Thursday, October 26, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ANOTHER GOP OFFICIAL BITES THE DUST!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

DAVID A. PETERSEN, REPUBLICAN, THE TREASURER OF ARIZONA HAD A STRANGE REQUEST. HE WANTED HIS COMPUTER CLEANED.

NOT THE KEYBOARD, NOT THE MONITOR SCREEN. HE WANTED "EVIDENCE OF VISITS TO PORNOGRAPHIC WEB SITES . . . SANTIZED FROM HIS COMPUTER".

APPARENTLY WHEN NOT "MEETING WITH A CONTROVERSIAL EVANGELIST," PETERSON ENJOYED A BIT OF THE PORN IN THE MIDST OF THE WORK DAY.


REACHED FOR COMMENT, PETERSEN TOLD THESE REPORTERS, "NO COMMENT." HE ALSO CURSED US OUT ABOUT "KNOCKING ME OFF THE WEB BY CALLING!" LEADING THESE REPORTERS TO ASSUME HE HAD A DIAL UP CONNECTION AND ONLY ONE PHONE LINE.

A CLOSE FRIEND WHO DID NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ("WOULD YOU?!!!?") TOLD US THAT HE FELT DAVID A. PETERSEN "PROVES THAT BEING THE FATHER OF 8 DOESN'T MEAN YOU LOSE INTEREST IN THE PORN. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A PORNY LITTLE DEVIL."

POSSIBLY, BUT PLEADING GUILTY YESTERDAY MEANS HE IS NOT STATE TREASURER MUCH LONGER. PETERSEN PLEADED TO A CLASS 1 MISDEMEANOR FOR "FAILURE TO DISCLOSE A $4,200 COMMISSION HE RECIEVED FROM THE CHARACTER TRAINING INSTITUTE." ONE THINKS HE SPENT TOO LITTLE TIME AT THE CHARACTER TRAINING INSTITUTE BUT MAYBE THEY USED A "NET NANNY" ON THEIR COMPUTERS. PETERSEN WILL BE SENTENCED DECEMBER 1ST AND "AS PART OF THE PLEA AGREEMENT REACHED WITH ATTORNEY GENERAL TERRY GODDARD, MR. PETERSEN MUST RESIGN NO LATER THAN DEC. 1".


FROM THE TCI WIRE:

Meanwhile, Qassim Abdul-Zahra (AP) notes that the US military death toll in Iraq has "reached the highest level in nearly two years on Thursday following the deaths of four U.S. Marines and one Navy sailor in volatile Anbar province." The US military announced: "One Sailor assigned to 3rd Naval Construction Regiment, two Marines assigned to Regimental Combat Team 5 and two Marines assigned to Regimental Combat Team 7 died Wednesday from injuries sustained due to enemy action while operating in Al Anbar Province." The BBC notes that Bully Boy "on Wednesday admitted being seriously concerned about the scale of American casualties." Not 'seriously concerned' enough to get the number of American fatalities correct. Some people are seriously concerned such as Diana Unger who spoke to CBS' Byron Pitts about her son David Unger: "My son died in a country that I have no idea, really, why we're even there" and, of the Bully Boy, "Unless he puts his daughters over there and he has that real fear everyday of not wanting to turn on the television, that fear that gets into your heart and your head, he can't fathom what that means."

[. . .]

". . . truth is often denied at first, then grudgingly accepted until it becomes comventional wisdom," Danny Schechter News Dissector notes writing about the parallels between Vietnam and Iraq (at BuzzFlash): "There is a word missing in most of the coverage of Iraq. It's a ghost-laden word that conjures up distressing memories that Washington and most of our media prefer to keep in that proverbial 'lock box,' hidden away in dusty archives and footage libraries. The word is Vietnam. Its absence was never more noticeable than in the coverage this past weekend of the 30th anniversary of the end of the Vietnam War, marked in Vietnam with celebrations, but largely ignored in America where CNN led with the story of a bride who went missing when she had second thoughts. Is this denial or is it deliberate?"

Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
"Bully Boy doesn't know the number of US fatalities but timid media can't tell you that"
"Knickmeyer raised the issue (that Gen. Casey ignored)"
"Daniel Ellsberg, the Mamas and the Papas, Iraq"
"Iraq and Tony picks 12 of his favorite Ava & C.I. TV reviews"
"THIS JUST IN! IRAQ RESPONDS!"
"Iraq hollers back to the Bully Boy (humor)"
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THIS JUST IN! ANOTHER REPUBLICAN OFFICIAL BITES THE DUST!

 
DAVID A. PETERSEN, REPUBLICAN, THE TREASURER OF ARIZONA HAD A STRANGE REQUEST.  HE WANTED HIS COMPUTER CLEANED.
 
NOT THE KEYBOARD, NOT THE MONITOR SCREEN.  HE WANTED "EVIDENCE OF VISITS TO PORNOGRAPHIC WEB SITES . . . SANTIZED FROM HIS COMPUTER".
 
APPARENTLY WHEN NOT "MEETING WITH A CONTROVERSIAL EVANGELIST," PETERSON ENJOYED A BIT OF THE PORN IN THE MIDST OF THE WORK DAY.
 
 
REACHED FOR COMMENT, PETERSEN TOLD THESE REPORTERS, "NO COMMENT."  HE ALSO CURSED US OUT ABOUT "KNOCKING ME OFF THE WEB BY CALLING!" LEADING THESE REPORTERS TO ASSUME HE HAD A DIAL UP CONNECTION AND ONLY ONE PHONE LINE.
 
A CLOSE FRIEND WHO DID NOT WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ("WOULD YOU?!!!?") TOLD US THAT HE FELT DAVID A. PETERSEN "PROVES THAT BEING THE FATHER OF 8 DOESN'T MEAN YOU LOSE INTEREST IN THE PORN.  HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A PORNY LITTLE DEVIL."
 
POSSIBLY, BUT PLEADING GUILTY YESTERDAY MEANS HE IS NOT STATE TREASURER MUCH LONGER.  PETERSEN PLEADED TO A CLASS 1 MISDEMEANOR  FOR "FAILURE TO DISCLOSE A $4,200 COMMISSION HE RECIEVED FROM THE CHARACTER TRAINING INSTITUTE."  ONE THINKS HE SPENT TOO LITTLE TIME AT THE CHARACTER TRAINING INSTITUTE BUT MAYBE THEY USED A "NET NANNY" ON THEIR COMPUTERS.  PETERSEN WILL BE SENTENCED DECEMBER 1ST AND "AS PART OF THE PLEA AGREEMENT REACHED WITH ATTORNEY GENERAL TERRY GODDARD, MR. PETERSEN MUST RESIGN NO LATER THAN DEC. 1". 
 
