Friday, March 10, 2006

THIS JUST IN! DON'T COME KNOCKING WHEN THE CAPITAL'S A-ROCKING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
DON'T COME KNOCKING WHEN THE CAPITAL'S A-ROCKING.
 
DAVID SPADE LOOK ALIKE GAIL NORTON HAS RESIGNED AS SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR.  SHE IS LEAVING TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER FAMILY AND WORK ON A ROAD COMPANY TOUR OF TOMMY BOY.
 
SCOOTER LIBBY'S VERY EXCITED THAT A JUDGE HAS ALLOWED HIM TO HANDLE BULLY BOY'S BRIEFS.  NO WORD YET ON WHETHER SCOOTER WILL ALSO BE GRANTED ACCESS TO THE JOCK STRAPS.
 
AS IF HAVING A GROWN MAN NAMED "SCOOTER" DIGGING THROUGH HIS DRAWERS ISN'T BAD ENOUGH, OUR BLESSED BULLY BOY HAS LEARNED THAT HIS POLLS HAVE DROPPED AGAIN.
 
IN OTHER NEWS BULLY BOY ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT THE PORT DEAL COLLAPSE SENDS A BAD MESSAGE. 
 
"THAT YOUR ADMINISTRATION CAN'T BROKER AN HONEST DEAL?" ASKED HELEN THOMAS, the last journalist left in the DC press corps.
 
 
 
 

Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!
Posted by at

Thursday, March 09, 2006

THIS JUST IN! PRACTICAL JOKER CONDI RICE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
PROFESSIONAL PRACTICAL JOKER CONDI RICE IS AT IT AGAIN.
 
"NUCLEAR WEAPON" SECRETARY OF STATE RICE SQUEALED GETTING RIGHT TO THE PUNCH LINE.
 
AS EVERYONE CHUCKLED, SHE REMINDED ALL OF HER SEPTEMBER 2002 TALK ON IRAQ: "WE DON'T WANT THE SMOKING GUN TO BE A MUSHROOM CLOUD."
 
"GOTCHA!"  CONDI YELPED LAUGHING.
 
EVERY 1 IN THE DC PRESS CORPS LAUGHED SO HARD THEY TURNED BLUE.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!
Posted by at

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS "WILL TOO!"

BULLY BOY PRESS - NEW ORLEANS
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SAYS "WILL TOO!"
 
IN THE MIDST OF A SERIES OF PHOTO OPS TO SHOW THAT HE IS "ON THE JOB" BULLY BOY RESPONDED TO SENATORS JOHN KERRY AND MARY LANDRIEU'S CRITICISM THAT "PHOTO OPS WILL NOT REBUILD THE GULF COAST."
 
"WILL TOO!" RESPONDED BULLY BOY.  "WILL TOO! I'M WEARING MY BLUE SHIRT!  MY BLUE SHIRT SAYS: 'I GET STUFF DONE!'"
 
WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE EFFORTS OF REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS TO KILL THE PORTS DEAL, BULLY BOY REPLIED,  "YOU CAN'T JUST KILL THE PORT.  YOU CAN STARVE THEM AND I AM TRYING TO DO THAT.  YOU CAN EXECUTE THEM AND I'VE DONE THAT.  BUT YOU GOT TO DO IT A LITTLE AT A TIME.  YOU CAN'T JUST DECIDE 1 DAY 'I'M GOING TO KILL THE PORT' AND THEN TURN AROUND AND DO IT.  DON'T WORK THAT WAY."
 
 
 
 
 
 

Yahoo! Mail
Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
Posted by at

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES FEARLESS WHEN IT COMES TO NAME CALLING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - LONDON
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
IN LONDON FOR THE INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING CONTEST, U.S. CHAMPION ALBERTO GONAZLES SPOKE TO THE PRESS.
 
WHEN ASKED WHAT PUT HIM AHEAD OF OTHER CONTESTANTS, ATTORNEY GENERAL GONZALES DECLARED THAT IF HE FEELS HE'S LOSING, "I CAN ALWAYS ARRANGE AN EXTRAORDINARY RENDENTION."
 
ASKED WHAT ELSE GAVE HIM A LEAD, MR. GONZALES SAID THAT HE WAS "FEARLESS" WHEN IT CAME TO NAME CALLING.
 
"THE NOTION THAT YOU CAN'T EMBARRASSOR INSULT SOMEONE, I WOULD QUESTION IF THAT MAKES SENSE TODAY," EXPLAINED ALBERTO GONZALES BEFORE YELLING "HEY KIM! IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A TENNIS SKIRT OR A MUSHROOM FUNGUS!" AT NORTH KOREAN BILLIE JEAN KING CHAMPION KIM JONG IL. 
 
ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES WAS CLEARLY ENJOYING HIMSELF AS HE MODELED THE LATEST IN WOMEN'S SPORTSWEAR FROM
BALLE DE MATCH'S TENNIS & TEAM WEAR COLLECTION.
 
