BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
DICK CHENEY SPILLS ALL.!
MUSIC GANGSTA AND FAILED OSCAR NOMINEE DICK CHENEY SAID NO MORE MOVIES FOR HIM.
"I'M DONE WITH THAT," SAID THE VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY. "BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME. NOT EVEN THE SHOOTING SCENES."
WHEN ASKED OF THE LOVE SCENES, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY GLOWERED BEFORE DISMISSING THE TOPIC.
"THAT'S ALL BEHIND ME," CHENEY SAID WITH A FLASH OF BLING-BLING. "I'M A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER NOW."
NOTING THAT THERE HAD BEEN "TOO MUCH DR. PHIL" AND "NOT ENOUGH OPRAH IN MY BAG," VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY SAYS HE WANTS TO WORK ON BECOMING "THE MASTER OF ALL MEDIA."
WHEN REMINDED OF A POPULAR DC JOKE ("IF CHENEY EMERGES FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION ON FEBRUARY 2ND AND SEES HIS SHADOW THERE WILL BE 6 MORE WEEKS OF WINTER"), THE VICE PRESIDENT DISMISSED ALL THAT AS "SO YESTERDAY, SO DAVE CHAPPELLE."
INSTEAD, DICK CHENEY WANTS TO "SPREAD LOVE AND JOY" HE OFFERED IN A LOW GROWL.
REFERENCING HIS SPEECH AT SCOATT AIR FORCE BASE THE DAY BEFORE, THE VICE PRESIDENT SAID THAT WAS THE SORT OF ROLE HE SAW HIMSELF IN.
ADDRESSING THE CROWD, DICK CHENEY INFORMED THEM, "THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO QUIT. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION."
"I BRING JOY, I CREATE REALITY," EXPLAINED THE VICE PRESIDENT.
WHEN ASKED IF HE MEANT A WORD HE SAID, THE VICE PRESIDENT SEMI-BEATIFIC MANNER MOMENTARILY SLID. FORCING A SMILE, CHENEY STATED THAT THE KEY TO THE MOTIVATIONAL CIRCUIT IS "NEVER SHARING ANYTHING YOU BELIEVE IN, NEVER UTTERING A TRUTH."
WITH THAT THE INTERVIEW CONCLUDED AS SCOOTS LIBBY ENTERED THE DRESSING ROOM CARRYING THE WHITE FUR CAPE THE VICE PRESIDENT QUICKLY DONNED. BLOWING KISSES AT A FEW STARTLED PASSER BYS, CHENEY CLIMBED INTO A LIMO WHICH PULLED AWAY TO THE STRAIN OF "DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY."
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