Friday, August 11, 2006

PUNCH LINE PLEASE MICHAEL CHERTOFF

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX -  THE WACKY USA
 
A TWO PART JOKE.  PART ONE: THIS JUST IN! WHEN POLLS ARE BAD SCREAM "TERROR!"
 
TODAY? 
 
PUNCH LINE PLEASE:
 
 
Currently, we do not have evidence that there was, as part of this plot, any plan to initiate activity inside the United States or that the plotting was done in the United States
-- Michael Chertoff, who looks a great deal like the chihuahua dog in the "You quiero Taco Bell" commercials
 
AFTER ALARMING AMERICA.
 
 
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"


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Thursday, August 10, 2006

THIS JUST IN! WHEN POLLS ARE BAD SCREAM "TERROR!"

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN! 
 
WHEN POLLS ARE BAD SCREAM "TERROR!"
 
FOLLOWING THE PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY ON THE SO-CALLED TERRORISM THREAT, TONY SNOW, WHITE HOUSE FLACK AND PONY, SAT DOWN WITH THE BULLY BOY PRESS. 
 
WAS WHITE HOUSE PONY SNOW WORRIED ABOUT HIS OWN REPUTATION WHEN IT TURNED OUT THIS WAS ANOTHER 'SCARE THE PEOPLE' MOMENTS THAT THE BULLY BOY ADMINISTRATION HAS SO OFTEN RESTORTED TO?
 
"HELL NO," SAID TONY SNOW, MUNCHING ON SOME GRAINS WITH HIS MORNING COFFEE.  "YOU HEARD ME.  I SAID BELIEVE."
 
BELIEVE?
 
 
SO WHEN IT BLOWS UP HE CAN SAY HE ONLY SAID "BELIEVE."
 
BELIEVE:
 
*PLOT INVOLVED FLIGHTS FROM U.K. TO U.S.
*DIRECT THREAT
 
BELIEVE.
 
AS TONY SNOW SNORTED, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT THAT ALL THE PRESS IS RUNNING STORIES PRESENTING ALLEGATIONS AS TRUTHS.
 
TURNING TO LIGHTER TOPICS, THE WHITE HOUSE PONY SAID, "JOE LIEBERMAN." 
 
AFTER BREAKING THE ICE WITH THAT JOKE, TONY SNOW EXPLAINED THAT KARL ROVE DID NOT JUST CALL JOE LIEBERMAN ON ELECTION DAY, HE'S ADVISING HIM.
 
LEADING THE WHITE HOUSE PONY BACK TO HIS STALL, THIS REPORTER THEN WATCHED A FEW MINUTES OF CNN WITH HIM WHERE JOE LIEBERMAN SHOWED YET HOW AGAIN THAT HE PUTS THE "NARC" IN "SNARK" AS HE TRASHED PEACE ACTIVISTS, OTHER CANDIDATES AND ANY 1 NOT WILLING TO BE KISSED BY THE BULLY BOY.
 
LISTING OFF HIS WORRIES, JOE LIEBERMAN FORGOT HIS BIGGEST WORRY:  THAT JOE LIEBERMAN'S LOVE FOR JOE LIEBERMAN IS AS STRONG AS AMERICA'S HATE FOR JOE LIEBERMAN.
 
 
 


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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

THIS JUST IN! IT'S STILL ALL ABOUT JOE!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIX MIX - HARTFORD, CONN.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
IT'S STILL ALL ABOUT JOE!
 
DESPITE RECEIVING AN ASS KICKING OF TREMENDOUS PROPORTIONS,
JOE LIEBERMAN IS BOUND AND DETERMINED TO GET HIS MESSAGE OUT APPARANTLY NOT GRASPING THAT VOTERS HEARD HIS MESSAGE -- THEY JUST DIDN'T LIKE IT OR HIM.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
AS HE MADE THE PRESS ROUNDS TODAY, JOE LIEBERMAN WAS PRONE TO SELF-AGGRANDIZING PRONOUNCEMENTS SUCH AS THIS ONE: "FOR THE SAKE OF OUR STATE, OUR COUNTRY AND MY PARTY, I CANNOT AND WILL NOT LET THAT RESULT STAND."
 
LOOKING AT THE RESULTS OF LAST NIGHT'S CONNECTICUT PRIMARY WHERE NED LAMONT BENT JOE LIEBERMAN OVER HIS KNEE, PULLED DOWN LIEBERMAN'S PANTS, AND TOOK A BELT TO SOME NO-MENTUM BUTT, JOE LIEBERMAN DECIDES IT'S BETTER TO PRETEND LIKE HE JUST DIDN'T GET SPANKED IN FRONT OF THE WORLD. 
 
SO HE LOST THE PARTY NOMINATION.  SO WHAT?  HE CAN AND WILL RUN AS AN INDEPENDENT.
 
THAT'S THE ANSWER, HE THINKS.  IN FACT, HE'S ALREADY FIGURED OUT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH HIS "MESSAGE" AND TAKEN CARE OF IT:  HE'S FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER, HIS CAMPAIGN SPOKESPERSON "AND ASKED FOR THE REGISNATIONS" OF HIS ENTIRE CAMPAIGN STAFF.
 
IT'S EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT.
 
NOT JOE LIEBERMAN!  EVERYONE ELSE.
 
WHEN THERE'S FAILURE, IT'S EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT.
 
WHEN THERE'S GLORY (OR KISSES FROM THE BULLY BOY) TO BE GRABBED, IT'S ALL ABOUT JOE.
 
 
 
 
Recoommended: "Iraq Snapshot"


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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

JOE LIEBERMAN SUDDENLY CARES ABOUT THE DISENFRANCHISED!

BULLY BOY PRESS - CONN.

THIS JUST IN!

JOE LIEBERMAN SUDDENLY CARES ABOUT THE DISENFRANCHISED!


AFTER HAVING NOTHING TO SAY IN 2000 ABOUT THE AFRICAN-AMERICANS WHO WERE DISENFRANCHISED IN FLORIDA, JOE LIEBERMAN FINALLY WANTS TO TALK.

SEAN SMITH, JOE LIEBERMAN'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER, ADDRESSED REPORTERS WEARING HIS KARL ROVE FINEST AND DECLARED "VOTERS CANNOT GO TO OUR WEB SITE. THEY CANNOT ACCESS INFORMATION. IT IS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO DISENFRANCHISE VOTERS."

NO, SEAN SMITH AND JOE LIEBERMAN, ACCESS TO A POLITICAL WEBSITE IS NOT "DISENFRANCHISEMENT."

WHEN QUESTIONED BY THIS REPORTER (WHO WAS ON THE GROUND IN FLORIDA DURING THE 2000 ELECTION AND RECOUNTS) SEAN SMITH GREW TESTY.