 
FROM THE TCI WIRE:
 
Meanwhile, Qassim Abdul-Zahra (AP) notes that the US military death toll in Iraq has "reached the highest level in nearly two years on Thursday following the deaths of four U.S. Marines and one Navy sailor in volatile Anbar province."  The US military announced: "One Sailor assigned to 3rd Naval Construction Regiment, two Marines assigned to Regimental Combat Team 5 and two Marines assigned to Regimental Combat Team 7 died Wednesday from injuries sustained due to enemy action while operating in Al Anbar Province."  The BBC notes that Bully Boy "on Wednesday admitted being seriously concerned about the scale of American casualties."  Not 'seriously concerned' enough to get the number of American fatalities correct.  Some people are seriously concerned such as Diana Unger who spoke to CBS' Byron Pitts about her son David Unger: "My son died in a country that I have no idea, really, why we're even there" and, of the Bully Boy, "Unless he puts his daughters over there and he has that real fear everyday of not wanting to turn on the television, that fear that gets into your heart and your head, he can't fathom what that means."
 
[. . .]
 
". . . truth is often denied at first, then grudgingly accepted until it becomes comventional wisdom," Danny Schechter News Dissector notes writing about the parallels between Vietnam and Iraq (at BuzzFlash): "There is a word missing in most of the coverage of Iraq.  It's a ghost-laden word that conjures up distressing memories that Washington and most of our media prefer to keep in that proverbial 'lock box,' hidden away in dusty archives and footage libraries.  The word is Vietnam.  Its absence was never more noticeable than in the coverage this past weekend of the 30th anniversary of the end of the Vietnam War, marked in Vietnam with celebrations, but largely ignored in America where CNN led with the story of a bride who went missing when she had second thoughts.  Is this denial or is it deliberate?"
 
Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
 
 

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

THIS JUST IN! IRAQ RESPONDS!

 
TODAY BULLY BOY ADDRESSED THE PRESS AND, BY PROXY, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO DECLARE "THAT MEDIA REPORTS FROM IRAQ ARE DISTORTING THE ACTUAL SITUATION IN THE COUNTRY."
 
REACHED FOR COMMENT, IRAQ HOLLERED (OVER THE SOUNDS OF EXPLOSIONS AND GUN SHOTS) BACK, "IRAQ THINKS THAT THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES IS DISTROTING THE ACTUAL SITUATION HERE.  IT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU KNOW."
 
 
 
 
 
Starting with peace news.  As Ann Scott Tyson (Washington Post) reports, Appeal for Redress is up and running: "More than 100 U.S. service members have signed a rare appeal urging Congress to support the 'prompt withdrawal' of all American troops and bases from Iraq" and that the action's goal is to gather 2,000 signatures to the appeal before presenting it to Congress.  Drew Brown (McClatchy Newspapers) reports that the target date for delivery to Congress is MLK Day (Monday, January 15, 2007). [Readers of the New York Times who are wondering where this in their paper, it's right there on page A13, a whopping one paragraph -- from AP -- in National Briefing.]
 
 
From Appeal for Redress:

An Appeal for Redress from the War in Iraq
Many active duty, reserve, and guard service members are concerned about the war in Iraq and support the withdrawal of U.S. troops. The Appeal for Redress provides a way in which individual service members can appeal to their Congressional Representative and US Senators to urge an end to the U.S. military occupation. The Appeal messages will be delivered to members of Congress at the time of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January 2007.
The wording of the Appeal for Redress is short and simple. It is patriotic and respectful in tone.
As a patriotic American proud to serve the nation in uniform, I respectfully urge my political leaders in Congress to support the prompt withdrawal of all American military forces and bases from Iraq . Staying in Iraq will not work and is not worth the price. It is time for U.S. troops to come home.
If you agree with this message, click here.
The Appeal for Redress is sponsored by active duty service members based in the Norfolk area and by a sponsoring committee of veterans and military family members. The Sponsoring committee consists of Iraq Veterans Against the War, Veterans For Peace, and Military Families Speak Out.
Members of the military have a legal right to communicate with their member of Congress. To learn more about the rights and restrictions that apply to service members click here.
Attorneys and counselors experienced in military law are available to help service members who need assistance in countering any attempts to suppress this communication with members of Congress.
Several members of Congress have expressed interest in receiving the Appeal for Redress.
Click here to send the Appeal to your elected representatives.
 
 
 
Ehren Watada's attorney, Eric Seitz, is quoted by Drew Brown:  "The kinds of resistance and opposition and outrage that military people are now beginning to express has been simmering for quite a while. But it's about to just burst out in huge waves."   Ehren Watada is the first commissioned US officer to publicly refuse to deploy to Iraq.  His father, Bob Watada, is beginning his third speaking tour to raise awareness of his son's case [an Article 32 hearing recommended court-martial, no decision has yet been annouced].  This speaking tour will last from October 26 through November 17th. 
 
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BIG DENNY HASTERT TRAVELS WITH ENTOURAGE!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE BIG DENNY HASTERT WENT BEFORE THE HOUSE ETHICS COMMITTEE TO TRY OUT HIS "I KNOW NOTHING" ROUTING REGARDING THE MARK FOLEY/PAGEGATE SCANDAL.

WHETHER OR NOT HE'S ABLE TO FOOL THE COMMITTEE, THE REALITY IS THE MOST INTERESTING NEWS ABOUT BIG DENNY'S TESTIMONY TO THE HOUSE ETHICS COMMITTEE TODAY IS THIS: "SHORTLY BEFORE THE SPEAKER APPEARED, HIS SECURITY DETAIL ARRIVED AND WENT INSIDE THE ETHICS COMMITTEE ROOM, WHERE TESTIMONY IS TAKEN IN SECRET SESSIONS. HASTERT THEN ARRIVED WITH HIS ATTORNEY, J. RANDOLPH EVANS OF ATLANTA."

WHEN ASKED BY THESE REPORTERS ASKED VARIOUS MEMBERS OF CONGRESS "WHAT THE F**K WAS UP WITH THAT?" ALL BUT ONE DECLINED TO GO ON THE RECORD.

