BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
BULLY BOY LAUNCHES OPERATION GET IT UP!
THE MILITARY IS CALLING IT "A SHOW OF FORCE" AND "THE LARGEST AIR ASSAULT"; OBJECTIVE OUTSIDERS ARE DUBBING IT THE BIGGEST WAR CRIMES OF THE OCCUPATION SINCE THE INVASION BEGAN UNDER FALSE PREMISES; BUT BULLY BOY JUST CALLS IT "OPERATION GET IT UP!" AS US FORCES, UNDER THE COVER OF A FEW TOKEN IRAQI FORCES, BEGIN DROPPING BOMBS ON VARIOUS SECTIONS OF IRAQ.
EXPLAINED THE BULLY BOY, "THEY WANT TO CALL IT 'OPERATION SWARMER' BUT I DON'T GET HOW IT'S WARMER THERE? IT'S NOT EVEN SUMMER YET! AND PEOPLE JOKE ABOUT MY SMARTS? SHEESH. I LIKED 'OPERATION BOMB THE HELL' OUT OF THEM. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED A CHEER FROM MY SCHOOL DAYS WHEN I WAS ON THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD. WANT TO SEE ME DO THE SPLITS?"
WHEN NO ONE AFFIRMED THAT THEY DID, BULLY BOY FROWNED A MOMENT THEN BEGAN CLAPPING AND SHAKING HIS BOOTY WHILE CHANTING, "KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP! WE GOTTA' KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP! KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP! WE GOTTA KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!"
GRINNING MADLY, BULL BOY THEN THREW HIS HANDS IN THE AIR, LEPT AND ATTEMPTED TO LAND IN A SPLIT.
THE SHRIEK WAS HEARD THROUGHOUT DC.
AS ANDREW CARD HELPED BULLY BOY WALK OUT OF THE ROOM, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES COULD BE HEARD MUTTERING, "MY THINGIES HURT! OUCHY! OUCHY! MY THNGIES!"
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, LOOKING VERY SHARP WITH BLUE AND WHITE BOWS AND MATCHING NAIL POLISH, EXPLAINED THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO DO A SPLIT.
"WHAT YOU SAW," THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SPOKESPERSON EXPLAINED, "WAS OUR BELOVED BULLY BOY ATTEMPTING TO DEMONSTRATE A BOMB DROPPING FROM A FLYING CHINOOK. IT WAS A MANLY DISPLAY. OUR BLESSED AND MANLY BULLY BOY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING AS GIRLY AS A CHEER."
WHEN THE LAST REAL REPORTER LEFT STANDING IN DC, HELEN THOMAS, ASKED ABOUT INJURIES AND NOTED BULLY BOY'S REMARKS ABOUT HIS "THINGIES" SCOTTY NODDED IN AGREEMENT, "YES, HELEN, OUR FEARLESS LEADER HAS STONES. BIG STONES. GREAT BIG STONES. HE'S QUITE THE MAN. SOMETIMES JUST STANDING NEXT TO HIM MAKES ME DOUBT MY OWN MASCULINITY."
A DRUNKEN WOMAN, DOWNING CANS OF LONE STAR BEER, SHOUTED OUT, "IT'S CALLED 'OPERATION GET IT UP' BECAUSE HE CAN'T!"
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN DENIED THAT THE WOMAN, WHO LOOKED A GREAT DEAL LIKE THE FIRST LADY, WAS IN FACT LAURA BUSH.
AS THE WOMAN WAS LED AWAY BY TWO YOUNG WOMEN WHOM SCOTTY SAID WERE NOT BARBARA AND JENNA BUSH, THE WHITE HOUSE PET EXPLAINED, "THE LAURA BUSH LOOK IS JUST A VERY POPULAR, A VERY STYLISH LOOK, THIS YEAR. I'VE CONSIDERED ADOPTING IT MYSELF."
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