL 24, 2003, STATEMENTS THAT DO NOT SAY "THE DIXIE CHICKS SHOULD NOT BE BOYCOTTED!", WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN LOOKED A LITTLE SAD. THEN HE PERKED UP AND SAID, "THE BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY HE WAS AGAINST 'BOYCOTTS.' HE SAID HE WAS AGAINST 'BOY CROTCHES.' ANYONE WHO HAS OBSERVED HIS EAR HAIRS KNOWS THAT 'MAN SCAPING' IS NOT SOMETHING OUR BULLY BOY TAKES PART IN."
"SO YOU ARE SAYING THE BULLY BOY IS AGAINST BOY CROTCHES!"
"YES," REPLIED SCOTT MCCLELLAN.
IMMEDIATELY CRIES RANG UP FROM THE DC PRESS CORP WHO APPEARED TO WAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIX YEARS.
"WHAT ARE THE BOYS' NAMES!"
"HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN AGAINST BOY CROTCHES!"
"DOES HE HAVE SLEEP OVERS LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON!"
"SEX SCANDAL!" CHORTLED LISA MYERS. "HOT DAMN! DC'S FINALLY COME BACK TO LIFE!"


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Monday, May 01, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY TIMES 2 STILL NOT FUNNY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
 
LAST NIGHT IN DC AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS' ASSOCIATION, BULLY BOY BROUGHT ON A BUDDY, ONE STEVE BRIDGES WHO IMPERSONATES THE BULLY BOY.
 
AS THE TWO ATTEMPTED TO YUCK IT UP WITH BAD JOKES CONSIDERING THAT HE IS BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES AND THAT DICK CHENEY IS HIS RIGHT HAND MAN/COACH/MENTOR/WET NURSE.  (TOPICS INCLUDED DICK CHENEY SHOOTING A MAN.)  MOST WERE LEFT TO WONDER WHY BULLY BOY ELECTED TO UTILIZE THIS MOMENT TO DEMONSTRATE THAT, AS IN ANY THIRD WORLD REGIME, HE MUST EMPLOY PHYSICAL IMPERSONATERS.
 
"PEOPLE LAUGHED AT SADDAM HUSSEIN FOR HIS ARMY OF HUSSEIN A-LIKES," ADMITTED ONE WAG.  "IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE THAT BULLY BOY WOULD WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT HERE, IN THE UNITED STATES, WE HAVE TO EMPLOY THE SAME DEVICE."
 
SOME FELT IT WAS A DESPERATION MOVE RESULTING FROM THE STONEY SILENCE THAT GREETED HIS ATTEMPT AT A JOKE WEDNESDAY WHEN HE INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO HIS LATEST HOUSE PET, TONY SNOW.
 
GRINNING WIDELY, AND EYES DANCING IN ANTICIPATION, BULLY BOY DECLARED, "FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ HIS COLUMNS AND LISTENED TO HIS RADIO SHOW, HE SOMETIMES HAS DISAGREED WITH ME.  I ASKED HIM ABOUT THOSE COMMENTS, AND HE SAID, 'YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE OTHER GUY.' " 
 
AT WHICH POINT, BULLY BOY LOOKED AROUND FOR A LAUGH THAT NEVER CAME BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO PLAY OFF THIS VERY PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF PRESS LAP DOGS REFUSING TO LAP UP HIS SOP.
 
DID THIS LEAD TO SUNDAY'S NIGHT EMBARRASSING PERFORMANCE?
 
NO ONE CAN BE SURE BUT THIS MORNING, ON THE THIRD ANNIVERSARY OF HIS INFAMOUS ANNOUNCEMENT THAT MAJOR COMBAT OPERATIONS HAD ENDED IN IRAQ IN FRONT OF A BANNER THAT READ "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED," BULLY BOY WAS BACK TO 'JOSHING' AS HE EXPRESSED HIS FIRM CONFIDENCE IN THE CURRENT IRAQI LEADERSHIP INSTALLED AND HAND PICKED BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT.
 
 
 
 

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