REPUBLICAN BOB NEY, OF ALL PEOPLE, AGREED PROVIDED WE NOT REVISIT "FELON IN THE CONGRESS." HIS GROUND RULES WERE THAT THE TERM "FELON IN THE CONGRESS" NOT APPEAR IN OUR REPORT. WHEN THESE REPORTERS INFORMED WE DID NOT AGREE TO THE GROUND RULES, HE RELENTED.

"IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE I WON'T EVEN BE BILLED AS 'CONGRESSMAN' ANYMORE," NEY SAID WIPING THE SWEAT FROM HIS FOREHEAD. "LET ME GRAB ALL THE PRESS I CAN NOW."

DISGRACED CONGRESSMAN NEY TOLD US, "BIG DENNY'S ALWAYS HAD A DIVA STREAK. HE'S TRIED FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS TO GET ON TYRA BANK'S AMERICA'S TOP MODEL. TRAVELING WITH THE MAKE UP GALS AND HANGER ONS THAT MAKE UP HIS POSSE MAKE HIM FEEL PRETTY."

WE THANKED CONVICTED FELON AND CONGRESSMAN BOB NEY FOR HIS TIME AND ASKED HIM IF HE INTENDED TO CONTINUE TO SERVE IN CONGRESS UP TO THE MOMENT HE'S HANDCUFFED AND LED OFF TO PRISON?

"HELL YEAH!" WHOOPED THE SOON TO BE IMPRISONED NEY. "I'M GOING TO RIDE THIS GRAVY TRAIN 'TILL THE WHEELS FALL OFF!"



Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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"White house intervention (parody)"
"THIS JUST IN! AN ATTEMPTED WHITE HOUSE INTERVENTION!"
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Monday, October 23, 2006

THIS JUST IN! AN ATTEMPTED WHITE HOUSE INTERVENTION!

 
 
 
IN AN ATTEMPT TO STEM THE LOSS OF LIVES IN IRAQ (2800 U.S. TROOPS KILLED, OVER 655,000 IRAQIS KILLED) AND TO SALVAGE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, THESE REPORTERS MET WITH CONDI RICE TODAY AT APPROXIMATELY 3:30 PM EST ARMED WITH WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.
 
 
SECRETARY OF STATE RICE GREETED US WARMLY, "THANK GOD!  A MEETING.  I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PRETEND TO SKIM TODAY'S P.D.B. I HATE THESE THINGS.  THEY NEVER HAVE ANYTHING POSITIVE TO SAY AND THEY GO ON SO LONG.  CAN'T THE C.I.A. JUST PREPARE A DRAWING WITH A THUMBS UP OR A THUMBS DOWN?  THAT WOULD TELL US ALL WE NEED TO KNOW."
 
SECRETARY RICE THEN LOOKED ALARMED WHEN SHE NOTED WE WERE CARRYING A BOOK.
 
"NO ONE TOLD ME READING WAS REQUIRED FOR THIS MEETING," SHE SAID NERVOUSLY RISING TO HER FEET.
 
AFTER WE CALMED HER BY STATING WE WOULD BE READING TO HER, SECRETARY RICE RETURNED TO HER POSITIVE PERSONALITY AND ASKED IF MAYBE THERE WAS TIME TO ASK SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD TO BRING IN SOME MILK AND COOKIES AS WELL AS "MY BLANKETA BECAUSE I LOVE TO TAKE A NAP AFTER I'M READ TO?  YOU KNOW HE'S GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT RUN ERRANDS THESE DAYS.  HE'S SHUT OUT OF THE LOOP."
 
EXPLAINING THAT THE READING WOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG PROMPTED A HEAVY SIGH FROM SECRETARY RICE BUT SHE WAVED HER HAND TO INDICATE WE SHOULD CONTINUE.
 
"DEADLINE," WE READ, "IS DEFINED AS '(1) A LINE DRAWN WITHIN OR AROUND A PRISON THAT PRISONER PASSES AT THE RISK OF BEING SHOT, (2) A DATE OR TIME BEFORE WHICH SOMETHING MUST BE DONE: SPECIF: THE TIME AFTER WHICH COPY IS NOT ACCEPTED FOR A PARTICULAR ISSUE OF A PUBLICATION'."
 
"MILESTONE," WE READ, "IS DEFINED AS '(1) A STONE SERVING AS A MILEPOST, (2) A SIGNIFICANT POINT IN DEVELOPMENT'."
 
"WHAT'S YOUR POINT?" ASKED A NERVOUS RICE.  "YOU DIDN'T SAY THERE WOULD BE A VOCABULARY TEST.  I COULD HAVE RESCHEDULED YOU FOR NEXT WEEK AND PREPARED."
 
THESE REPORTERS EXPLAINED THEY WERE JUST QUESTIONING THE ADMINISTRATION'S QUIBBLING OVER THE TERMS "DEADLINES" AND "MILESTONES."
 
"OH, THAT," CONDI RICE SAID LAUGHING.  "OKAY, SURE.  I CAN FIELD THAT.  SEE A 'MILESTONE' IS SOMETHING YOU SEND OUT INVITATIONS TO.  LIKE A WEDDING OR ANNIVERSARY OR THE 1ST TIME A BUSH FAMILY MEMBERS RUNS OVER AND KILLS SOMEONE."
 
AFTER GASPING FOR BREATH FROM LAUGHING AT HER OWN JOKE, SECRETARY RICE RESUMED SPEAKING, "LEAVE THAT IN, BY THE WAY.  I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO REALIZE IT'S NOT ALL GLOOM & DOOM HERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE.  WE LIKE TO LAUGH AS MUCH ANYONE.  IN FACT, I'LL CALL MAGGIE [MARGARET SPELLINGS, SECRETARY OF EDUCATION] AND TELL HER TO SHOW YOU GUYS HER WHOOPIE CUSHION COLLECTION ON THE WAY OUT.  BUT A 'MILESTONE' IS SIGNIFICANT.  A 'DEADLINE,' WELL WE JUST BLOW THOSE OFF.  HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING IN THE LAST 6 YEARS OF THIS ADMINISTRATION?"
 
