THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GOES 'WOOPS!'

BULLY BOY PRESS AND CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY GOES 'WOOPS!'

SPEAKING IN THE NATION'S CAPITAL WITH LAP DOG AND HAND MAIDEN TONY BLAIR BESIDE HIM, BULLY BOY SAID WOOPS.

MAYBE SOME OF HIS 'TALK TOUGH' WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA?

FOR INSTANCE, HE OFFERED, "I LEARNED SOME LESSONS ABOUT EXPRESSING MYSELF MAYBE IN A LITTLE MORE SOPHISTICATED MANNER, YOU KNOW. 'WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE', THAT KIND OF TALK. I THINK IN CERTAIN PARTS OF THE WORLD IT WAS MISINTERPRED."

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS AND CEDRIC'S BIG MIX:

BULLY BOY SLIPS TO 1% IN APPROVAL RATINGS!

THROUGH SCIENTIFIC POLLING (POLLING METHODS TAUGHT BY THE NEW YORK TIMES), BULLY BOY PRESS AND CEDRIC'S BIG MIX HAVE DISCOVERED THAT AMONG THOSE "CERTAIN PARTS OF THE WORLD" WHERE BULLY BOY WAS "MISINTERPRED" WAS THE UNITED STATES.

WHEN ASKED IF THEY BELIEVED THAT THE BULLY BOY'S STATEMENT OF OSAMA BIN LADEN MEANT BIN LADEN WAS "WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE,"
100 OF THE 100 POLLED RESPONDED IN THE AFFIRMATIVE.

ASKED IF THEY HAD ANY RESPECT FOR BULLY BOY, 99 OF THE 100 POLLED RESPONDED IN THE NEGATIVE. 1 RESPONDENT EXPRESSED APPROVAL FOR THE BULLY BOY. THE RESPONDENT ALSO EXPRESSED BELIEF IN SANTA CLAUSE, THE TOOTH FAIRY, THE EASTER BUNNY, WMD AND "REBA MCENTIRE'S GOOD NATURE."


IN A FOLLOW UP TO YESTERDAY'S "THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY AND BLAIR HAVE BEEN WHERE? " STRINGERS WERE SENT TO TIMES SQUARE TO CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHITE HOUSE MOUTH PIECE TONY SNOW'S CLAIM THAT
"YOU KNOW, THERE AREN'T GOING TO BE PEOPLE KISSING IN TIME SQUARE TOMORROW."

STRINGERS RACHEL, MICAH, JONAH, DONA, JIM AND TY REPORTED THE SIGHTING OF AT LEAST 43 KISSES BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 11:00 AM AND 2:00 PM. AT LEAST ONE KISS INVOLVED TONGUE AND FOUR WERE SAME-SEX KISSES. NOT INCLUDED IN THE COUNT WAS A WOMAN WHO SPAT ON A TISSUE AND THEN USED THE TISSUE TO WIPE THE CHEEK OF A CHILD. FURTHER MORE, TWO STRINGERS, DONA AND JIM, WERE INSPIRED BY THE ACTIVITY TO ENGAGE IN "A LITTLE KISSING AND GROPING OF OUR OWN."

TO RECAP, TONY SNOW HAS BEEN PROVEN WRONG.


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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY AND BLAIR HAVE BEEN WHERE?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY AND BLAIR HAVE BEEN WHERE?

 

WHITE HOUSE NUISANCE TONY SNOW WAS SPOUTING OUT OFF THE MOUTH AND PEOPLE ARE STILL ATTEMPTING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DAY'S TALKING POINTS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE.

 

"THEY'RE NOT GOING TO RACE OUT AND SAY, 'WE'RE ALL COMING HOME,'" SNOW DECLARED SMUGLY.

 

'WE'?  WHERE HAVE BLAIR AND BULLY BOY BEEN? 

 

TONY SNOW THEN OFFERED,  "YOU KNOW, THERE AREN'T GOING TO BE PEOPLE KISSING IN TIME SQUARE TOMORROW."

 

THERE AREN'T?

 

BULLY BOY PRESS WILL HAVE STRINGERS STAKED OUT IN TIMES SQUARE TO DETERMINE WHETHER SNOW IS CORRECT OR WRONG.

 

OUR CURRENT PREDICITION?  PEOPLE WILL KISS AS OFTEN AS USUAL IN TIMES SQUARE.

 

"TIMES SQUARE,"  TONY SNOW, NOT "TIME SQUARE."