SMITH APPEARS TO BELIEVE THAT VOTERS IN IN CONNECTICUT ARE AS INDECISIVE AND UNINFORMED AS JOE LIEBERMAN -- WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN LIEBERMAN AND SMITH'S ALARM THAT CAMPAIGN MATERIAL (ON A MAN WHO HAS HELD THE SENATE SEAT SINCE 1988) WAS NOT AVAILABLE SO VOTERS WERE "DISENFRANCHISED".

A PORTLY MAN WHO SWORE HE WAS NOT KARL ROVE -- THOUGH HE LOOKED LIKE KARL ROVE AND EVERYONE CALLED HIM "KARL ROVE" -- STOOD NODDING HIS HEAD AND STROKING HIS BELLY SAYING, "I TAUGHT THAT BOY GOOD" AS HE NODDED AT JOE LIEBERMAN.

THE PORTLY MAN CONGRATULATED SEAN SMITH AND JOE LIEBERMAN ON THEIR LAST MINUTE DIRTY TRICK/PRESS SMEAR.



Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
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"Cynthia McKinney & other things (including Iraq)"
"Cindy Sheehan and Camp Casey"
"In the wall to wall coverage of Israel, Iraq falls off the map again"
"Like Breslin said, "In Case We All Forgot, Americans Are Still Dying In Iraq""
"I love KPFA but I can't take any more of this "THE ONLY STORY IS ISRAEL!""
"Jess's Summer Vegetable Blend in the Kitchen"

Monday, August 07, 2006

TROOPS CAN'T LEAVE IRAQ BUT BULLY BOY CAN RUN FROM CRAWFORD!

BULLY BOY PRESS - CRAWFORD, TX.

THIS JUST IN!

TROOPS CAN'T LEAVE IRAQ BUT BULLY BOY CAN RUN FROM CRAWFORD!

WHILE MAINTAINING THE U.S. SOLDIERS SHOULD CONTINUE TO BE WALKING TARGETS IN IRAQ WITH NONSENSE THAT TO WITHDRAW U.S. TROOPS WOULD BE "CUTTING AND RUNNING," BULLY BOY DID A LITTLE CUTTING AND RUNNING OF HIS OWN.

PICTURED BELOW IN A PHOTO OF HIS MORNING JOG, BULLY BOY'S SIMPLE JOG TURNED INTO A MAD DASH WHEN HE THOUGHT HE SAW CINDY SHEEHAN IN THE DISTANCE.








EVEN THE BELLY SHIRT HE WORE DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM SWEATING LIKE A PIG WHEN HE THOUGHT CINDY SHEEHAN MIGHT BE AROUND.

SO IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING THAT THE CHICKEN PRINCE WHO MADE OUT LIKE BUNNY-FU-FU SCAMPERING AROUND THE NATION ON 9-11 IS PLANNING ON LEAVING CRAWFORD AUGUST 10.

WHILE BULLY ON THE RUN CAN'T FACE THE WOMAN WHO LOST HER SON IN HIS ILLEGAL WAR, HE EXPECTS U.S. TROOPS TO CONTINUE SERVING AS WALKING TARGETS BECAUSE, AS HE PUT IT, "I CAN'T TALK! I CAN'T TALK! I KNOW THAT SHEEHAN WOMAN IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE! HELP ME HIDE! HELP ME HIDE!"







Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
"And the war drags on"
"NYT: Continuing render Abeer Qasim Hamza invisible"
"Other Items"
"NYT: Dexy puts on his black gymnastic tights and plays Big Sis"
"Isaiah's The World Today Just Nuts 'Bully Boy on the Run'"
"NYT: Rendering Abeer Qasim Hamza invisible again"
"Jess' Summer Vegetable Blend in the Kitchen"
"Friday night"
"Law and Disorder on tasers, Iraq"
"Bully Boy on the run but the press is too busy playing Red Cross"
"Law and Disorder, Three Cool Old Guys, Iraq"
"Quick Saturday post"


Friday, August 04, 2006

THIS JUST IN! STILL BULLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
STILL BULLY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!
 
THE HIDEOUS AND VILE LEADER OF CUBA HAS A PLAN TO DESTABILIZE THE UNITED STATES.
 
WOOPS!
 
IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
 
BULLY BOY AND HIS MIDWIFE CALEB CHARLES MCCARRY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THEN BUTT IN TO CUBA'S BUSINESS AND TO DO IT WITH YOUR TAX DOLLARS!
 
CALEB, WHO LOOKS LIKE HE BUYS HIS SUITS OFF THE RACK AT SEARS, HAS A POINTED HEAD, A BEARD IN NEED OF GROOMING AND AN APPARENTLY CONSTANT BLUSH TO HIS FACE THAT IS NATURAL BUT MAKES IT APPEAR HE'S BEEN SNEAKING SIPS OF MD 20/20 SINCE ABOUT 9:10 A.M. -- RIGHT AFTER HE DRANK UP THE LAST OF THE KENTUCKY DELUXE.
 
MEANWHILE CONDI RICE, FRESH FROM HER LAST MUSIC GIG, WILL TRY TO PLAY OPRAH AND OFFER CALMING WORDS TO . . . CUBANS WHO ARE WORRIED ABOUT THE STATE OF THEIR COUNTRY . . . FOR OBVIOUS REASONS!
 
 


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Thursday, August 03, 2006

CINDY SHEEHAN AND FEELING FAT KEEP BULLY BOY FROM ENJOYING AUGUST!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
CINDY SHEEHAN AND FEELING FAT KEEP BULLY BOY FROM ENJOYING AUGUST!
 
IN ONE FOR THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS, BULLY BOY IS SET
 
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS FLOATS RUMORS THAT BULLY BOY IS CONCERNED WITH WHAT ARE SEEN AS DIFFICULT ELECTION PROSPECTS IN NOVEMBER; HOWEVER, THE BULLY BOY HAS NEVER BEEN NOTED FOR CONCERN FOR OTHERS -- AS DEMONSTRATED BY HIS MOCKING OF DEATH ROW INMATE AND BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN  KARLA FAYE TUCKER.
 
NOR IS THE CURRENT SITUATION IN THE MIDDLE EAST KEEPING BULLY BOY FROM HIS RANCHETTE IN CRAWFORD SINCE HIS OBVIOUS LACK OF CONCERN AND COMPASSION HAS BEEN WELL ESTABLISHED.
 
WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO, IN THE END, ARE 2 CHIEF REASONS.
 