WHEN ASKED IF SHE WAS JOKING, SECRETARY RICE LOOKED PETURBED, "NO, I'M NOT JOKING.  WE BLOW OFF DEADLINES.  AM I JOKING?  PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO GET MY SENSE OF HUMOR.  KIM JONG IL DIDN'T EITHER.  WE DON'T 'DO DEALINES' IN THIS ADMINISTRATION AND YOU CAN PRINT THAT.  IF I CATCH ANY FLACK, I'LL JUST CLAIM I WAS MISTRANSLATED."
 
WHEN REMINDED THAT THIS INTERVIEW WAS CONDUCTED IN ENGLISH, A WEARY CONDI RICE ASKED, "WHAT'S YOUR POINT?"
 
 
In other peace news, war resister Kyle Snyder intends to return to the United States from Canada next month as Courage to Resist.reported in an e-mail sent out Friday. In August, Synder explained his decision to self-check out of the US military and go to Canada to Karen Button noting, "You know, if they want to help people in Iraq . . . imagine a 15 year-old kid, for the last . . . years all he's seen is [US] military personnel with weapons going through his city.  How is that child supposed to believe that the man, in that uniform is helping him?  Now, if that child saw a convoy of logs being brought to his city, or a convory of water being brought to his city, still guarded, it would be a completely different situation.  That's where the American military messed up.  Because they forgot about the perception of civilisation.  They forgot about the perception of the Iraqi people."
 
 
Meanwhile, Ehren Watada's father Bob Watada is launching another speaking tour to raise awareness on his son -- the first commissioned officer to publicly refuse to deploy to Iraq.  The tour kicks off October 26 in Phoenix, AZ and is set to conclude November 17th in Atlanta, GA.  A full schedule can be found at Veterans for Peace.
 
 
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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  • The Third Estate Sunday Review E-mail Bag
  • Quck take: The Generals!
  • CounterWhen?
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    Friday, October 20, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! 'BULLY BOY REMEMBERS VIETNAM'!

     
    THIS JUST IN! 
     
    'BULLY BOY REMEMBERS VIETNAM!'
     
    WORLD LAUGHS!
     
    DRESS UP NO LONGER FUN!
     
     
     
    DRESSING UP DAYS AREN'T SO FUN FOR BULLY BOY ANYMORE. (PICTURED ABOVE IN MAY 2003.)
     
    AFTER BULLY BOY COMPARED IRAQ TO VIETNAM, EVERYONE HAS BEEN COMPARING IT.  AND MOST HAVEN'T BEEN TOO KIND LIKE THE SCOTLAND HERALD'S EDITORIAL "BUSH HAS HIS VIETNAM."
     
    SAID A WHITE HOUSE LAPDOG, "HE'S SAD AND HE'S MAD.  HE FEELS PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING AT HIM AND HE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY DRESS UP AGAIN. IF HE CAN'T PLAY DRESS UP, HE MIGHT HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH REALITY."
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

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    Thursday, October 19, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! WHO IS THE AP HELPING?

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    WHO IS THE AP HELPING?
     
    WILL LESTER, WHO IS NOT THE COMEDY DUO WILLIE & LESTER, WRITES TODAY ABOUT A STORY FUELED BY A WEBSITE HEYJOHN.ORG AND THE QUESTION IS WHY?
     
    THE WEB SITE, WHICH ATTEMPTS TO SHAME JOHN KERRY, ONLY STARTED POSTING ON OCTOBER 18TH.  THE SITE ALLOWS COMMENTS AND CURRENTLY HAS A WHOPPING 10 COMMENTS --  6 TO THEIR OLDEST, 4 TO THE SECOND OLDEST AND NONE TO THE NEWEST.
     
    A WEB SITE THAT TAKES COMMENTS AND HAS ONLY GENERATED 10 COMMENTS IN ITS ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS WORTHY OF COVERAGE FROM  THE ASSOCIATED PRESS?
     
    OR IS IT A CASE OF WHO YOU KNOW?  IT IS CERTAINLY NOT A CASE OF A WEBSITE THAT HAS RECEIVED MASSIVE ATTENTION FROM THE PUBLIC ATTRACTING THE PRESS.
     
    WHEN THE PRESS COVERAGE LEADS, THESE REPORTERS WOULD ARGUE YOU NEED TO ASK QUESTIONS. 
     
    1) WHO IS BEHIND THE WEBSITE?
     
    2) WHY DID THE ASSOCIATED PRESS DECIDE TO WRITE ABOUT IT?
     
    3) WHO CALLED IN A FAVOR?
     
     
     
     
    THE WEBSITE DESCRIBES ITSELF AS:
     
    Hey, John! is a grassroots effort to help the Democrats take back Congress in 2006 by freeing up the money we donated John Kerry in 2004.
    Whether or not he runs for President again, John Kerry owes it to all of us who supported him two years ago to help the party and its candidates now. President Kerry would go farther with Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid than with the corrupt GOP still in power.
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

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    Wednesday, October 18, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY PLOTS HIS ESCAPE!

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    BULLY BOY PLOTS HIS ESCAPE!
     
    IT'S NOT JUST THAT HE USED TO ENJOY WATCHING STAR TREK WHILE HE ROLLED ONE.
     
    IT'S THAT HE NEEDS TO PLAN FOR HIS FUTURE.
     
     
    AND MAYBE THAT 100,000 ACRE RANCH IN PARAGUAY THAT HE JUST SNAPPED UP WON'T GIVE HIM ALL THE ROOM HE NEEDS? 
     
    IN CASE A U.N. WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL IS CALLED, BULLY BOY NEEDS SPACE TO MOVE AND AND WHAT BETTER SPACE THAN . . . SPACE.  THE FINAL FRONTIER.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO BULLY HAS GONE BEFORE.
     
     
    THE PLAN, A FORMER WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG NAMED SCOTTY SAID, IS, SHOULD THE DEMOCRATS REGAIN THE HOUSE, PREPARE TO LAUNCH BULLY BOY INTO SPACE TO AVOID HIM HAVING TO STAND TRIAL FOR IMPEACHMENT.
     
    THE SOURCE STATES THAT BULLY BOY WAS VERY EXCITED BY THE PLAN AND ASKED FOR A LIGHT SABER TO IMPRESS THE "SPACE BABES WITH, ESPECIALLY THAT HOT-CHA-CHA SEA HAG."
     
    WHEN ASKED, THE SOURCE STATED THAT, YES, THIS WAS THE SEA HAG FROM THE POPEYE CARTOONS.
     
