THIS JUST IN! NO BULLY BOY LEFT BEHIND!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

NO BULLY BOY LEFT BEHIND!

WHITE HOUSE JOKE TONY SNOW ANNOUNCED THE WHITE HOUSE'S SUPPORT FOR MAKING ENGLISH THE LAW OF THE LAND.

"IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE DATE, PEOPLE WHO LEARN ENGLISH TEND TO BE MORE PROSPEROUS (AND) TEND TO BE BETTER AT THEIR JOBS," TONY SNOW DECLARED AS HANDS SHOT UP IN THE PRESS CORPS.

JUST THEN BULLY BOY WALKED INTO THE BRIEFING ROOM AND WHISPERED INTO THE EAR OF A NODDING SNOW.

"LADIES AND GENTELMEN OF THE PRESS," SNOW STATED SMILING, "ON THE SUBJECT OF IMMIGRATION, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS."

GRINNING, BULLY BOY STEPPED IN FRONT OF THE PODIUM, CLEARED HIS THROAT AND SAID, "I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR THIS GREAT STATE OF BASEBALL TO REACH OUT TO THE PEOPLE OF ALL WALKS OF LIFE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE SPORT IS INCLUSIVE. THE BEST WAY TO DO IT IS TO CONVINCE LITTLE KIDS HOW TO . . . THE BEAUTY OF PLAYING BASEBALL!"

AS THE PRESS STARED AT THE BULLY BOY IN SHOCK, SNOW GULPED AND LOOKED AROUND NERVOUSLY.

WARMING TO THE QUIET IN THE ROOM, THINKING THEY WERE SPELL BOUND, BULLY BOY OFFERED THOUGHTS ON ANOTHER PROGRAM, "I'M GOING TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON SOCIAL SECURITY. I ENJOY IT. I ENJOY TAKING ON THE ISSUE. I GUESS, IT'S THE MOTHER IN ME."

AS SNOW STOOD PARALYZED, LIFE COACH KAREN HUGHES TOOK CONTROL OF THE SITUATION AND BEGAN STRIDING TOWARDS THE PODIUM.

"AH, LOOK, IT'S KAREN HUGHES," BULLY BOY SAID POINTING. "KAREN'S A WEST TEXAS GIRL, JUST LIKE ME."

KAREN HUGHES ANNOUNCED THAT THE BULLY BOY HAD TO LEAVE FOR AN IMPORTANT NAP AND A QUICK MEETING. WAVING AT EVERYONE AND BLOWING KISSES, BULLY BOY EXITED THE ROOM.

"JUST TO REPEAT," HUGHES DECLARED GRUFFILY, "THE WHITE HOUSE BELIEVES THAT PEOPLE WHO LEARN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEND TO BE BETTER AT THEIR JOBS."

"KAREN HUGHES," CALLED OUT A WOMAN. "HELEN THOMAS, KING FEATURES SYNDICATE . A QUESTION. IF THE WHITE HOUSE BELIEVES LEARNING ENGLISH HELPS PEOPLE BE BETTER AT THEIR JOBS, WHEN DO THEY PLAN ON TEACHING ENGLISH TO THE BULLY BOY?"



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THIS JUST IN! DESPERATE CONGRESS MEMBERS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

DESPERATE CONGRESS MEMBERS!

WHILE MICHAEL HAYDEN'S GIRLISH, JOHN MCCAIN VOICE HELD THE ATTENTION OF THE SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE, THINGS WERE HEATING UP ON THE SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE.

ARLEN SPECTER, STILL LOOKING FOR THE MAGIC BULLET AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, DECIDED TO HOLD A VOTE ON A PROPOSAL HE DOESN'T SUPPORT: A BAN ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

WHEN THE RIGHT, RIGHTEOUS RUSS CALLED HIM ON IT, SENATOR SPECTER PLAYED THE LOVER SPURNED.

"IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, GOOD RIDDANCE!" SCREAMED ARLEN AS HE LOOKED FOR A KNICK KNACK TO THROW.

FINDING NONE, HE LEPT TO HIS FEET AND, IN HIS BEST NICOLETTE SHERIDAN, THREW HIS HEAD BACK, PUT HANDS ON HIPS AND SCREAMED, "YOU AIN'T ALL THAT, RUSS FEINGOLD! YOU AIN'T ALL THAT!"