 
Some would argue Bully Boy ran from the National Guard -- some might agree he's running from Cindy Sheehan.  The AP reports that Bully Boy, the vacationing leader, will have far less than his usual weeks and weeks of summer vacation, and has instead reduced it to "nine days" based at his ranchette in Crawford.  Bully Boy plans to return to DC August 13th. Camp Casey, on land Sheehan now owns in Crawford, will open on August 6th this month.  Camp Casey will be open from August 6th through Septemeber 2nd. 
 
BUT THE CHIEF STICKING POINT REMAINS THOSE PACKED ON 5 POUNDS. AS FIRST REPORTED HERE IN A MAY 31ST BULLY BOY PRESS EXCLUSIVE, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES WAS AVOIDING A FACE TO FACE WITH IRAN DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE HAD ONLY LOST 6 OF THE 10 POUNDS HE NEEDED TO DROP.  NOT ONLY HAS BULLY BOY NOT BEEN ABLE TO LOSE THOSE 4 POUNDS BUT HE HAS ADDED A POUND. 
 
IT HAS GOTTEN SO BAD THAT A FORMER WHITE HOUSE OFFICIAL, NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, ADMITS THAT BULLY BOY HAS GIVEN UP ON HIS DREAM OF SPORTING A TWO-PIECE, POLKA--DOT BIKINI.  TRYING ON THE VERTICAL STRIPE PATTERN SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE HAD BEEN PUSHING LED TO THE BULLY BOY BURSTING INTO TEARS, FLOPPING ONTO THE BED, PUNCHING HIS PILLOW AND SCREAMING, "NO! NO! NO!"
 
AS A RESULT OF HAVING CINDY SHEEHAN FOR A NEIGHBOR AND AS A RESULT OF BEING UNABLE TO GET SWIMSUIT READY THIS SUMMER, BULLY BOY IS POUTING AND NOT EVEN VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY'S JOKES THAT THEY CAN BOMB THE HOSPITAL FIDEL CASTRO IS BEING TREATED IN HAVE RESULTED IN SO MUCH AS A SMILE.
 
 
Recommended: "Iraq snapshot"
 
 Guinness Book of World Records


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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

THIS JUST IN! SHE SNAPS! PRESS HOWLS!

 BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
SHE SNAPS! PRESS HOWLS!
 
CONTINUING THE MEAN GIRL STREAK, BULLY BOY WAS AS SAUCY AS GUEST NUMBER TWO ON CONAN TODAY WHILE INTERACTING WITH THE LAP DOGS OF AMERICA (PRESS).
 
"YOU WANT TO DOUBLE THE SIZE?"  BULLY BOY TAUNTED (PROBABLY SOBBING INSIDE AS HE THOUGHT OF THOSE 5 POUNDS HE STILL CAN'T DROP -- NEVER DID GET BIKINI SEASON READY).
 
"FORGET IT!"  CRIED AMERICA'S CHIEF HEATHER.
 
LOST IN THE LAUGHER AND MUTUAL BUTT SMOOCHES WAS THE FACT THAT THE JAMES S. BRADY PRESS BRIEFING ROOM WAS BEING RETIRED BY BULLY BOY.
 
 
JAMES BRADY WAS INJURED BY JOHN HINCKLEY WHEN HE TRIED TO KILL THEN PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN.
 
. . . GEORGE H.W. BUSH WAS VICE-PRESIDENT.
 
AS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS REPORTED THEN: "THE FAMILY OF THE MAN CHARGED WITH TRYING TO ASSASSINATE PRESIDENT REAGAN IS ACQUAINTED WITH THE FAMILY OF VICE PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH AND HAD MADE LARGE CONTRIBUTIONS TO HIS POLITICAL CAMPAIGN, THE HOUSTON POST REPORTED TODAY."
 
AS ARTHUR WIESE AND MARGARET DOWNING REPORTED THEN FOR THE HOUSTON POST: "NEIL BUSH SAID MONDAY THAT HE HAD MET SCOTT ONCE AND THAT THE BUSH FAMILY KNEW THE HINCKLEY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THE LARGE POLITICAL CONTRIBUTIONS THEY MADE TO THE VICE PRESIDENT'S CAMPAIGNS.  . . .  IN 1978, NEIL BUSH SERVED AS CAMPAIGN MANAGER FOR HIS BROTHER, GEORGE W. BUSH, THE OLDEST SON OF THE VICE PRESIDENT.  NEIL BUSH LIVED IN LUBBOCK THROUGHOUT MOST OF 1978, WHICH IS WHERE JOHN HINCKLEY JR. LIVED FROM 1974 THROUGH 1980."
 
 
NOW THE JAMES S. BRADY PRESS ROOM IS NO MORE. 
 
 


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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ALL HAIL THE SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE READING LEADER!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
ALL HAIL THE SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE READING LEADER!
 
BULLY BOY HAD HIS PHYSICAL AND CAME OUT SOUNDING LIKE ANY OTHER YOUNG TEENAGE GIRL FLIPPING THROUGH THE PAGES OF SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE, LOOKING FOR DIET TIPS AND ENJOYING "ROCK YOUR BODY" AND "STYLE COUNCIL."
 
IGNORING THE GOOD NEWS, BULLY BOY COULD ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING: "THOSE EXTRA FIVE POUNDS!"
 
"PROBABLY ATE TOO MANY BIRTHDAY CAKES," HE MUTTERED CHECKING HIMSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR.
 
IN ATTEMPT AT DAMAGE CONTROL, WHITE HOUSE MOUTH PIECE TONY SNOW WAS RUSHED OUT TO DO A SONG AND DANCE BUT ENDED UP SOUNDING LIKE BULLWINKLE PRAISING FEARLESS LEADER: "HE'S STILL HEALTHIER THAN WE ARE."
 
POSSIBLY, BUT HE'S STILL A PUDGY GIRL.  BULLY BOY WAS LAST HEARD BEGGING DAUGHTERS JENNA AND BARBARA TO TAKE HIM TO SEE JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE, SAYING "IT LOOKS SO, SO GOOD!!!!  I LOVED MEAN GIRLS AND THIS LIKE HAS THE SAME KIND OF VIBE!!!!"
 
 
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"
 
 


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THIS JUST IN! BURNS BURNS FIREFIGHERS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BURNS BURNS FIREFIGHTERS!
 
REPUBLICAN SENATOR CONRAD BURNS TALKED THE BIG TALK IN THE PAST. 
 
ON DECEMBER 30, 2004, BURNS WAS OF THE OPINION THAT:
 
Fighting fires in not an easy job, and the men and women who are out there battling these blazes deserve the best training and equipment possible to make sure they can get the job done safely.
 
CONNIE BURNS TALKS A BIG TALK.  BUT IN REALITY?
 
