THIS JUST IN! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY.

 

 

EARLY ON, MISS PRISS INSTANT CUCKOO ORRIN HATCH WENT TO BAT FOR BULLY BOY YET AGAIN.  SURE IT WAS A FOUL BALL BUT SENATOR HATCH IS AN OLD MAN AND FUNNY TO LOOK AT.  SO WITH THAT AND THE FACT THAT WHERE MISS PRISS GOES HER BOY TOYS SANTORUM AND CORNYN FOLLOW CLOSE BEHIND, SHOULD HAVE MEANT A GOOD DAY FOR THE BULLY BOY.

 

HATCHET HAD FED THE HUNGRY NEWS CYCLE FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS ALLOWING ALL THE "BALANCE" LOVERS TO TYPE: NO BIG DEAL WITH THE NSA, HERE'S WHAT ORRIN HAD TO SAY . . . .

 

BUT BULLY BOY WAS FORLORN.

 

 

IF YOU ASKED HIM, HE COULDN'T USE THAT WORD.  TOO BIG.  BUT HE COULD HAVE TOLD YOU "SAD" PROBABLY.

 

"DUDES AND DUDESSES" IS HOW BULLY BOY GREETED THE OLYMPIC AND PARALYMPIC ATHLETES AND HE TRIED TO LAUGH, TRIED TO SNORT, TRIED TO DO THE PANTING HE LEARNED AS A BOY WHEN HE USED TO MAKE PRANK CALLS TO HIS MOTHER, BIG BABS, IN ORDER TO SPOOK HER, BUT HIS HEART WASN'T IN IT. 

 

WHEN JEREMY BLOOM TRIED TO GIVE HIM A GIFT, BULLY BOY DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

 

BULLY BOY LOVES GIFTS.

 

BULLY BOY LIVES FAILURE.

 

BULLY BOY LOVES BROWN NOSERS.

 

A GIFT FROM A 5TH ROUND DRAFT PICK AND SOLID SUCK UP COULDN'T CATCH BULLY BOY'S ATTENTION.

 

FINALLY THE GIFT WAS ACCEPTED BY A WOMAN WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE THE WOMAN WHO EVERYONE SAYS IS NOT LAURA BUSH.  THE 2 WOMEN LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME EXCEPT FOR THE CAN OF LONE STAR BEER 1 IS ALWAYS SEEN HOLDING. 

 

HE MAY HAVE BEEN ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN, BUT HIS MIND WAS IN HOUSTON WHERE HIS "KENNY BOY" FOUND HIS FATE IN THE HANDS OF A JURY. 

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! NEDRA PICKLER SEES INSIDE PEOPLE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

NEDRA PICKLER SEES INSIDE PEOPLE!

THE WISER PORTION OF THE DC PRESS CORPS, ALL THREE OF THEM, BROKE OUT IN LOUD LAUGHTER TODAY.

NOT AT THE BULLY BOY'S NASTY LITTLE ATTEMPT TO GET LAUGHS BY MAKING FUN OF AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER JOHN HOWARD'S LOOKS AND THE FACT THAT HE'S BALD, BUT AT NEDRA PICKLER'S ATTEMPTED "REPORT" FOR THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.

"SHE'S THE HALEY JOEL OSMENT OF THE PRESS CORPS!" LAUGHED ONE TO THE CONFUSION OF MANY.

"SHE WRITES: 'HE ALSO IS KNOWN FOR TEASING PEOPLE AS A SIGN OF AFFECTION.'
SHE'S HALEY JOEL OSMENT IN THE SEQUEL TO THE SIXTH SENSE, NO SENSE. SHE STARES BLANKLY AHEAD AND WHISPERS 'I SEE INSIDE PEOPLE.' "

THAT CLEARED UP EVERY ONE BURST INTO LAUGHTER.