    "HE GETS SPACE AND UNDER WATER CONFUSED,"  SCOTTY EXPLAINED.  "HE KEEPS WANTING TO SHOW US HOW HE'LL DOG PADDLE THROUGH THE MILKY WAY."
     
     
     

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    Tuesday, October 17, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! JOE LIEBERMAN SINGS "I NEVER CHANGE MY EVIL WAYS"

    BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -- DC.


    THIS JUST IN!

    JOE LIEBERMAN SINGS: "I NEVER CHANGE MY EVIL WAYS."





    THE ULTIMATE UGLY BETTY (MODELING BEACH WEAR AT LEFT) JUST GOT A LITTLE UGLIER IN HIS DESPERATION TO HOLD ONTO A SENATE SEAT SO HE CAN CONTINUE TO PARTY WITH BILL FRIST AND TRENT LOTT. JOE LIEBERMAN, AFTER TAKING SEVERAL DAYS TO PONDER THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT THE COUNTRY WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITH DEMOCRATS IN CHARGE OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, JOE UGLYMAN, LIE-MAN, AND ALL ROUND G.O.P. SUCK UP, DECLARED, "IT'S NOT GOINT TO BE MUCH OF A STEP FORWARD IF THERE'S A NEW DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE TONE IN WASHINGTON."

    APPARENTLY THE CHANGED "TONE" NEEDS TO INCLUDE PEOPLE PRAISING THE WET KISSES HE AND BULLY BOY EXCHANGE.

    HIT THE DOOR, ISADORE, HIT THE DOOR.







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    "THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GETS HOT & HEAVY FOR LOVE!"

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    Monday, October 16, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GETS HOT & HEAVY FOR LOVE!


    THIS JUST IN!
    BULLY BOY REASSURE AL-MALIKI!
    NOURI AL-MALIKI, THE PUPPET OF THE ILLEGAL OCCUPATION OF IRAQ, WOKE
    UP FEEL TENSE AND BLOATED.
    SOMETIMES A PUPPET JUST NEEDS TO FEEL THE LOVE, NEEDS TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE STILL CARES.
    SO BULLY BOY CALLED AL-MALIKI. HE REASSURED HIM THAT HE STILL CARED, HE TOLD AL-MALIKI HE DIDN'T LOOK FAT AND THAT THE NEW HAIR CUT WAS 'SNAZZY.' HE ASSURED AL-MALIKI THAT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HAVE TO END AND THAT HE'S NEVER FAR FROM THE BULLY BOY'S THOUGHTS OR HEART.
    AL-MALIKI WORRIED ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE WERE SAYING ABOUT HIM AND BULLY BOY RESPONDED BY DUSTING OFF AN OLD CAROLE KING AND GERRY GOFFIN CHESNUT, "OH NO, NOT MY SWEET BABY," AND SINGING IT TO AL-MALIKI:
    WHEN MY FRIENDS TOLD ME YOU HAD SOMEONE NEW
    I DIDN'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD WAS TRUE
    I SHOWED THEM ALL I HAD FAITH IN YOU
    I JUST KEPT ON SAYING
    OH, NO, NOT MY BABY
    OH, NO, NOT MY SWEET BABY
    YOU'RE NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER GUYS
    WHO LEAD YOU ON AND TELL YOUR LIES
    THEN BULLY BOY TOLD AL-MALIKI HE'D LEAVE U.S. FORCES IN IRAQ FOR AS LONG AS AL-MALIKI WANTED OR AS LONG AS TARGETS WERE NEEDED.
    AFTER MAKING KISSY NOISES AND SAYING "NO, YOU HANG UP FIRST!" THEY
    ENDED THEIR PHONE CALL.
    Mike noted Pacifica's new program Informed Dissent which is a thirty minute, weekly program covering the national election. The September 23rd broadcast focused on the Iraq war and featured many discussions and reports. On the war, Jodie Evans (CODEPINK) declared, "This issue is effecting every other" and listed concrete examples of what isn't being funded as the illegal war is. Evans also noted that, "It's baffling to look at the Democratic Party and see how spineless and lacking in leadership they are." Informed Dissent airs once a week, a half-hour show, looking at the 2006 US elections, hosted by Mitch Jeserich and featuring contributions from many Pacifica broadcasters.
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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  • Editorial: What does it say?
  • TV Review: Try to ignore the Shark in the room
  • War Hawks Anonymous (Parody)
  • Target: 14-year-old Julia Wilson
  • The Brazen Cindra
  • Felon in the Congress
  • About the TV reviews
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  • Mike and C.I. each pick a highlight


    • Posted by at

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GETS HOT & HEAVY FOR LOVE!

    THIS JUST IN!
     
    BULLY BOY REASSURE AL-MALIKI!
     
    NOURI AL-MALIKI, THE PUPPET OF THE ILLEGAL OCCUPATION OF IRAQ, WOKE UP FEEL TENSE AND BLOATED.
     
    SOMETIMES A PUPPET JUST NEEDS TO FEEL THE LOVE, NEEDS TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE STILL CARES.
     
    SO BULLY BOY CALLED AL-MALIKI.  HE REASSURED HIM THAT HE STILL CARED, HE TOLD AL-MALIKI HE DIDN'T LOOK FAT AND THAT THE NEW HAIR CUT WAS 'SNAZZY.'  HE ASSURED AL-MALIKI THAT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HAVE TO END AND THAT HE'S NEVER FAR FROM THE BULLY BOY'S THOUGHTS OR HEART. 
     
    AL-MALIKI WORRIED ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE WERE SAYING ABOUT HIM AND BULLY BOY RESPONDED BY DUSTING OFF AN OLD CAROLE KING AND GERRY GOFFIN CHESNUT, "OH NO, NOT MY SWEET BABY," AND SINGING IT TO AL-MALIKI:
     
    WHEN MY FRIENDS TOLD ME YOU HAD SOMEONE NEW
    I DIDN'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD WAS TRUE
    I SHOWED THEM ALL I HAD FAITH IN YOU
    I JUST KEPT ON SAYING
    OH, NO, NOT MY BABY
    OH, NO, NOT MY SWEET BABY
    YOU'RE NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER GUYS
    WHO LEAD YOU ON AND TELL YOUR LIES
     
    THEN BULLY BOY TOLD AL-MALIKI HE'D LEAVE U.S. FORCES IN IRAQ FOR AS LONG AS AL-MALIKI WANTED OR AS LONG AS TARGETS WERE NEEDED. 
     