 
NO, TO REAM THEM OUT.  TO TELL THEM THEY WERE DOING A "POOR JOB." THEN CONNIE EXPRESSED SURPRISE WHEN HE LEARNED THAT THE FIREFIGHTERS ONLY MADE BETWEEN 8-12 DOLLARS AN HOUR
 
ISN'T IT CONNIE'S JOB TO KNOW THAT? 
 
GUESS HANGING WITH JACK ABRAMOFF DOESN'T LEAVE A LOT OF TIME FOR MEETING THE 'LITTLE PEOPLE.'
 
 
CONNIE SEEMS CONFUSED A LOT.  THOSE WANTING SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE SOLID SHOULD CHECK OUT JON TESTER.
 
THOSE HAPPY WITH EMPTY TALK MUST BE PLEASED AS PUNCH WITH REPUBLICAN CONNIE.  AS THE MONTANA DEMOCRATIC PARTY POINTED OUT IN JUNE:
 
 
 
. . . But Burns Voted Yesterday Against Providing Discounted Telecommunications Services For First Responders.

Burns Voted Against Providing Discounted Telecommunications Services For First Responders. On June 27, 2006, in the Senate Commerce, Science and Technology Committee, Burns voted against an amendment to the telecommunications bill (H.R. 5252) that would provide first responders with discounted telecommunications services for increasing interoperability. The amendment failed on a party-line vote, 10-12. [H.R. 5252, Senate Commerce Committee; CQ, 6/27/06]

No Surprise, Since Burns Has Voted Against First Responders At Least 16 Times . . .

Burns Opposed $487 Million For State And Local First-Responder Grant Programs. In July 2005, Burns opposed an amendment that would add $487 million for state and local first-responder grant programs. [HR2360, 7/13/05, #178]

Burns Opposed $16 Billion For First-Responder And Transportation Security. In July 2005, Burns opposed an amendment that would increase funding for emergency first-responders and transit, rail, truck and port security programs by approximately $16 billion. [HR 2360, 7/13/05, #177]

Burns Voted Against Funding for First Responders. In March 2005, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase fiscal 2006 funding for the Community and Regional Development account by $715 million and for the Administration of Justice account by $140 million. It would stipulate that the funding be used for first responder programs, port security grants and border patrol agents. It would be offset by a cut in the Allowances account. [S Con Res 18, 3/17/05, #64]

Burns Voted Against Funding for First Responders. In March 2005, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase funding for first responder programs by $1.6 billion in fiscal 2006 and reduce the federal debt by $1.6 billion. It would be offset by a $3.2 billion reduction in tax reconciliation provisions. [S Con Res 18, 3/15/05, #50]

Burns Voted Against Firefighter Assistance Grants. In September 2004, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase funding for firefighter assistance grants by $150 million. [HR 4567, 9/14/04, #175]

Burns Opposed $15.8 Billion for First Responders. In September 2004, Burns voted against increasing funding for police, firefighters and other state and local emergency personnel by $15.8 billion. [HR 4567, 9/9/04, #170]
 
 
 

 


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Saturday, July 29, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ERIC ALTERMAN GETS A REWRITE!

 
THIS JUST IN!
 
ERIC ALTERMAN GETS A REWRITE!
 
THIS WEEK PROFESSIONAL FOP AND ETERNAL JOKE ERIC ALTERMAN TOOK TIME OUT FROM ARGUING WITH SLATE LONG ENOUGH TO DASH OFF AN E-MAIL PROVING WHAT A "MANLY MAN" HE IS.
 
AS WITH MOST ATTEMPTS BY ERIC ALTERMAN TO PROVE HIS "MANHOOD" THIS ONE CAME UP SHORT.
 
WHAT IT DID ACCOMPLISH WAS ALLOW HIM TO YET AGAIN GIVE A WAR WEARY COUNTRY MUCH LAUGHTER. 
 
 
SHAKES THE CLOWN ALTERMAN WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN AS HE RUSHED TO CLAIM CREDIT (SINGLE-HANDEDLY HE ALL BUT GUSHED -- ERIC WHERE WAS THAT OTHER HAND!  WAIT -- DON'T TELL US!) FOR A CORRECTION IN THE ECONOMIST AND FALSELY CLAIMED TO HAVE DEFENDED "SUSAN [SONTAG] UP AND DOWN" WHILE APPARENTLY FORGETTING PAGE 201 OF HIS OWN LOUSY BOOK WHERE HE CALLED THE ESSAY SUSAN SONTAG WAS TRASHED FOR WRITING QUOTE: "OBJECTIONABLE." 
 
"OBJECTIONABLE"?  FOR GOD'S SAKE, ERIC ALTERMAN, WEREN'T YOU FRIENDS WITH HER?
 
IN HONOR OF FRIENDS WHO TURN OUT NOT TO BE REAL FRIENDS,
WORD IS THAT A FAMOUS TUNE WRITTEN BY CAROLE KING AND RECORDED BY ARTISTS INCLUDING ROBERTA FLACK & DONNY HATHAWAY, AS WELL AS JAMES TAYLOR, HAS BEEN REWRITTEN IN ALTERMAN'S HONOR.
 
IN A BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX EXCLUSIVE, WE PROVIDE YOU WITH THE ALTERMAN-ED LYRICS TO THE NEWLY DUBBED "YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN."
 
 
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND TROUBLED
AND YOU NEED SOME LOVING CARE
I WILL, I WILL TAKE DELIGHT
CLOSE YOUR EYES ON THE FIRING SQUAD
AND SOON I WILL BE THERE
TO DARKEN UP EVEN YOUR BRIGHTEST NIGHTS
YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME
I MAY PLAY THE SILENT GAME
OR I MAY START BURNING
BURNING YOU AGAIN
WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER AND ALL
I LOVE TO SEE YOU FALL
YES, I'LL BE THERE, YES I WILL
YOU'VE GOT NO FRIEND
YEAH, YOU'VE GOT NO FRIEND
YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN
YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN
 
 
THE TRACK WAS DUE TO BE RELEASED TUESDAY; HOWEVER, IT FEATURES A GUEST RAP THAT NO ONE CAN DECIPHER THAT FEATURES LOUD EXPLOSIVE SOUNDS -- APPARENTLY THE GUEST RAPPER WAS LISPING AND THE EXPLOSIONS COME FROM SPIT HITTING THE MICROPHONE. 
 
THE ARTISTS ARE CURRENTLY IN TALKS WITH THE LABEL TO GET A REAL RAPPER TO RECORD A NEW RAP FOR THE SURE TO BE NUMBER ONE SINGLE.
 