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS, "I NEED TO LOSE 10 POUNDS 1ST"

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY SAYS, "I NEED TO LOSE 10 POUNDS 1ST!"

IRAN WANTS TO TALK. AFTER A LETTER WAS REBUFFED, THEY TRIED AGAIN.

BUT BULLY BOY PLAYS HARD TO GET.

AS CONVENTIONAL WISDOM SCRATCHES ITS HEAD, A WHITE HOUSE SOURCE, NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN (HONEST), EXPLAINED THAT BULLY BOY WASN'T BEING A TEASE.

"HE JUST WANTS TO LOSE AT LEAST 10 POUNDS 1ST," THE SOURCE SAID. "HE WANTS TO LOOK HIS PRETTIEST."


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THIS JUST IN! CONDI RICE FINALLY GETS IT!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

CONDI RICE FINALLY GETS IT!

 

 

CONDI RICE RETURNED TO DC IN TEARS FOLLOWING THE RECEPTION SHE RECEIVED MONDAY AT BOSTON COLLEGE.

 

SEEKING A SYMPATHETIC SHOULDER, SHE HURRIED THROUGH THE WHITE HOUSE.  THERE WAS HARRIE MIERS.

 

BUT HARRIE WAS SO BITTER AFTER SCALITO BUZZED PAST HER AND ON TO THE COURT.

 

THERE WAS KAREN HUGHES BUT SHE COULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT HER NEW LINE OF CLOTHES FOR GYM COACHES. 

 

CONDI REALIZED SHE WAS ALONE -- A VICTIM OF THE WORK-WIVES WARS.

 

 

SHE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE UP ALL HOPE WHEN SHE SAW FORMER WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY CROUCHING BEHIND A LARGE POTTED FERN.

 

"MCCLELLAN!"  CONDI HOLLERED.

 

 

"SHH!"  SCOTTY CAUTIONED.  "DON'T GIVE ME AWAY!"

 

PAST TIME TO GO, STILL DESPERATE TO HOLD ON, SCOTTY WAS THE FIRST WORK-WIFE WHO WOULD NOT GO GRACEFULLY.INTO THE NIGHT.

 

WAS THAT HER FATE?  WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAT THAT?

 

SHE HAD HER ANSWER.  IT WAS APPROACHING.  SIPPING FROM A CAN OF LONE STAR.  SMILING.

 

 

 

 

 

SHREIKING, CONDI RAN DOWN THE HALL STRAIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF DONALD RUMSFELD.

 

BREAKING DOWN SHE SPILLED EVERY DETAIL OF BOSTON TO HIM.

 

"WHY DO THEY HATE ME?"  SHE ASKED CRYING.  "WHY DO THEY HATE ME!  ME!"

 

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN," SECRETARY RUMSFELD SAID SHAKING CONDI BY THE SHOULDERS.  "THEY HATE YOU FOR YOUR FREEDOMS!"

 

"THAT'S IT!"  CONDI SAID SLAPPING HER FOREHEAD.  "THAT'S IT!  THEY HATE ME FOR MY FREEDOMS.  TERRORISTS!"

 

NODDING RUMSFELD AGREED, "YOU KNOW, IT IS THE HOME OF JOHN KERRY.  WHAT SAY WE FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS BOSTON 'SITUATION'?"

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! "FREEDOM IS MOVING!"

BULLY BOY PRESS - CHICAGO.

THIS JUST IN!

"FREEDOM IS MOVING!"

OUTSIDE THE UNITED STATES APPARENTLY BUT NOT TO IRAQ. NO FORWARDING ADDRESS WAS LEFT.

"FREEDOM IS MOVING!"

WHO WANTS TO LIVE NEXT TO THE BULLY BOY?

"FREEDOM IS MOVING," SAID BULLY BOY, "BUT IT'S IN INCREMENTAL STEPS AND THE ENEMY'S PROGRESS IS ALMOST INSTANT ON THEIR TV SCREENS."

THE REMARK LED MANY TO AGAIN WONDER WHEN BULLY BOY WILL BE REQUIRED TO MASTER SIMPLE ENGLISH?

SHOULD AN ENGLISH ONLY MEASURE PASS, WOULDN'T THOSE LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE BE REQUIRED TO FOLLOW IT?

INCREMENTAL STEPS, BULLY BOY CAUTIONED, WARNING IT WAS 1 STEP AT A TIME. THE STEP SO FAR HAS COST NEARLY 2500 AMERICAN TROOPS. WHO KNOWS HOW MANY MORE IN STEP TWO?


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