    AFTER MAKING KISSY NOISES AND SAYING "NO, YOU HANG UP FIRST!" THEY
    ENDED THEIR PHONE CALL.
     
     
     
     
    Mike noted Pacifica's new program Informed Dissent which is a thirty minute, weekly program covering the national election.  The September 23rd broadcast focused on the Iraq war and featured many discussions and reports. On the war, Jodie Evans (CODEPINK) declared, "This issue is effecting every other" and listed concrete examples of what isn't being funded as the illegal war is.  Evans also noted that, "It's baffling to look at the Democratic Party and see how spineless and lacking in leadership they are."  Informed Dissent airs once a week, a half-hour show, looking at the 2006 US elections, hosted by Mitch Jeserich and featuring contributions from many Pacifica broadcasters.
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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  • barbra streisand and an idiot who slams her
  • Editorial: What does it say?
  • TV Review: Try to ignore the Shark in the room
  • War Hawks Anonymous (Parody)
  • Target: 14-year-old Julia Wilson
  • The Brazen Cindra
  • Felon in the Congress
  • About the TV reviews
  • Ruth's Report
  • Mike and C.I. each pick a highlight
    •  

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    Friday, October 13, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! FELON IN THE CONGRESS

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    FELON IN THE CONGRESS!
     
    REPUBLICAN CONGRESS REPRESENTATIVE BOB NYE APPEARED BEFORE JUDGE ELLEN S. HUVELLE AND PLEADED GUILTY TO (A) CONSPIRACY AND (B) MAKING FALSE STATEMENTS.
     
     
    BUT ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY DOES NOT INCLUDE LEAVING CONGRESS ANYTIME SOON.  MARK TOUHEY, BOB NYE'S CRIMINAL ATTORNEY, BECAUSE HE IS NOW A CRIMINAL HAVING PLEADED GUILTY TO NOT JUST ONE, BUT TWO FELONIES, EXPLAINED TO THE JUDGE THAT BOB NEY WAS PREPARED TO RESIGN FROM THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS . . . SOMETIME BEFORE JANUARY, 19 2007.
     
    WELL WHY NOT?  WHY SHOULDN'T A CONVICTED FELON CONTINUE TO SERVE FOR THE REST OF OCTOBER, FOR NOVEMBER, FOR DECEMBER AND SOME OF JANUARY IN THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS?  ISN'T THAT THE REPUBLICAN WAY?
     
    THE MAKE UP OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES NOW READS 434 MEMBERS.  NOT 435 BECAUSE REPUBLICAN MARK FOLEY HAD TO RESIGN IN DISGRACE THE LAST WEEK OF SEPTEMBER OVER HIS EFFORTS TO 'COMMUNICATE WITH JAIL BAIT.'
     
    SO THE MAKE UP IS 434 -- THAT'S 433 MEMBERS SERVING AND 1 MEMBER ABOUT TO BEGIN SERVING TIME IN A FEDERAL PRISON. 
     
    A WHITE HOUSE INSIDER TELLS THESE REPORTERS THAT KARL ROVE IS HARD AT WORK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT TO 'BUMPER STICKER THAT.'
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

    Stay in the know. Pulse on the new Yahoo.com. Check it out.
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    Thursday, October 12, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! IDIOT OF THE WEEK, NON-GOVERNMENTAL DIVISION!

    BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX & MIKEY LIKES IT & THOMAS FRIEDMAN IS A GREAT MAN & THE THIRD ESTATE SUNDAY REVIEW -- DC.

    THIS JUST IN!

    IDIOT OF THE WEEK, NON-GOVERNMENTAL DIVISION!


    And the idiot of the week? Missy Kurzweil! Writing in The Cornell Daily Sun, Kurzweil, a senior, demonstrated that Cornell has serious problems and there's something stinky in the "College of Agriculture and Life Sciences" as well as with the school paper itself. For instance:

    a) Tom Cruise is not "someone who has played Maverick". Tom Cruise wasn't even in the film "Maverick". Mel Gibson played that role.

    b) Kurzweil writes: "If Streisand absolutely must rally for the Democrats or deface President Bush, she should follow the example of Bono, lead singer of U2, who helped organize the Live 8 concert in July of 2005 with the specific (and publicized) purpose of making a political stand." Since Bono refuses to criticize Bully Boy publicly, how can Streisand "follow the example" Bono set and criticize him? And since when is "criticize" and "deface" the same term? Bono's a good little monkey for his organ grinder. Streisand showed some bravery.

    c) When you're writing for a newspaper, you should get your words correct. This isn't a blog, it's a school newspaper. But Kurzweil writes for a paper and writes: "ardent democrat". That's Big-D, Missy, Big-D: "Democrat." Don't they teach politics in the college of Ag?

    d) The idiot writes: "I dislike Bush as much as the next gal, maybe more. But my political views are totally irrelevant, as were Streisand’s on Monday night." Sounds like all of the idiot's "views" are irrelevant. Streisand isn't handing out an order of fries. She's an artist. Art comments on the world around it. We will agree with the idiot; however, when she writes "my own political views are totally irrelevant" -- and so is she.

    e) The idiot also writes: "Kanye West's infamous outburst at the televised Hurricane Katrina relief concert -- 'George Bush doesn't care about black people!' -- was no different. Sure, Kanye has a right to free speech and he certainly exercised it that day. He also got viewers to laugh mockingly at him for months to follow."

    Little Whitey and her friends apparently mocked and laughed at West. Well it's a White-White World for Missy. But maybe the laughter she's hearing is that she's again gotten her facts wrong. She can't even quote West correctly. "Doesn't like," Missy, "doesn't like." Not, "doesn't care." She really tired herself out writing this one.

    Missy Kurzweil: Idiot of the Week -- and not afraid to show it to the world.

    But, good news for the Miss-ter, she can count on a career as a 'liberal pundit' for the mainstream rags -- she's proven she has no respect for facts, no respect for research and, note, she slams the ones who speak out against Bully Boy but never the Bully Boy or those who favor him. Missy Kurzweil, A Pundit Whore in waiting.

    FROM THE TCI WIRE:

    So Ricky Clousing had a court-martial today and did you even hear about it or read about in the media? Did your day start with a heads up to it and a note that there would be a rally today, that he would speak to the press? Where was independent media?

    Clousing? He was on his own. He was at the mercy of the big media which has not demonstrated a great deal of interest in the subject.