 
Chaos and violence continue.  And, as Peter Spiegel and Julian E. Barnes (Los Angeles Times) observe: "Bush's decision to increase the number of U.S. troops in violence-racked Baghdad has forced commanders to extend the tours of 3,500 soldiers and appears to eliminate prospects for significant withdrawals of American forces this year."
 
And as the US administration prepares to extend the tours of duty of 3,5000 soldiers (who were due to leave Iraq), Hassan Abdul Zahra (AFP) reports that Abdel Azia Hakim (Shi'ite leader; head of Supreme Council of the Islamic Revolution in Iraq) declared in a speech today that the security of Iraq should be left to Iraqis. Zahra also quotes Mahmud Mahdi al-Sumaidaie (iman and Sunni Muslim Scholars Association member) saying: "The US occupiers are responsible for what is going on with the violence and destruction -- they are the ones controlling the security file."  This as John Tully (Colonel, commander of the 4th Infantry Division's 2nd Brigade) informs reporters that in the Shi'ite section "south of Baghdad" attacks on US troops have incresed "by about 25 percent".
 
In another sign of how bad things are on the ground in Iraq, new "security" measures are being taken by individuals.  At the start of this month, Terry McCarthy (ABC -- America) reported on how fake identification sells for the US equivalent of ten and fifteen dollars and many Iraqis are puchasing them to reduce risk to their lives at checkpoints and noted: "Now many Iraqis carry two IDs in their pockets and will produce one or the other, depending on who is asking for it."   Now Antonio Castaneda (AP) reports a swap greater than IDs: "Fearing sectarian death squads, Iraqis are trading homes with trusted friends from the other sect, surrounding themselves with those who share their faith but creating segregated neighborhoods increasingly wary of one other."  Castaneda is reporting from Nasser Wa Salaam but notes the problem is not confined to that one location.
 
 
 
Bombings?
 
AFP reports  the bombing of a Shia shrine "to Imam Askar between the towns of Balad Ruz and Mandalay".  This as Reuters notes four are dead in Baghdad from a mortar attack on a Sunni mosque while a roadside bom wounded two police officers in Baquba.  AP notes that the Sunni mosque bombing in Baghdad has left nine wounded.  
 
 
And KUNA reports: "Iraqi police source added an improvised bomb exploded in one of the patrolling police vehicles on the main street of Kirkuk, while a similar attack targeted Multi-National Force (MNF) vehicle on the way to Kirkuk."
 
If the police source is correct, that's a new development -- bombs planted in cars of unsuspecting drivers. 
 
Shootings?
 
In Kirkuk, KUNA reports the shooting death of an Iraqi soldier.  In addition to that shooting, AFP also notes the Kirkuk shooting deaths ofa police officer "and a bystander"; two shot dead in Tikrit; and "a train station official" shot in Baiji. 
 
In addition, KUNA notes that "a security personnel from the Al-Qadisya area close to Kirkuk power statiion" was kidnapped.
 
 
In Australia, the inquiry into the April 21st death of Jake Kovco in Baghdad continues.  Australia's ABC reports that "a Lance Corporal" has informed the inquriy that Kovco was "reprimanded twice for misuing his pistol during his deployment in Iraq."  Whether or not the witness can affirm to two times should be in doubt because the second incident finds the "Lance Corporal" saying he's 'aware' of it as opposed to knowing it or witnessing.  At any rate, the "Lance Corporal" has offered that Jake Kovco was reprimanded for "pointing his pistol at the torso of another soldier" which would probably be pertinent if Jake Kovco were accues of killing one of his roommates. As
"Lance Corporal" (or "Soldier Four") makes the news with his statements, Tracy Ong (News.com) covers what everyone else seems to have missed:  "But other statements tendered yesterday were at odds with Soldier 4's recollection, many saying they had never seen Kovco playing 'quick draw' -- pulling a pistol out of its holster as quickly as possible -- or mishandling his weapons. One corporal from 3RAR said he had never had to 'pull Private Kovco up on his weapon handling'." 
 
On April 29th, Damien Murphy, Phillip Coorey, Ed O'Loughlin, Tom Allard and Cynthia Banaham (Sydney Morning Herald) reported: "Private Jacob Kovco grew up with guns. They were part of everyday life in his small home town of Briagolong in the Victorian high country. Come April each year, the four-wheel-drive vehicles from Melbourne would roar through the hamlet late on a Friday night on their way to bush camps in the nearby foothills for the start of the deer hunting season."
 
In peace news, Honolulu's KITV reports that a demonstration of support was held last night at Kalani High School for Ehren Watada -- the first commissioned military officer known to refuse deployment to Iraq. Showing their support for Watada (who faces an Article 32 hearing August 17th to determine whether or not a court martial is in order) were the Japanese American Citizen's League of Hawaii, the American Friends Service Committee "and others at the Nagasaki Peace Bell near City Hall" --
including: "Hawaii People's Fund, Code Pink Hawaii, Progressive Democrats of Hawaii, Veterans for Peace, World Can't Wait and Not in Our Name."  Gregg K. Kakesako (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) reports that "Watada has again offer to resign his commisson from the Army and is willing to accept any type of administrative punishment in place of court martial" including "a reprimand, fine and reduction in rank".  Watada's attorney, Eric Seitz, tells Kakesako that this is the third time the offer has been made (it was refused twice prior).  Courage to Resist and ThankYouLt.org are calling for a "National Day of Education" August 16th, the day before Ehren Watada is due to "face a pre-trial hearing for refusing to deploy to Iraq." ThankYouLt.Org notes: "On August 16, the day prior to the hearing, The Friends and Family of Lt. Ehren Watada are calling for a 'National Day of Education' to pose the question, 'Is the war illegal?' This day can also serve to anchor a 'week of outreach' leading up to the pre-trial hearing."
 
In The Fifth Book of Peace, Maxine Hong Kingston writes: "During war, mothers dream this dream: she -- mother -- is winged, and flies, swooping down upon the son, the brother, soldier, criminal in danger, and picks him up by the straps of his overalls or by his belt, or catches him up in her arms, and flies him high and away.  Unable to fly, she would go to the war in her son's place.  She would go ahead of him, walk point herself."
 
With news of the September events in DC, David Swanson (American Chronicle) reports that Camp Democracy sets up September 5th with many activities and, among many worthy goals, the intent to build "toward the International Day of Peace on September 21".  Swanson notes that Cindy Sheehan "will come to Camp Democracy following Camp Casey (Aug. 16 - Sept. 2 in Crawford Texas)". 
 