"I GOT THE FEELING," OFFERED ANOTHER, "THAT SHE WAS TEASED A GREAT DEAL IN SCHOOL, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, SO INSTEAD OF RECOGNIZING THAT THE BULLY BOY TEASES BECAUSE HE IS A BULLY, SHE TRIES TO TURN IT INTO A 'SIGN OF AFFECTION' BECAUSE NOT TO DO SO WOULD MEAN FACING THAT ALL THE MANY CRUEL THINGS SAID TO HER OVER THE YEARS WERE MEANT TO HURT AS MUCH AS THEY DID."

"WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?" ASKED PICKLER WALKING UP WITH A GOOFY SMILE, TOLIET PAPER STUCK TO HER SHOE AND THE BACK OF SKIRT STUCK INSIDE HER PANTYHOSE.

"NOTHING," ALL THREE SAID, EXCHANGING LOOKS AND TRYING HARD NOT TO LAUGH WHILE NEDRA PICKLER CONTINUED SMILING HER GOOFY SMILE.


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THIS JUST IN! THAT'S NOT LAURA BUSH!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.


THIS JUST IN!


"THAT'S NOT LAURA BUSH!"


SO SAYS THE WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE LAURA BUSH AND IS FREQUENTLY SEEN HECKLING THE BULLY BOY AT PRESS CONFERENCES WHILE DOWNING A CAN OR TWO OF LONE STAR BEER.


IF THAT WASN'T LAURA BUSH THEN WHO WAS POSING AS HER ON SUNDAY AND SAYING, "I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THOSE POLLS . . . AS I TRAVEL AROUND THE UNITED STATES, I SEE A LOT OF APPRECIATION FOR HIM. A LOT OF PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND SAY, 'STAY THE COURSE'."


WHICH COULD JUST BE AMERICANS OFFERING MARITAL ADVICE BUT THE MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS WHO WAS THAT WOMAN?


WHEN PRESSED ON THE ISSUE TODAY, TONY SNOW REFUSED TO CONFIRM OR DENY THAT THE WOMAN WAS OR WAS NOT LAURA BUSH BUT DID REPEAT THE PREVIOUS WHITE HOUSE LAPDOG (SCOTTY MCCLELLAN)'S TALKING POINT THAT "THE LAURA BUSH LOOK IS JUST A VERY POPULAR, A VERY STYLISH LOOK, THIS YEAR."

THE MYSTERY MIGHT HAVE ENDED UNSOLVED WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT KARL ROVE LOVES THE SPOTLIGHT. SPEAKING TO THE CREEPS AND JACKYLS THAT COMPOSE THE AMERICAN ENTERPRISE INSTITUTE, KARL ROVE OFFERED THAT BULLY BOY WASN'T UNPOPULAR, IT WAS JUST THE WAR THAT WAS UNPOPULAR.

WHEN ASKED IF THE WAR, POPULAR OR NOT, WAS NOT INDEED BULLY BOY'[S WAR THAT HE LAUNCHED, LIED AND TRICKED A NATION OVER AND --

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN POLLS," ROVE DECLARED LAYING HIS RIGHT HAND OVER HIS CHEST, FINGERS SPLAYED.

AS 1 REPORTER SAID, OFF THE RECORD, "THAT WAS A VERY TONY PERKINS MOMENT."


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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GOES PUNK OR GETS PUNKED?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY GOES PUNK OR GETS PUNKED?

WITH HIS APPROVAL RATING CONTINUING TO FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, BULLY BOY HAS EITHER GONE PUNK OR BEEN PUNKED FURTHER.

TODAY THE BULLY BOY DECLARED THAT THE REASON THE IRAQI GOVERNMENT HAS YET TO FORM A UNITY GOVERNMENT IS BECAUSE OF
THE "MILITIAS."

THE PRESS CORPS CHUCKLED LIGHTLY SINCE, AS EVERYONE BUT THE BRAIN DEAD KNOW, THE REASON NOTHING HAS BEEN FORMED IN PRIME MINISTER WANNA-BE AL-MALIKI'S GOVERNMENT IS BECAUSE A) OF U.S. INTERFERENCE AND B) THE FIGHT OVER WHO WILL BE OIL MINISTER.