    The AP was there. From the AP's "Paratrooper gets three months confinement for going AWOL:"

    A Fort Bragg paratrooper who says he left his military base because he disagreed with the U.S. mission in Iraq was sentenced to three months of confinement after pleading guilty Thursday to going absent without leave.
    Sgt. Ricky Clousing, 24, of Sumner, Wash., also will receive a reduction in rank before getting a bad conduct discharge. His plea allowed him to avoid a more severe sentence for desertion.

    Where was independent media?

    David Miner, Clousing's attorney, is quoted as saying that Ricky Clousing doesn't regret his decision (by the AP). Good for him. He shouldn't. He should be proud of himself, he's demonstrated true bravery. But any war resister who wants to complain about the lack of coverage has every right to do so. Bob Watada is on his second speaking tour and who's interviewing him and who isn't?

    Mark Wilkerson is in a state of limbo, awaiting to hear what charges will be brought against him. He was a one day news cycle and, if he's charged, after his hearing he might get another one-day cycle. It doesn't cut it.


    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
    "Ricky Clousing stands trial today (and will the media cover it?)"
    "Iraq moves further closer to dividing into three separate regions"
    "Q&A (C.I.)"
    "Call on Me"
    "Is the media going to cover Ricky Clousing or not?"
    "Bully Boy adds it up"
    'THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS: "THEY DON'T MATTS!"'
    "Kat & Blogging (Betty)"
    "Thomas Friedman's Bad Ideas & Blurry Boundaries"
    "Ruth's Report"
    "Wayne Madsen and Dr. William Pepper (Ruth)"
    "Brownies and school party tips in the Kitchen"
    "Editorial: Going to where big media is and ignoring war resisters"
    "TV Review: Men in Trees, Water Cooler Critics swinging from them"
    "Thoughts on Mark Foley"
    "Mutha Cokie and the Blind"
    "Are You On CounterSpin's Guest List?"

    Posted by at

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY ACHIEVES!

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    BULLY BOY ACHIEVES!
     
    THE MAN WHO STARTED AN ILLEGAL WAR WITH IRAQ AND WHO STOOD BY DOING NOTHING DURING HURRICANE KATRINA, THE E-COLI SPINACH OUTBREAK, THE MARK FOLEY SCANDAL, ETC. APPEARED DOOMED TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE VACATIONING LEADER OR THE NAPPING ONE.
     
    BUT BULLY BOY HAS ACHIEVED A CREDIT! 
     
     
    AND SOME THOUGH HE HAD NOTHING LEFT TO SURPRISE US WITH.
     
     
    Returning to reality, in Fayetteville, North Carolina, Ricky Clousing's court-martial began and ended (and the world wonders: WHERE THE HELL WAS INDEPENDENT MEDIA?).  April Johnston (Fayetteville Observer) reports that Clousing "pleaded guilty to being absent without leave" and that was the end of the hearing:  "The Army originally charged Clousing with desertion, but allowed him to plead guilty to the lesser charge."  AP reports: "Sgt. Ricky Clousing, 24, of Sumner, Wash., was expected to be sentenced Thursday afternoon.  His attorney, David Miner of Seattle, has said he would argue against sending Clousing to prison."
     
    War resister Ricky Clousing is part of a larger story of resistance within the military as well as the story of one person's brave stand.  In June 2005, he self-checked out of the military after returning from Iraq.  On August 11th of this year,  Mike Barber (Seattle Post-Intelligencer) broke the news that 24-year-old Ricky Clousing had decided to turn himself in and noted that Clousing went AWOL from "Fort Bragg in 2005 after returning from Iraq with the 82nd Airborne Division." Clousing spoke publicly about his decision to return at the Veterans for Peace conference that was being held in Seattle. Clousing turned himself in at Fort Lewis (Washington) and was instructed that Fort Bragg handled the issue. On August 18th, Clousing turned himself to Fort Bragg. September 1st, the military announced, to Clousing's attorney David Miner, that Clousing had been charged with desertion the day before. Again, Miner states he will argue against sending Clousing to prison. 
     
    What if they gave a war and no one showed up?  What if they gave a resistance and indymedia was too busy partying?  (And promoting the party.)  The "coverage" isn't cutting it.
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

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    Wednesday, October 11, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS: "THEY DON'T MATTS!"

     
     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    BULLY BOY SAYS "THEY DON'T KNOW MATTS!"
     
     
    IN THE MIDST OF A MORNING JOG BULLY BOY EXPLODED.
     
     
    "THEY DON'T KNOW MATTS!"
     
     
    "MATTS WHO?  DRUDGE?" WONDERED SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE NERVOUSLY.
     
     
    SHE WAS AFRAID HE COULD TELL HOW MUCH SHE WAS HOLDING BACK IN HER EFFORTS NOT TO MAKE HIM APPEAR SO PUNY.
     
     
    "MATTS!  MATTS!  HOLY SPIT, CONDI, DON'T YOU KNOW NOTHING?  MATTS!"
     
    "I AGREE SIR,"  HUFFED AND PUFFED SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD.  "WE NEED MORE MAPS.  MAPS THAT SHOW  KNOWNS AND UNKNOWNS.  MAPS THAT --"
     
    "SHUT IT, POINDEXTER!" SNAPPED BULLY BOY.  "MATTS!  DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING?"
     
    DONALD RUMSFELD COULD FEEL HIS NOW REGULAR LIGHT MORNING STROKE COMING ON AND CURSED HIMSELF FOR CARING WHETHER OR NOT THAT IDIOT-IN-CHIEF FIRED HIM.   HE KNEW NO JOB WAS WORTH IT.
     
    "BATHS!  I AGREE, SIR!  I DO!  WE COULD ALL USE A NICE LONG BATH!"  BEAMED ATTORNEY GENERAL AND INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-A-LIKE ALBERTO GONZALES.
     
    "WHAT?  YOU MORON!"  SNAPPED BULLY BOY. 
     
    DONALD HAD TO LAUGH, DESPITE THE TINGLING IN HIS LEFT ARM, SERVED ALBERTO RIGHT FOR TRYING TO SNEAK IN ON THE MORNING JOBS WITH A DOCTOR'S NOTE AND A HOVER-ROUND!
     
    "MATTS, YOU IDIOTS!"  YELLED BULLY BOY.  "MATTS!  DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING.  MATTS IS 'PLUSES' AND 'TAKE AWAY'S AND 'TIMES' AND THAT FUNNY THING LIKE A NOSE CAUGHT BETWEEN 2 EYES."
     
