BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
ON WEDNESDAY VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY SHOVED RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SHOOTING OF HARRY WHITTINGTON OFF ONTO BUCK SHOT.
"I'M THE GUY WHO PULLED THE TRIGGER THAT FIRED THE ROUND THAT HIT HARRY."
UNDER EXTREME COAXING FROM FOX NEWS BEAUTY AND PROFESSIONAL TEASE BRIT HUME, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY FINALLY ADMITTED THAT "I'M THE GUY WHO PULLED THE TRIGGER AND SHOT MY FRIEND."
AS THOUGH A GREAT BURDEN HAD BEEN LIFTED OFF HIS CHEST, VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY BEGAN CONFESSING TO A NUMBER OF THINGS.
"I AM THE GUY WHO DECIDED TO OUT CIA AGENT VALERIE PLAME WILSON."
BRIT HUME WAS HEARD TO GASP BUT VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY WASN'T DONE YET. HE DECLARED, "I AM THE GUY WHO KNEW WE COULD GET AWAY WITH LYING THE NATION INTO WAR."
WHILE HUME CALLED FOR MAKE UP AND ASSISTANCE, DICK CHENEY CONTINUED, "I AM THE GUY WHO GLUED LOOSE CHADS BACK ONTO FLORIDA BALLOTS IN 2000. IN 1975, WHILE I WAS GERALD FORD'S WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF I TOOK A HUNTING TRIP TO NORTH CAROLINA WITH STROM THURMOND. LET'S JUST SAY HEAVY PETTING WAS INVOLVED, A LOT OF OVER THE HUNTING JACKET ACTION."
HUME FINALLY CUT OFF VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY TO SAY, "WE HAVE TO GO TO COMMERCIAL."
"GREAT," NODDED THE DICKSTER. "WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL TALK TURKEY ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ON NOVEMBER 22, 1963."
WHEN EAR WAX WITH BRIT HUME CONTINUED, IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY HAD TO STEP AWAY FROM THE STUDIO BUT, AS A SPECIAL TREAT, CONDI RICE HAD DROPPED BY TO DEMONSTRATE TO AMERICA HOW SHE CAN CRACK WALLNUTS OPEN WITH HER BARE HANDS.
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