WHISPERED ONE REPORTER, "IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT HIS APPROVAL RATING HAS DROPPED TO 29%"


"OR DOESN'T CARE," ADDED ANOTHER.

"BULLY COULD NEVER DO MATH!" SLURRED A DRUNKEN WOMAN WHO LOOKED LIKE LAURA BUSH BUT WAS NOT LAURA BUSH. "WE LOST SO MUCH MONEY ONE CHRISTMAS WHEN HE TRIED TO DO DIVISION WITH DIME BAGS. HEY, I'M OUT OF LONE STAR!"


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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY DUMMIES UP FOR THE PRESS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.


THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY DUMMIES UP FOR THE PRESS!


CONFRONTED WITH USA TODAY'S EXPLOSIVE STORY ABOUT HIS AUTHORIZING THE SPYING ON PHONE CALLS PLACED IN THE UNITED STATES AND NOT GOING OUT OF THE UNITED STATES BY NON-SUSPECTED AMERICAN CITIZENS, BULLY BOY TROTTED OUT THE USUAL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT THE U.S. FROM 'TERRORISM' EVEN IF IT MEANS DESTROYING EVERY RIGHT WE HAVE AND EVERY PRINCIPLE WE STAND FOR.


ONE CHATTY WHITE HOUSE INSIDER, NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, ASKED THIS REPORTER, "WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE? YOUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN BY TERRORISTS OR YOUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN BY OUR BULLY BOY?"


WHEN I RESPONDED THAT I'D PREFER NOT TO HAVE MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN AT ALL, THE CHATTY SOURCE SNEERED AND DECLARED, "THAT'S WHAT ARI CALLED PRE-9/11 THINKING."

THE CHATTY SOURCE THEN ADDED, "OF COURSE OUR BULLY BOY DUMMIED UP. THERE WERE MICROPHONES IN HIS FACE. HE PREFERS TO LEAK. LOOK FOR A ROBERT NOVAK COLUMN TO TELL ALL."



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THIS JUST IN! HILLARY CLINTON LOVES THE BOYZ WHO CHEAT ON HER!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

HILLARY CLINTON LOVES THE BOYZ WHO CHEAT ON HER!

ASKED TO NAME 1 THING GOOD ABOUT THE BULLY BOY SHE WENT WILD AND CRAZY AND SOFT IN THE HEAD. UNABLE TO STOP AT 1 SHE JUST KEPT TICKING OFF WHY SHE LOVES HER SOME STUPID BOYZ.

1) CHARM & CHARISMA

2) GRATEFUL TO HIM AFTER 9/11 FOR HIS "SUPPORT"

3) "GOOD COMPANY"

4) "WILLING TO TALK"

5) WHEN ASKED FOR HELP BY NYC "HE IMMEDIATELY SAID YES"

6) "ALWAYS KEPT IT ON TRACK"

7) "MADE SURE WE GOT THE RESOUCRES THAT WE NEEDED"


WHILE SHE WAS PANTING ABOUT HOW "GRATEFUL" SHE WAS TO HIM, SOMEONE FINALLY CUT OFF JOSIE LIEBERMANS MICROPHONE.


THANK GOD.


BUSY PRAISING HER BULLY BOY, SHE REALLY LOVES THE BOYS WHO CHEAT ON HER, SHE FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE ISSUE OF THE LIES FROM THE EPA THAT THE AIR WAS SAFE TO BREATHE.


CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN WORKED FOR WHICH OVAL OFFICE OCCUPANT? ONE WAG SAID HILLARY MIGHT BE CONFUSED SO SHE SHOULD BE CLUED IN THAT CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN "WASN'T AN INTERN."


SHE WAS APPOINTED BY THE BULLY BOY TO HEAD THE EPA. ON SEPTEMBER 13, 2001, CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN TOLD NYC AND AMERICA THAT THE AIR AT GROUND ZERO WAS SAFE TO BREATHE.