IGNORING ARLAN'S ATTEMPT AT DESPERATE CONGRESS MEMBERS, RUSS FEINGOLD BLEW HIM OFF WITH A "SEE 'YA."

"HOW DARE HE!" SCREAMED AN ENRAGED ARLEN GRABBING FOR A PITCHER OF WATER AND THROWING IT TO THE FLOOR WHILE JOE BIDEN RUSHED OVER IMMEDIATELY, READY TO DELIVER A SERIES OF LENGTHY, PREPARED REMARKS. LINDSEY GRAHAM TOOK A FEW MINUTES TO SMOOTH HIS CRINOLINE PETTICOAT AND FINISH HIS MINT JULIP BEFORE STRUTTING OVER.

ARLEN WAS CRYING ON JOE'S SHOULDER. JOE HAD BEEN TALKING NONSTOP FOR 5 MINUTES. LINDSEY KNEW THE MILK TRAIN DIDN'T STOP HERE NO MORE.

"LET IT GO, ARLY," LINDSEY ADVISED.

"LET IT GO! HE HUMILIATED ME!" SCREAMED ARLEN. "HE WALKED ALL OVER ME! HE TREATED ME LIKE A TISSUE! USING ME AND THEN DISCARDING ME! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? JAMIE DENTON? DID YOU SEE HIM STOMPING OUT OF HERE? STOMPING ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE HE STOMPED ACROSS MY HEART? STOMPING ACROSS THE FLOOR LIKE HE THOUGHT HE WAS DOING IT A FAVOR?"

WIPING THE TEARS FROM HIS EYES, ARLEN TOOK A DEEP BREATH, THEN LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM.

"IS ANYONE ELSE TURNED ON?" ARLEN ASKED.


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THIS JUST IN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY.

 

 

EARLY ON, MISS PRISS INSTANT CUCKOO ORRIN HATCH WENT TO BAT FOR BULLY BOY YET AGAIN.  SURE IT WAS A FOUL BALL BUT SENATOR HATCH IS AN OLD MAN AND FUNNY TO LOOK AT.  SO WITH THAT AND THE FACT THAT WHERE MISS PRISS GOES HER BOY TOYS SANTORUM AND CORNYN FOLLOW CLOSE BEHIND, SHOULD HAVE MEANT A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY.

 

HATCHET HAD FED THE HUNGRY NEWS CYCLE FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS ALLOWING ALL THE "BALANCE" LOVERS TO TYPE: NO BIG DEAL WITH THE NSA, HERE'S WHAT ORRIN HAD TO SAY . . . .

 

BUT BULLY BOY WAS FORLORN.

 

 

IF YOU ASKED HIM, HE COULDN'T USE THAT WORD.  TOO BIG.  BUT HE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU "SAD" PROBABLY.

 

"DUDES AND DUDESSES" IS HOW BULLY BOY GREETED THE OLYMPIC AND PARALYMPIC ATHLETES AND HE TRIED TO LAUGH, TRIED TO SNORT, TRIED TO DO THE PANTING HE LEARNED AS A BOY WHEN HE USED TO MAKE PRANK CALLS TO HIS MOTHER, BIG BABS, IN ORDER TO SPOOK HER, BUT HIS HEART WASN'T IN IT. 

 

WHEN JEREMY BLOOM TRIED TO GIVE HIM A GIFT, BULLY BOY DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

 

BULLY BOY LOVES GIFTS.

 

BULLY BOY LIVES FAILURE.

 

BULLY BOY LOVES BROWN NOSERS.

 

A GIFT FROM A 5TH ROUND DRAFT PICK AND SOLID SUCK UP COULDN'T CATCH BULLY BOY'S ATTENTION.

 

FINALLY THE GIFT WAS ACCEPTED BY A WOMAN WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE THE WOMAN WHO EVERYONE SAYS IS NOT LAURA BUSH.  THE 2 WOMEN LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME EXCEPT FOR THE CAN OF LONE STAR BEER 1 IS ALWAYS SEEN HOLDING. 

 

HE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN, BUT HIS MIND WAS IN HOUSTON WHERE HIS "KENNY BOY" FOUND HIS FATE IN THE HANDS OF A JURY. 

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! NEDRA PICKLER SEES INSIDE PEOPLE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

NEDRA PICKLER SEES INSIDE PEOPLE!