Sheehan is currently participating in CODEPINK's Troops Home Fast.  It is day 25 of the Troops Home Fast action with over 4,350 people fasting to the end the war all over the world.  The AP reports that Diane Wilson has thus far lost "20 pounds from her 170-pound frame" while taking part in the fast. Of fasting, Wilson states: "Ghandi always called it 'soul power' because it's got a real spiritual component to it."
 
 


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Thursday, July 27, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BURNS BURNS FIREFIGHERS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BURNS BURNS FIREFIGHTERS!

REPUBLICAN SENATOR CONRAD BURNS TALKED THE BIG TALK IN THE PAST.

ON DECEMBER 30, 2004, BURNS WAS OF THE OPINION THAT:

Fighting fires in not an easy job, and the men and women who are out there battling these blazes deserve the best training and equipment possible to make sure they can get the job done safely.

CONNIE BURNS TALKS A BIG TALK. BUT IN REALITY?

SUNDAY, SPOTTING FIREFIGHTERS IN A MONTANA AIRPORT, CONNIE BURNS SLID OVER. TO SAY "HEY"? TO SAY "THANK YOU"?

NO, TO REAM THEM OUT. TO TELL THEM THEY WERE DOING A "POOR JOB." THEN CONNIE EXPRESSED SURPRISE WHEN HE LEARNED THAT THE FIREFIGHTERS ONLY MADE BETWEEN 8-12 DOLLARS AN HOUR.

ISN'T IT CONNIE'S JOB TO KNOW THAT?

GUESS HANGING WITH JACK ABRAMOFF DOESN'T LEAVE A LOT OF TIME FOR MEETING THE 'LITTLE PEOPLE.'


CONNIE SEEMS CONFUSED A LOT. THOSE WANTING SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE SOLID SHOULD CHECK OUT JON TESTER.

THOSE HAPPY WITH EMPTY TALK MUST BE PLEASED AS PUNCH WITH REPUBLICAN CONNIE. AS THE MONTANA DEMOCRATIC PARTY POINTED OUT IN JUNE:



. . . But Burns Voted Yesterday Against Providing Discounted Telecommunications Services For First Responders.
Burns Voted Against Providing Discounted Telecommunications Services For First Responders. On June 27, 2006, in the Senate Commerce, Science and Technology Committee, Burns voted against an amendment to the telecommunications bill (H.R. 5252) that would provide first responders with discounted telecommunications services for increasing interoperability. The amendment failed on a party-line vote, 10-12. [H.R. 5252, Senate Commerce Committee; CQ, 6/27/06]
No Surprise, Since Burns Has Voted Against First Responders At Least 16 Times . . .
Burns Opposed $487 Million For State And Local First-Responder Grant Programs.
In July 2005, Burns opposed an amendment that would add $487 million for state and local first-responder grant programs. [HR2360, 7/13/05, #178]
Burns Opposed $16 Billion For First-Responder And Transportation Security. In July 2005, Burns opposed an amendment that would increase funding for emergency first-responders and transit, rail, truck and port security programs by approximately $16 billion. [HR 2360, 7/13/05, #177]
Burns Voted Against Funding for First Responders. In March 2005, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase fiscal 2006 funding for the Community and Regional Development account by $715 million and for the Administration of Justice account by $140 million. It would stipulate that the funding be used for first responder programs, port security grants and border patrol agents. It would be offset by a cut in the Allowances account. [S Con Res 18, 3/17/05, #64]
Burns Voted Against Funding for First Responders. In March 2005, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase funding for first responder programs by $1.6 billion in fiscal 2006 and reduce the federal debt by $1.6 billion. It would be offset by a $3.2 billion reduction in tax reconciliation provisions. [S Con Res 18, 3/15/05, #50]
Burns Voted Against Firefighter Assistance Grants. In September 2004, Burns voted against an amendment that would increase funding for firefighter assistance grants by $150 million. [HR 4567, 9/14/04, #175]
Burns Opposed $15.8 Billion for First Responders. In September 2004, Burns voted against increasing funding for police, firefighters and other state and local emergency personnel by $15.8 billion. [HR 4567, 9/9/04, #170]



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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY'S PUPPET TAKES A LEAK!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY'S PUPPET TAKES A LEAK!
 
TONY SNOW INSISTS THAT THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES IS "NOT A PUPPETEER."   
 
OF COURSE HE IS A PUPPETEER.  BUT HE'S GOT A BIG PROBLEM.
 
 
THE RIGHT WING GOT THEIR NASTY PANTIES IN A WAD WHEN NATALIE MAINES CRITICIZED BULLY BOY.  THE PROBLEM, THEY SCREAMED, WAS THAT SHE CRITICIZED HIM IN LONDON! 
 
"ON FOREIGN SOIL!" THEY SCREAMED.
 
TODAY, BULLY BOY'S PUPPET -- NOURI AL-MALIKI -- SPOKE TO THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS.  WHAT DID HE SAY?
 
 
BULLY BOY'S PUPPET WENT INTO THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS AND SLAMMED GEORGE H. W. BUSH. 
 
WERE THIS GEORGE GALLOWAY, THE RIGHT WING WOULD BE SCREAMING FOR A KNOOSE.  BECAUSE IT'S BULLY BOY'S PUPPET, THEY'RE ALL GETTING STIFF NECKS FROM TRYING TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY.
 
SAID ONE CONGRESS MEMBER, "WE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS COMING TO HECTOR THE UNITED STATES WITH A HISTORY LESSON."
 
OTHERS FOCUS ON THE "US" SINCE NOURI AL-MALIKI WAS NOT IN IRAQ IN 1991 -- EITHER AS AN IRAQI OR AS A MEMBER OF THE COALITION FORCES. 
 
ONE WAG POINTED OUT, "HE TOOK A PISS ON GEORGE H. W. BUSH, ON THE ARMED FORCES, ON JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.  AND WE APPLAUDED."
 
THE FATHER-SON PSYCHO-DRAMA OF THE BUSH FAMILY CONTINUES.
 
 
 


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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY PULLS AN ALL NIGHTER!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY PULLS AN ALL NIGHTER!
 
TRYING TO GET A HANDLE ON THE 'RACE' SITUATION HE RECENTLY DISCOVERED, BULLY BOY SPENT SEVERAL HOURS LAST NIGHT DOING RESEARCH, ACCORDING TO 2 UNNAMED WHITE HOUSE SOURCES.
 
THE RESEARCH AMOUNTED TO VIEWING THE 3 AND 1/2 HOUR SANFORD & SON BLOCK ON TV LAND AND PRACTICING SOME OF FRED SANFORD'S SLAMS ON AUNT ESTHER FOR LATER USE ON SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE.
 