IN FEBURARY OF THIS YEAR U.S. DISTRICT JUDGE DEBORAH A. BATTS STATED "NO REASONABLE PERSON WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT TELLING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE THAT IT WAS SAFE TO RETURN TO LOWER MANHATTAN, WHILE KNOWING THAT SUCH RETURN COULD POSE LONG-TERM HEALTH RISKS AND OTHER DIRE CONSEQUENCES, WAS CONDUCT SANCTIONED BY OUR LAWS."


HOW DID IT HAPPEN? WHY WERE THE PEOPLE LIED TO? PHILIP CLAPP
SAYS:


IT'S VERY SIMPLE. THE WHITE HOUSE HAD ONE PRIORITY AFTER SEPTEMBER 11TH AND THAT WAS GET THE ENTIRE FNANCIAL DISTRICT UP AND OPERATING. GET WALL STREET GOING AGAIN. AND THE DATA ON AIR POLLUTION AND THE DNAGERS WAS MUCH LESS IMPORTANT TO THEM THAN IT WAS TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. SO THEY WERE WILLING TO TELL THE EPA, "MISINFORM THE CITIZENS OF NEW YORK. EXPOSE THEM TO RISKS FOR THE BENEFIT OF WALL STREET FIRMS AND LAW FIRMS."


ONE THING IS CLEAR: HILLARY CLINTON STILL LOVES THE BOYZ WHO CHEAT ON HER. SHE CAN'T STOP SINGING THEIR PRAISES BE IT A BILLY (CLINTON) OR A BULLY (BOY). LIE TO HER, CHEAT ON HER, SHE JUST LOVES 'EM ALL THE MORE!!!



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---

THIS JUST IN! IT TAKES A COWARD --- SOMETIMES TWO!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

IT TAKES A COWARD --

SOMETIMES TWO!

NOT CONTENT TO BE KNOWN AS THE LOYAL SUCKS UP, RENEGADE CLINTONISTA EVAN BLAH IS PUSHING FOR WAR WITH IRAN WITH THE HOPES THAT IT MIGHT MAKE HIM A "REAL BOY."

JOINING IN THE MARCH OF THE WOODEN SOLDIERS IS DARK HORSE, AND RICHARD NIXON DEAD RINGER, MARK WARNER.


"SIMPLY LASHING OUT IN ANGER AT THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION DOESN'T ACCOMPLISH WHAT WE WANT," WHINED EVAN BLAH WHILE SHOVING BOTH HANDS DOWN HIS PANTS IN AN ATTEMPT TO RELIEVE THE NASTY CASE OF BLOOD LUST HE HAS IN HIS LOINS.

FUTURE "WHO WAS HE?" WARNER AGREED QUICKLY WHILE STARING LONGINGLY AT BLAH'S HANDS AND PANTING HARD.

THE WE-CAN-GET-BEHIND-OUR-BULLY-BOY-OR-ON-OUR-KNEES-IN-FRONT-OF-HIM-OR-ON-ALL-FOURS-OR-WHATEVER-YOU-WANT-JUST-DROP-A-TWENTY-ON-THE-DRESSER CROWD GATHERED AT THE NON PROGRESSIVE GATHERING SPONSORED BY THE REPUBLICANS IN DEM-LITE PULL UPS AND TRAINING PANTS "PROGRESSIVE" POLICY INSTITUTE.

WILL MARSHALL, WHO WASN'T WANTED IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND ISN'T WANTED IN THE DEMOCRATIC ONE THOUGH HE FAILS TO TAKE A HINT, WORE HIS USUAL CHEAP SUIT, GREASY GRIN AND GOP BELIEFS IN FULL.

SAID MARSHALL BETWEEN BOUTS OF BREAKING WIND, "I WRECKED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND NOW I WANT TO WORK MY MAGIC ON THE DEMOCRATIC ONE. I HATE EVERYONE EQUALLY."

