BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
BULLY BOY HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY WHICH WAS ATTENDED BY MANY PERSONS WHO POSED AS A FREE PRESS, WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTT MCCLELLEN AND A WOMAN WHO LOOKED MYSTERIOUSLY LIKE FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH THOUGH MCCLELLEN SWORE IT WAS NOT THE FIRST LADY.
NOTING THE VIOLENCE IN IRAQ THAT HAS CLAIMED A REPORTED 1300 IRAQIS IN "LESS THAN A WEEK," BULLY BOY DECLARED "THE CHOICE IS CHAOS OR UNITY."
AT THIS POINT THE WOMAN, WHOM WHITE HOUSE PET MCCLELLAN SWORE WAS NOT LAURA BUSH, SHOUTED OUT, "YEAH! UNITE AGAINST US OR LIVE UNDER CHAOS!"
BULLY BOY APPEARED VISIBLY NERVOUS AS THE WOMAN STOOD GLARING AT HIM, SIPPING FROM A CAN OF BUDWEISER.
SCOTT MCCLELLAN NUDGED A JOURNALIST IMPERSONATER AND WAS HEARD TO SAY "ASK YOUR QUESTION NOW!" THE IMPOSTER DID SO: "ARE YOU FOR OR AGAINST THE BOMBINGS OF THE MOSQUES IN IRAQ?"
"SOFT BALL OVER THE PLATE!" MCCLELLAN EXCLAIMED ATTEMPTING TO DO THE SNOOPY DANCE UNTIL A BUDWEISER CAN HIT HIM IN THE HEAD, THROWN BY THE WOMAN WHOM THE WHITE HOUSE MAINTAINS WAS NOT LAURA BUSH.
CLEARING HIS THROAT, THE BULLY BOY REPLIED, "THE UNITED STATES STRONGLY CONDEMS THE BOMBING OF HOLY SITES."
"THAT'S RIGHT, GEORGE!" HOLLERED THE WOMAN WHO WAS NOT LAURA BUSH WHILE SHE OPENED A FRESH CAN OF BUD, "WE DON'T BOMB HOLY SITES, WE BOMB HOSPITALS! WE BOMB HOMES! CAN'T BOMB A PLACE OF WORSHIP, MIGHT MAKE OLD PATTY ROBERTSON NERVOUS!"
THE WOMAN WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THE FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH BUT, AGAIN, WE WERE TOLD WAS NOT THE FIRST LADY, CONTINUED TO HECKLE BULLY BOY THROUGHOUT THE CONFERENCE (AND REPORTEDLY POLISHED OFF A SIX PACK AND A HALF WHILE DOING SO). MANY WERE HEARD TO WONDER WHY THE SECRET SERVICE, WHICH USUALLY DID NOT HESISTATE TO WHISK AWAY ANYONE WHO ENTERED THE BULLY BOY BUBBLE, FAILED TO REMOVE THE OBVIOUSLY DRUNK AND DISORDERLY WOMAN?
AT ONE POINT THE BULLY BOY ADDRESSED THE WOMAN DIRECTLY SAYING, "LUMP IN THE BED, PLEASE YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME."
TO WHICH THE WOMAN RESPONDED, "CRY BABY, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE HALF OF IT. DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL CODEPINK ON YOUR ASS."
THE WOMAN, WHO AGAIN THE WHITE HOUSE SAYS WAS NOT LAURA BUSH, BUT IS APPARENTLY A HEAVY DRINKING WOMAN NAMED "LUMP IN THE BED," CONTINUED TO HECKLE BULLY BOY UNTIL SHE WAS LED AWAY BY A YOUNG, BLONDE WOMAN WHOM SCOTT MCCLELLAN INSISTED WAS NOT JENNA BUSH.
THE ONLY LIVING JOURNALIST IN THE DC PRESS CORP, HELEN THOMAS, WAS SEEN TO SHAKE HER HEAD AND HEARD TO SAY, "IT'S WORSE THAN PAT NIXON."
Related: "Democracy Now: John Pace, Dave Isay; NSA hearings -- Miss Priss Instant Cuckoo (O. Hatch!)"
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