AT THE END OF THE 3 AND 1/2 HOUR BLOCK, BULLY POINTED EXCITEDLY TO THE SCREEN SHOWING JOYCE DEWITT AND SUZANNE SOMERS, SAYING, "SEE!  THINGS GET BETTER!  WE'RE NO LONGER AT A JUNK YARD!"
 
THE BULLY BOY WAS SO BUSY WITH RESEARCH THAT HE WAS UNABLE TO LEARN HIS PREPARED REMARKS FOR TODAY.
 
"NO PROBLEM, 'YOU DUMMY!'" HE SAID GRINNING AT HIS USE OF A RED FOXX CATCH-PHRASE, "I'LL JUST SAY EXACTLY WHAT I SAID ON JUNE 13TH."
 
WHICH IS MORE OR LESS WHAT HE DID.
 
 
BULLY BOY STATED JUNE 13TH:
 
My message to the Iraqi people is this: seize the moment, seize the opportunity to develop a government of and by and for the people. I come away from here believing that the will is strong.
 
 
The Iraqi people want to succeed. They want to end this violence.
 
 
 
I'm impressed the strength of your character and your desire to succeed. And I'm impressed by your strategy.
 
 
We're impressed by your courage, Mr. Prime Minister, and we're impressed by the courage of the Iraqi people. And we want to help you.
 
 
 
We discussed -- I discussed earlier with the prime minister and here with his cabinet and with members of my Cabinet the strategy necessary to have a country that is capable of answering to the needs of the people.
 
 
We discussed a lot of issues.
 
THE SAME OLD SONG. 
 
 
Recommended: "Iraq Snapshot"


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Monday, July 24, 2006

THIS JUST IN! SCOTTY MCLELLAN HOWLING WITH GLEE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC

THIS JUST IN!

SCOTTY MCLELLAN HOWLING WITH GLEE!

THIS REPORTER ALMOST MISSED OUT ON THIS MORNING'S PRESS BRIEFING AND HOW CAN YOU START THE DAY RIGHT WITHOUT A FRESH PRESS BRIEF?

FORMER WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCLELLAN WAS BOUNDING THROUGH THE HALLS, BOUNCING LIKE WINNIE THE POOH'S TIGGER.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" SCOTTY SQUEALED, TRYING HIS BEST TO COME OFF LIKE WOODY WOODPECKER BUT SOUNDING A LOT LIKE FAMILY MATTER'S URKEL.

SPOTTING ME, SCOTTY BOUNCED OVER.

"IT'S HAPPEND!" HE SAID BOUNCING UP.

"HE HAS TO EAT CROW!" HE SAID BOUNCING DOWN.

"IT'S HIS TURN NOW!" SAID SCOTTY BEFORE FALLING OFF HIS MINI-TRAMPOLINE.

SOMEONE CRIED, "IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?" AND THE ALWAYS PRACTICAL JOKER DICK CHENEY RESPONDED, "I DON'T KNOW, BUT THERE'S ONE IN THE SENATE!"

RUSHING TO THE PRESS BRIEFING, THIS REPORTER WAS JUST IN TIME TO HEAR NEW WHITE HOUSE FLACK TONY SNOW DECLARE THAT WHEN HE SAID THE BULLY BOY CONSIDERS STEM CELL RESEARCH TO BE "MURDER," IT WAS AN OVERSTATEMENT AND THAT THE BULLY BOY "WOULD NOT USE THAT TERM."


CORNERED BY THIS REPORTER, SNOW ADMITTED THAT THE MISTAKE WAS IN USING THE TERM "MURDER."

"'KILL' IS PERFECTLY FINE," SNOW STATED. "'MURDER' IS NOT. 'KILL' IS ONE SYLLABLE. THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES CAN HANDLE 'KILL' BUT HIS TONGUE GETS LOST WITH 'MURDER.'"

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Friday, July 21, 2006

THIS JUST IN! VOTE G.O.P. OR THE TERRORIST . . . MIGHT DO . . . SOMETHING!

BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - TAMPA & KNOXVILLE

THIS JUST IN!

VOTE G.O.P. OR THE TERRORIST . . . MIGHT DO . . . SOMETHING!

MUST CREDIT BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX!

VICE PRESIDENT, YOU GOTTA GET THE "VICE" IN THERE, DICK CHENEY TOLD AN AUDIENCE TODAY, "THIS CONFLICT IS A LONG WAY FROM OVER. IT'S GOING TO BE A BATTLE THAT WILL LAST FOR A VERY LONG TIME."


SADLY, HE WASN'T SPEAKING ABOUT THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE THOUGH HIS BELLY CONTINUES TO HANG OVER HIS BELT SO PROMINENTLY THAT IT COULD BE TURNED INTO A CAR PORT.

WHAT WAS HE TALKING OF?

NO ONE IS REALLY SURE.

HE MIGHT BE SPEAKING OF THE ARMED AGGRESSION OF ISRAEL BUT, IF SO, THE U.S. HAS OFFICIALLY SAT THAT BATTLE OUT.

ORIGINAL GANSTA CHENEY THEN STATED, "IT IS VITAL THAT WE KEEP ISSUES OF NATIONAL SECURITY AT THE TOP OF THE AGENDA" WHICH SHOULD HAVE LED TO HECKLES OF "WHAT ABOUT 9-11!"

BUT HE WAS SPEAKING TO A REPUBLICAN AUDIENCE, AT A REPUBLICAN FUNDRAISER IN TAMPA SO, MAINLY, PEOPLE JUST SCRATCHED THEIR HEADS AND ONE WOMAN WAS OVERHEARD TO SAY, "DICK CHENEY HAS A FAT ASS."

HOMELAND SECURITY QUICKLY ESCORTED HER OUT OF THE BUILDING AND SOMEONE, NOT CONNECTED TO DICK CHENEY WE ARE SURE, ANNOUNCED THAT THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND WAS SECRETLY "GARMENT INSPECTOR NUMBER 9" WHOSE WORK IS WIDELY KNOWN BUT WHO HAS NEVER BEEN PUBLICLY IDENTIFIED PREVIOUSLY.

SOMEONE WHO LOOKED LIKE CHENEY, BUT TONY SNOW INSISTS WAS NOT CHENEY, STATED TO THE AUDIENCE THAT GARMET INSPECTOR NUMBER 9'S REAL NAME WAS "VICTOR BANE."

REACHED AT HIS TAMPA HOME, MR. BANE WONDERED WHERE HIS WIFE WAS AND ADMITTED THAT, DUE TO THE OUTING, HE WOULD NO LONGER BE ABLE TO CONTINUE HIS WORK AS GARMENT INSPECTOR NUMBER 9.