"GOOD PLAN!" AGREED EVAN BLAH WHO REFUSED TO STAND DOWNWIND FROM MARSHALL.


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THIS JUST IN! THE TONE IS RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

THE TONE IS RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

BULLY BOY INTRODUCED HIS BOY "MIKE."

BULLY BOY, WHO GETS GIDDY WHEN HE SPEAKS OF FRIENDS FORCED TO CALL HIM "PRESIDENT" (EVEN HIS FRIENDS HAVE TO BE FORCED TO USE THE TERM), INTRODUCED HIS PICK FOR DIRECTOR OF THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY: "MIKE."

SOME WONDERED IF BULLY BOY MIGHT HAVE MISTAKEN AIR FORCE GENERAL MICHAEL HAYDEN FOR ONE OF HIS ROLL DOGS?

NOT TRUE SAYS ONE INSIDE SOURCE, WHO IS NOT WHITE HOUSE LAPDOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, "ACTUALLY, OUR FEARLESS LEADER KEPT CONFUSING HAYDEN WITH THE FATHER FROM DIFF'RENT STROKES. HE KEPT WANTING TO CALL THE GENERAL 'MR. DRUMMOND.'"

WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?

"HE PROMISED TO CHANGE THE TONE IN D.C. AND HE HAS," THE INSIDE SOURCE SAYS. "IT'S NOW A RED LIGHT DISTRICT."

WHICH MAY EXPLAIN THE FBI'S INVESTIGATION OF "DUSTY" FOR ALLEGED INVOLVEMENT IN A CONGRESSIONAL SCANDAL THAT APPEARS TO BE BECOMING A PROSTITUTION SCANDAL. "DUSTY" IS BETTER KNOWN AS THE SOON TO BE FORMER CIA EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR KYLE FOGGO.

SAID SOURCE, "OH GREAT! THINGS GO FREAKY JUST WHEN IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GET BACK TO TEXAS! I MISS ALL THE FREAKY FUN!"


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THIS JUST IN! WHICH RAT WILL BE THE LAST TO LEAVE?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

WHICH RAT WILL BE THE LAST TO LEAVE?


PORTER GOSS, CIA DIRECTOR, BECOMES THE LATEST CHEESE EATER TO JUMP SHIP. OR WAS HE PUSHED?


WAGS ARE WHISPERING THAT NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE DIRECTOR JOHN NEGROPONTE SPOKE WITH GOSS ABOUT THE "POSSIBILITY" OF GOSS STEPPING DOWN. DID NEGROPONTE THREATEN TO HAVE SOME OF HIS HONDURAN BUDDIES HELP GOSS MAKE THE DECISION?


SOME ARE POINTING OUT SIMILARITIES TO THE SUMMER OF 2001 WHEN THE FBI WAS WITHOUT LEADERSHIP. OTHERS ARE WONDERING WHERE THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF "SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY" IS?



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THIS JUST IN! AIN'T EASY TO IMPRESS ALBERTO GONZALES!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

AIN'T EASY TO IMPRESS ALBERTO GONZALES.

 

"WE ALL KNOW RENDITIONS, IN AND OF ITSELF, IS NOTHING EXTRAORDINARY," ALBERTO GONZALES SNIFFED.

 

ATTORNEY GENERAL AND BOTH NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK ALIKE CONTEST.SHOCKED MANY WITH WHAT SOME ARE CALLING HIS "CATTY" REMARK.

 

AN INSIDE WHITE HOUSE SOURCE, WHO IS NOT SCOTTY MCCLELLAN AND WANTS TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE THINKS IT IS SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, SAYS THE ATTORNEY GENERAL HAS BEEN MIFFED SINCE HIS ATTEMPTED MADONNA UP FAILED TO GET ATTENTION.