    "DIVISION!"  ALBERTO SAID NODDING AGREEABLY.
     
    "GOD, HOW I HATE HIM," THOUGHT TO DONALD RUMSFELD TO HIMSELF.  "LITTLE KISS ASS IN AN ELECTRIC CHAIR WHILE I'M SWEATING AND --"
     
    "DONALD!"  CONDI SCREAMED AS THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE FELL TO THE GROUND.
     
    "RIGHT, 'DA TRILLION.'  DATS WHAT MATTS IS ALL ABOUT AND THIS STUDY SAYING THAT -- HOW MUCH IS IT CONDI?"
     
    "ABOUT 655,000, SIR.  655,000 IRAQIS DEAD AS A RESULT OF THE WAR,"  CONDI SAID WITH RELIEF AS SHE SAW DICK CHENEY'S PERSONAL STAFF RUSH TO THE TRACK WITH A GURNEY.
     
    "RIGHT, LIKE, WHAT IS THAT?  THAT SOUNDS LIKE MORE THAN LIKE A ZIMAMILLION."
     
    "A ZIMAMILLION, SIR?"
     
    BULLY BOY REACHED OVER AND PATTED ALBERTO ON THE BACK. 
     
    "SEE, CONDI, ALBERTO CULVER GETS IT.  6 AND 5 AND 5 AND ZERO AND ZERO AND ZERO IS JUST NOT EVEN LIKE A NUMBER.  IT'S JUST NOT CREDIBLE."
     
     
     
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"

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    Tuesday, October 10, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY WASTES MORE TIME & MONEY

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    BULLY BOY WASTES MORE TIME & MONEY.
     
    FILE UNDER: DESTROYING THE PUBLIC 1 MORE TIME.
     
    NOT CONTENT WITH TURNING A GENERATION INTO SEXUAL INCOMPETENTS AND FUMBLERS, THE BULLY BOY KEEPS TRYING TO DRAG HIS RELIGION INTO SCHOOLS.
     
    WITH A CONFERENCE ENTITLED "CONFERENCE ON SCHOOL SAFETY" SUPPOSEDLY INTENDED TO DISCUSS PUBLIC EDUCATION, BULLY BOY PACKED IT WITH "MANY REPRESENTATIVES FROM RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS".
     
    A WOMAN WHO LOOKED LIKE LAURA BUSH AND WAS DOWNING CANS OF LONE STAR DECLARED, "I URGE ALL ADULTS ACROSS THE COUNTRY TAKE THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO CHILDREN -- THEIR OWN CHILDREN, AND THEIR COMMUNITY'S CHILDREN -- SERIOUSLY."
     
    THE GHOST OF ETTA BARSTOW HOLLERED BACK, "START BY URGING YOUR OWN HUSBAND!"
     
    THE GHOST OF BARTOW WAS REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT BULLY BOY IS ATTEMPTING "TO CUT $347 MILLION IN SCHOOL-SAFETY GRANTS FOR STATES THIS YEAR."
     
    WHILE BULLY BOY ATTEMPTED TO IGNORE THE GHOST, DICK CHENEY BEGAN SCREAMING AT SECRET SERVICE THAT THE LATE MS. BARSTOW'S REMARKS COUNTED AS "AN ASSAULT." 
     
    WHEN A SECRET SERVICE AGENT RESPONDED, "BUT MR. VICE PRESIDENT, THEY ARE ACCURATE."
     
    "THAT'S THE MOST OFFENSIVE THING ABOUT THEM!"  DICK CHENEY EXPLODED.
     
    NEAR THE END OF THE CEREMONIES AWARDS WERE HANDED OUT AND AN ACTIVIST WHO POSED WITH THE BULLY BOY EARLIER WON "MOST INSULTING REMARKS." 
     
    HE EARNED THAT FOR EARLIER DECLARING THAT 'MORALITY' NEEDED TO BE BROUGHT BACK TO THE CLASSROOMS. 
     
    ATTEMPTS TO REACH THE AMISH FOR A RESPONSE TO THE SMEAR WERE UNSUCCESSFUL AT PRESS TIME.
     

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    Monday, October 09, 2006

    THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO WILL BE THE CROSSING GUARD!

     
    THIS JUST IN!
     
    ALBERTO WILL BE THE CROSSING GUARD!
     
     
    ALBERTO WANTED TO PLAY SCHOOL NURSE BUT JAMES BAKER III HAD ALREADY SIGNED UP AND BOUGHT HIS COSTUME.  "YEARS AGO," LAUGHED JIMMY BAKER, "YEARS AGO.  THE HOSE REQUIRES GARTERS."
     
    SO ALBERTO THOUGHT HE'D SIGN UP TO BE THE TEACHER BUT APPARENTLY THE UNWRITTEN CHENEY FAMILY NEPOTISM QUOTA FOR 2007 HAS ALREADY KICKED IN.  "IT FIGURES," SAID ALBIE, THE INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-A-LIKE CHAMP, "THEY'D GEAR IT TO THE FISCAL YEAR AND NOT THE CALANDER YEAR."
     
     
    SO ALBERTO ASKED DICK CHENEY WAS HE WAS PLANNING ON BEING?
     
    HOLDING A 3 FOOT WIDE, WOODEN PANEL IN ONE HAND AND STROKING IT WITH THE OTHER, DICK CHENEY SAID, "OH, I'M GOING TO BE THE COACH.  I'M GOING TO WHIP THAT YOUNG 'UN INTO LINE."
     
     
    IN DESPERATION, ALBERTO GONZALES OFFERED TO BE BULLY BOY'S "BUDDY" BUT CONDI SAID, "BACK OFF, B***CH.  I'LL BE OPENING HIS JUICE BOXES AND HOLDING HIS HAND.  THREE'S A CROWD UNLESS YOU'RE FREAKY.  YOU LIKE TO FREAK?"
     
     
    SO ALBERTO DECIDED FINALLY JUST TO BE THE CROSSING GUARD.  TO CHEER HIM UP, DICK CHENEY OFFERED TO LET HIM SET UP THE SKEET TARGETS FOR GYM CLASS.
     
     
    "YOU'RE NOT A BLEEDER, ARE YOU?"  DICK ASKED.
     
     
     
    Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"

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