WHEN ASKED WHAT HE THOUGHT THE FUTURE HELD FOR HIM, MR. GONZALES RESPONDED, "THE INTERNATIONAL CROWN.  NO ONE LOOKS MORE LIKE BILLIE JEAN KING THAN ME, NOT EVEN BILLIE JEAN KING.  BUT AT SOME POINT ALL THIS ACCLAIM AND POWER HAS TO END.  WHEN THAT DAY COMES, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO QUIETER DAYS BEHIND BARS.  I'D LOVE TO BE SENT SOMEWHERE LIKE GUANTANAMO.  THEY HAVE STATE-OF-THE-ART MEDICAL CARE, HEALTHY MEALS CONSISTENT WITH THEIR CULTURAL AND RELIGIOUS REQUIREMENTS AND AN OPPORTUNITY TO OBSERVE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS."
 
"I'M ALWAYS PROMOTING IT," MR. GONZALES, ADDED.  "I'M KIND OF LIKE THE SPOKESPERSON.  BUT WHERE EVER I END UP, WHATEVER PRISON, I HOPE WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER.  ME, BULLY BOY, CONDI, DON RUMMY, DICK CHENEY, ALL OF US.  AND THAT I CAN WEAR MY TENNIS SKIRTS.  I HAVE SUCH PRETTY LEGS, DON'T YOU THINK?"
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Yahoo! Mail
Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
Posted by at

Monday, March 06, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CHENEY'S OSCAR NIGHT RAMPAGE!



BULLY BOY PRESS - UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

THIS JUST IN!

FOLLOWING LAST NIGHT'S INDUSTRY SNUB AND SHUT OUT AT THE OSCARS, FAILED WRITE IN CANDIDATE FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR DICK CHENEY SHOUTED OUT "THIS IS THE BIGGEST [BLEEP]ING FRAME UP SINCE WHISTLER'S MOTHER!" AS GEORGE CLOONEY CLAIMED THE AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR.

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY THEN STOOD AND ORDERED HIS POSSE, SCOOTS 'THE LEAK' LIBBY AND ARI 'THE WEASEL' FLEISCHER, TO WALK OUT WITH HIM.

OUTSIDE THE KODAK THEATER, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY WAS STOPPED BY PATTY O'BRIEN WHO ASKED "WHO ARE YOU WEARING?"

"MY [BLEEP]ING BLING-BLING IS BY DI MODOLO, 18K WHITE GOLD, MY HAIR HAS BEEN STYLED WITH TIGI BED HEAD BY JOHN BLAINE FOR MS MANAGEMENT, MY FACE WAS MOISTURIZED WITH INTENSE REBUILDING MOISTURIZER AND A DAB OF GOOD OL' CHEVRON PETROL, I'M WEARING A GUCCI JACKET AND DIESEL JEANS. TAKE A GOOD LOOK BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST [BLEEP]ING TIME YOU'LL SEE ME IN HOLLY [BLEEP]ING WOOD. THEY KILLED THE DUKE, I'LL BE [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ED IF THEY DO ME IN TOO!" VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY SNARLED.

THIS MORNING HIS PUBLICIST, KEN SUNSHINE, TRIED TO PUT A ROSY SPIN ON THE PREVIOUS NIGHT.

"AFTER THE HIGHS OF MAKING BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY, VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY HAS DECIDED IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO TOP SUCH A MOMENT. INSTEAD HE WILL BE FOCUSING ON HIS MUSIC CAREER AND HIS HUMANITARIAN WORK SUCH AS DEPLOYING NUCLEAR WEAPONS AROUND THE WORLD AND EXPORTING CHAOS."

WHEN ASKED OF RUMORS THAT VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY, WHILE APPARENTLY DRUNK, INJURED HEATH LEDGER AT AN AFTER-OSCARS PARTY BY PELTING THE ACTOR WITH SPIT BALLS, THE PUBLICIST RESPONDED, "MR. LEDGER CAME UP BEHIND MR. CHENEY. IT WAS INCUMBENT UPON MR. LEDGER TO ANNOUNCE HIMSELF. THE VICE PRESIDENT WAS NOT AIMING AT MR. LEDGER BUT AT WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS A ROGUE QUAIL."

WHEN ASKED IF MR. LEDGER HAD NOT BEEN TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL FOR TREATMENT, THE PUBLICIST RESPONDED, "MR. CHENEY PREFERS TO FOCUS ON HIS MUSIC. THE BULLIES AND THE TYRANTS NEW RELEASE 'ADMINISTRATION LYIN' ' IS ON THE LIPS AND TONGUES OF EVERY AMERICAN. MR. CHENEY IS QUITE PROUD OF THAT ACCOMPLISHMENT."

Related: "And The War Drags On"





Posted by at
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)