 

"YOU GOTTA' UNDERSTAND," SAID THE SOURCE, "WHEN J-ASS RULED THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, THE NATION TREMBLED.  IT WAS 'JOHN ASHCROFT THIS' AND 'JOHN ASHCROFT THAT' BUT NOW?  IT'S LIKE 'AW, IT'S JUST LITTLE ALBIE, WHO CARES?' "

 

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THIS JUST IN! DOES CONDI HEAR BELLS?

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

DOES CONDI HEAR BELLS?

 

WHILE DICK CHENEY GEARS UP FOR HIS 'FREEDOM' TOUR (FULL TITLE: FREEDOM TO TORTURE! AS CROOKED AS I WANNA BE!) AND BULLY BOY ANTICIPATES HIS FLORIDA TRIP NEXT WEEK WHERE HE WILL PROMISE

EACH SENIOR WHO SIGNS UP TO HIS NEW MEDICARE PLAN 3 FREE CDS WITH THE AGREEMENT THAT THEY PURCHASE 92 MORE AT REGULAR COST OVER THE NEXT 3 YEARS, WHO'S WATCHING CONDI?

 

WAGS ARE WAGGING THAT CONDI RICE HAS FINALLY FOUND A MAN SHE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH.

 

WHO'S THE LUCKY JOE?

 

TEODORO OBIANG NGUEMA, THE PRESIDENT OF EQUATORIAL GUINEAN. 

 

NO-ONE-COULD-HAVE-GUESSED-CONDI, AS FRIENDS CALL HER, IS AS SURPRISED AS ANYONE TO FIND HERSELF IN LOVE WITH TEODORO.

 

 

"WE'RE LIKE BRAD AND ANGELINA," SHE REPORTEDLY TOLD ONE FRIEND.

"WE JUST FIT.  HE GETS ME.  REALLY GETS ME.  YOU KNOW HE'S SAID ON STATE RADIO THAT HE'S GOD.  THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON IN A MAN!  WHILE MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN HIS COUNTRY LIVE ON LESS THAN A DOLLAR DAY, HE'S WORTH OVER $300 MILLION!  IT'S NOT THE MONEY, YOU UNDERSTAND, JUST THE CRUELTY FACTOR INVOLVED.  THAT'S WHAT EXCITES ME."

 

DETERMINED TO KEEP TEODORO AWAY FROM SPURNED SUITER MARK THATCHER, CONDI'S KEEPING FRIENDS' AT ARMS LENGTH. 

 

"SHE GOT TIRED OF SHARING,"  A FRIEND WHO IS NOT NAMED SCOTTY MCCLELLAN EXPLAINED. 

 

 

CONDI'S BEEN OBSERVED TEACHING HIM TO SAY "YA'LL" AND "HOWDY."  REPORTEDLY SHE'S GROOMING HIM TO RUN FOR GOVERNOR OF TEXAS "AND THEN THE WORLD!" 

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY LAGGING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY LAGGING.

AS OVER 1.5 MILLION AND MAYBE AS MANY AS 2 MILLION (OR MORE) TOOK PART IN THE IMMIGRATION DEMONSTRATIONS, RALLIES AND BOYCOTTS YESTERDAY, BULLY BOY'S BEEN HAVING TROUBLE GETTING THAT RUMORED "MOJO" BACK.

FIRST THERE WAS THE SLAP IN THE FACE FROM CONDI RICE AND THE STATE DEPARTMENT AFTER BULLY BOY MANGLED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHILE SUGGESTING THAT IF YOU CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, YOU MIGHT NEED TO FIND ANOTHER COUNTRY OR ELSE STAY SILENT. TURNS OUT THE STATE DEPARTMENT FEATURES FOREIGN LANGUAGE AUDIO FILES ON ITS OFFICIAL WEBSITE.

NOW COMES NEWS THAT BULLY BOY'S STATEMENT LAST WEEK OPPOSING BOYCOTTS ALSO HAD NO LEGS.