THE WISER PORTION OF THE DC PRESS CORPS, ALL THREE OF THEM, BROKE OUT IN LOUD LAUGHTER TODAY.

NOT AT THE BULLY BOY'S NASTY LITTLE ATTEMPT TO GET LAUGHS BY MAKING FUN OF AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER JOHN HOWARD'S LOOKS AND THE FACT THAT HE'S BALD, BUT AT NEDRA PICKLER'S ATTEMPTED "REPORT" FOR THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

"SHE'S THE HALEY JOEL OSMENT OF THE PRESS CORPS!" LAUGHED ONE TO THE CONFUSION OF MANY.

"SHE WRITES: 'HE ALSO IS KNOWN FOR TEASING PEOPLE AS A SIGN OF AFFECTION.'
SHE'S HALEY JOEL OSMENT IN THE SEQUEL TO THE SIXTH SENSE, NO SENSE. SHE STARES BLANKLY AHEAD AND WHISPERS 'I SEE INSIDE PEOPLE.' "

THAT CLEARED UP EVERY ONE BURST INTO LAUGHTER.

"I GOT THE FEELING," OFFERED ANOTHER, "THAT SHE WAS TEASED A GREAT DEAL IN SCHOOL, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, SO INSTEAD OF RECOGNIZING THAT THE BULLY BOY TEASES BECAUSE HE IS A BULLY, SHE TRIES TO TURN IT INTO A 'SIGN OF AFFECTION' BECAUSE NOT TO DO SO WOULD MEAN FACING THAT ALL THE MANY CRUEL THINGS SAID TO HER OVER THE YEARS WERE MEANT TO HURT AS MUCH AS THEY DID."

"WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?" ASKED PICKLER WALKING UP WITH A GOOFY SMILE, TOLIET PAPER STUCK TO HER SHOE AND THE BACK OF SKIRT STUCK INSIDE HER PANTYHOSE.

"NOTHING," ALL THREE SAID, EXCHANGING LOOKS AND TRYING HARD NOT TO LAUGH WHILE NEDRA PICKLER CONTINUED SMILING HER GOOFY SMILE.


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THIS JUST IN! THAT'S NOT LAURA BUSH!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.


THIS JUST IN!


"THAT'S NOT LAURA BUSH!"


SO SAYS THE WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE LAURA BUSH AND IS FREQUENTLY SEEN HECKLING THE BULLY BOY AT PRESS CONFERENCES WHILE DOWNING A CAN OR TWO OF LONE STAR BEER.


IF THAT WASN'T LAURA BUSH THEN WHO WAS POSING AS HER ON SUNDAY AND SAYING, "I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THOSE POLLS . . . AS I TRAVEL AROUND THE UNITED STATES, I SEE A LOT OF APPRECIATION FOR HIM. A LOT OF PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND SAY, 'STAY THE COURSE'."


WHICH COULD JUST BE AMERICANS OFFERING MARITAL ADVICE BUT THE MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS WHO WAS THAT WOMAN?


WHEN PRESSED ON THE ISSUE TODAY, TONY SNOW REFUSED TO CONFIRM OR DENY THAT THE WOMAN WAS OR WAS NOT LAURA BUSH BUT DID REPEAT THE PREVIOUS WHITE HOUSE LAPDOG (SCOTTY MCCLELLAN)'S TALKING POINT THAT "THE LAURA BUSH LOOK IS JUST A VERY POPULAR, A VERY STYLISH LOOK, THIS YEAR."

THE MYSTERY MIGHT HAVE ENDED UNSOLVED WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT KARL ROVE LOVES THE SPOTLIGHT. SPEAKING TO THE CREEPS AND JACKYLS THAT COMPOSE THE AMERICAN ENTERPRISE INSTITUTE, KARL ROVE OFFERED THAT BULLY BOY WASN'T UNPOPULAR, IT WAS JUST THE WAR THAT WAS UNPOPULAR.

WHEN ASKED IF THE WAR, POPULAR OR NOT, WAS NOT INDEED BULLY BOY'[S WAR THAT HE LAUNCHED, LIED AND TRICKED A NATION OVER AND --

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN POLLS," ROVE DECLARED LAYING HIS RIGHT HAND OVER HIS CHEST, FINGERS SPLAYED.

AS 1 REPORTER SAID, OFF THE RECORD, "THAT WAS A VERY TONY PERKINS MOMENT."


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