DICK CHENEY WAS HEARD TO CHUCKLE AND DECLARE, "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK. WHO NEEDS F**KING KARL ROVE? YOU FEEL ME? YOU FEEL ME?"

WHILE CHENEY WAS CHUCKELING, HIS PARTY WAS DEALT A BLOW IN TENNESSEE WHERE G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR MARK ALBERTINI, SOON TO BE KNOWN AS MARK MARTINI, WAS ARRESTED, FOLLOWING A FUNDRAISER, FOR PUBLIC INTOXIFICATION.

IN HIS CAR, POLICE REPORTEDLY FOUND A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A GUN.

"STUPID F**KING FOOL!" SNARLED VICE DICK, "DOESN'T HE KNOW YOU ONLY GET DRUNK BEFORE YOU GO HUNTING! STUPID F**KING, P**CK A** G***AMN S**T F**KER!"

NOTING A FAMILY OF THREE STARING AT HIM IN SHOCK, DICK CHENEY THREW BACK HIS HEAD, RUBBED HIS PORTLY BELLY AND LAUGHED, "GOD BLESS HIM. GOD BLESS US ALL."

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY DISCOVERS RACISM! NEXT UP: GRAVITY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY DISCOVERS RACISM! NEXT UP: GRAVITY!

SPEAKING TO THE NAACP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS 6 YEARS IN THE OVAL OFFICE (HE'S VERY SHY, WHITE HOUSE FLACK TONY SNOW SWEARS THAT BULLY BOY IS EVEN QUOTE: "PEE SHY"), BULLY BOY DECLARED, "I UNDERSTAND THAT RACISM STILL LINGERS IN AMERICA."

THOUGH THAT 'DISCOVERY' UNDERWHELMED WHEN HE PLAYED "BULLY BOY CONFESSIONS," HE GOT HUGE APPLAUSE BY SAYING "I UNDERSTAND THAT MANY AFRICAN-AMERICANS DISTRUST MY POLITICAL PARTY."

ALBERTO GONZALES STOOD UP AND SHOUTED, "YOU GO, GIRL!" THEN LOOKED AROUND AWKWARDLY WHEN HE REALIZED EVERYONE WAS STARING AT HIM.

IN A MUTUALLY SELF-SERVING MOMENT WHERE THIS REPORTER BONDED WITH TONY SNOW OVER HOW "WHITE" THE INTERNATIONAL WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST) AND ATTORNY GENERAL WAS, TONY SNOW REVEALED THAT BULLY BOY DISCOVERED RACISM STILL EXISTS AFTER WATCHING THE THREE HOUR BLOCK OF GOOD TIMES ON TV LAND EARLIER IN THE DAY.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

THIS JUST IN! JERRY LEWIS SINGS "YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS"

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
JERRY LEWIS SINGS "YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS!"
 
NO, NOT JERRY "THE KILLER LEWIS," JERRY LEWIS IN THE CONGRESS, GUY WITH THE PETER GRAVES WIG AND CHICKLETS TEETH. 
 
WHY'S HE SINGING?  WOULDN'T YOU BE IF YOU INVESTED $22,000 IN 2005 AND IT WAS NOW WORTH $60,000?
 
HOW HE'D GET SO LUCKY?  WHEN JERRY LEWIS WAS MADE CHAIR OF THE HOUSE APPROPRIATIONS COMMITTEE HIS FRIEND JAMES ROBISON WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE THE CHAIRMAN OF THE SECURITY BANK OF CALIFORNIA SAID, "HEY JERRY?  YOU A BIG DOG NOW.  YOU SPREAD MY BUTTER, I SPREAD YOUR JAM.  COME ON JERRY, DO ME A SOLID."
 
WHICH IS HOW JERRY LEWIS, THE CHAIR OF THE HOUSE APPROPRIATIONS COMMITTEE OF THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS ENDED UP WITH "THE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY INTO SECURITY BANK OF CALIFORNIA".
 
HE'S MONEY!  QUESTION NOW: IS HE THE NEXT REPUBLICAN TO BE PLAUGED WITH SCANDALS?
 
 
 
 
 
 


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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

THIS JUST IN! IN A SNIT, ALBIE TURNS ON BULLY BOY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
IN A SNIT, ALBIE TURNS ON BULLY BOY!
 
TRICKED INTO BELIEVING THAT IT WAS DRESS UP DAY IN THE SENATE, ALBERTO GONZALES (ATTORNEY GENERAL AND INTERNATIONAL WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST) STEPPED INTO THE SENATE TODAY AND WAS HAPPY TO SEE LINDSEY GRAHAM LOOKING VERY MUCH LIKE TRUMAN CAPOTE.
 
ALBIE LOVES DRESS UP. 
 
LOOKING AROUND, HE QUICKLY REALIZED, HOWEVER, THAT LINDSEY GRAHAM ALWAYS LOOK LIKE TRUMAN CAPOTE AND, THEN, THAT THIS WASN'T A DRESS UP DAY: THE SENATORS HAD LIED TO HIM JUST TO GET HIM TO TESTIFY!
 
 
AS PEOPLE RECOVERED FROM THE BOMBSHELL, ALBIE GRABBED HIS TENNIS RACKET, STATED HE HAD A MIXED DOUBLES MATCH AND BEGGED OFF FROM FURTHER QUESTIONS.
 
 
 
 


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Monday, July 17, 2006

THIS JUST IN! EVAN BLAH ATTACKS HIS OWN! TRIES TO EAT 'EM!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
EVAN BLAH ATTACKS HIS OWN!  TRIES TO EAT 'EM!
 
HISTORICALLY THE MOST DIFFICULT THING FOR EVAN BLAH HAS BEEN DEALING WITH AN ADAM'S APPLE THAT LOOKS LIKE HE'S SWALLOWED A GOLF BALL. BUT THE SENATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS BAYH SEEMS DETERMINED TO REPLACE JOE LIEBERMAN AS MOST USELESS MEMBER OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
 
EVAN BLAH PROVED THIS AFTERNOON THAT HE COULD "ZELL-BOY UP" AND GET READY FOR HIS FOX-TIME CLOSE UP BY FALSELY SLAMMING HIS PARTY FOR ABANDONING THE MIDDLE CLASS IN A PURSUIT OF "LOWER-INCOME AMERCIANS."
 
EVAN BLAH DEMONSTRATED YET AGAIN THAT THERE'S NO ROCK HE'S NOT WILLING TO EMERGE FROM AS HE REINFORCED A FALSE STEREOTYPE BETTER THAN HIS REPUBLICAN BRETHERN COULD.
 
WAGS SAY HIS 2008 SLOGAN WILL BE: "EVAN BLAH: NO BACK LEFT UNSTABBED."
 
 
 
 
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