TO TOM BROKAW, BULLY BOY SAID, "I MEAN, THE DIXIE CHICKS ARE FREE TO SPEAK THEIR MIND. THEY CAN SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY. AND JUST BECAUSE -- THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE THEIR FEELINGS HURT JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BUY THEIR RECORDS WHEN THEY SPEAK OUT."

WHEN CONFRONTED WITH BULLY BOY'S STATEMENTS FROM APRIL 24, 2003, STATEMENTS THAT DO NOT SAY "THE DIXIE CHICKS SHOULD NOT BE BOYCOTTED!", WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN LOOKED A LITTLE SAD. THEN HE PERKED UP AND SAID, "THE BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY HE WAS AGAINST 'BOYCOTTS.' HE SAID HE WAS AGAINST 'BOY CROTCHES.' ANYONE WHO HAS OBSERVED HIS EAR HAIRS KNOWS THAT 'MAN SCAPING' IS NOT SOMETHING OUR BULLY BOY TAKES PART IN."

"SO YOU ARE SAYING THE BULLY BOY IS AGAINST BOY CROTCHES!"

"YES," REPLIED SCOTT MCCLELLAN.

IMMEDIATELY CRIES RANG UP FROM THE DC PRESS CORP WHO APPEARED TO WAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIX YEARS.

"WHAT ARE THE BOYS' NAMES!"

"HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN AGAINST BOY CROTCHES!"

"DOES HE HAVE SLEEP OVERS LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON!"

"SEX SCANDAL!" CHORTLED LISA MYERS. "HOT DAMN! DC'S FINALLY COME BACK TO LIFE!"

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---

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY TIMES 2 STILL NOT FUNNY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY TIMES 2 STILL NOT FUNNY!

 

LAST NIGHT IN DC AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS' ASSOCIATION, BULLY BOY BROUGHT ON A BUDDY, ONE STEVE BRIDGES WHO IMPERSONATES THE BULLY BOY.

 

AS THE TWO ATTEMPTED TO YUCK IT UP WITH BAD JOKES CONSIDERING THAT HE IS BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES AND THAT DICK CHENEY IS HIS RIGHT HAND MAN/COACH/MENTOR/WET NURSE.  (TOPICS INCLUDED DICK CHENEY SHOOTING A MAN.)  MOST WERE LEFT TO WONDER WHY BULLY BOY ELECTED TO UTILIZE THIS MOMENT TO DEMONSTRATE THAT, AS IN ANY THIRD WORLD REGIME, HE MUST EMPLOY PHYSICAL IMPERSONATERS.

 

"PEOPLE LAUGHED AT SADDAM HUSSEIN FOR HIS ARMY OF HUSSEIN A-LIKES," ADMITTED ONE WAG.  "IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE THAT BULLY BOY WOULD WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT HERE, IN THE UNITED STATES, WE HAVE TO EMPLOY THE SAME DEVICE."

 

SOME FELT IT WAS A DESPERATION MOVE RESULTING FROM THE STONEY SILENCE THAT GREETED HIS ATTEMPT AT A JOKE WEDNESDAY WHEN HE INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO HIS LATEST HOUSE PET, TONY SNOW.

 

GRINNING WIDELY, AND EYES DANCING IN ANTICIPATION, BULLY BOY DECLARED, "FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ HIS COLUMNS AND LISTENED TO HIS RADIO SHOW, HE SOMETIMES HAS DISAGREED WITH ME.  I ASKED HIM ABOUT THOSE COMMENTS, AND HE SAID, 'YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE OTHER GUY.' " 

 

AT WHICH POINT, BULLY BOY LOOKED AROUND FOR A LAUGH THAT NEVER CAME BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO PLAY OFF THIS VERY PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF PRESS LAP DOGS REFUSING TO LAP UP HIS SOP.

 

DID THIS LEAD TO SUNDAY'S NIGHT EMBARRASSING PERFORMANCE?

 

NO ONE CAN BE SURE BUT THIS MORNING, ON THE THIRD ANNIVERSARY OF HIS INFAMOUS ANNOUNCEMENT THAT MAJOR COMBAT OPERATIONS HAD ENDED IN IRAQ IN FRONT OF A BANNER THAT READ "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED," BULLY BOY WAS BACK TO 'JOSHING' AS HE EXPRESSED HIS FIRM CONFIDENCE IN THE CURRENT IRAQI LEADERSHIP INSTALLED AND HAND PICKED BY THE U.S. GOVERNMENT.

 

 

 

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"TV Review: Without a Point"

 

---

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THIS JUST ! TRANSLATIONS FRIGHTEN THE BULLY BOY

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

TRANSLATIONS FRIGHTEN THE BULLY BOY!

 

POSSIBLY EXPLAINING THE FAILURES OF THE FBI TRANSLATION DEPARTMENT, BULLY BOY DECLARED HIMSELF FRIDAY AS AGAINST THE SINGING OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IN SPANISH.

 

WHEN ASKED WHY, BULLY BOY REPLIED, "PEOPLE GOT TOO MUCH . . . TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS.  WE GOT TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS GOING ON.  WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO MISCOMMUNICATE.  TOO MUCH UNDERSTANDINGS.  WE LET THIS ONE SLIDE BY AND PRETTY SOON 'SWEET HOME ALABAMA' BECOMES 'SWEET CASA JUAREZ.'  WHERE DOES IT END?  IT'S LIKE WHEN I GO TO TACO BELL.  I WON'T ORDER A 'BURRITO.'  I ASK FOR THE 'WRAP AROUND.'  IT'S ABOUT BEING AMERICAN.  OR LIKE WHEN I DRINK A

. . . WHEN I USED TO DRINK.  I WON'T ORDER A 'MARGARITA.'  I ASK FOR, I ASKED FOR A SLURPEE WITH ALCOHOL.  IT'S ABOUT SAVING THE CULTURE.  THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT UPON SAVING CULTURE. THAT'S WHY WE STOOD UP TO THE INJUNS.  IMAGINE IF WE HADN'T DONE THAT.  WE'D ALL BE SPEAKING LAKOTANEESE RIGHT NOW."

 

BULLY BOY ALSO SPOKE OUT AGAINST THE MAY 1ST BOYCOTTS AND WORK STOPPAGE. 

 

"IF PEOPLE STOP WORKING FOR A DAY," HE EXPLAINED, "WE MIGHT HAVE LESS CARS ON THE ROAD.  THAT COULD CREATE AN ENERGY CRISIS.  I'M DEALING WITH GLOBAL WARMING BY REDUCING THE EMISSIONS LAWS.  PEOPLE NEED TO DEAL WITH THE RISING PRICE OF GAS BY GOING ABOUT THEIR DAILY BUSINESS IN AS MANY CARS AS POSSIBLE.  GET ON THE ROAD, DRIVE TO WORK.  DRIVE FROM WORK.  DRIVE AROUND YOUR CITY.  USE THE GAS.  THAT'S HOW WE CONFRONT AN ENERGY CRISIS.  ME AND DICK [CHENEY] ARE SERIOUSLY DISCUSSING USING NUKES ON PEOPLE WHO RIDE BUSES.  IF WE DON'T CONFRONT THE ENEMY IN FRONT OF US, HE MIGHT SNEAK UP BEHIND US.  DICK SAYS THEY GIVE WEDGIES AND WET WILLIES AND I AM THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD SO I'LL BE DADGUMMED IF ANY ONE'S GOING TO DO THAT TO ME.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.  GOD BLESS AMERICA.  VOTE FOR ME IN 2006.  GOD BLESS YOU."

 

WHEN NEW WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG TONY SNOW WAS ASKED ABOUT THE "VOTE FOR ME IN 2006" COMMENT, HE REPLIED, "THE BULLY BOY IS ALWAYS RUNNING.  HE IS A MAN OF ACTION.  HE NEVER STOPS."

 

WHEN PRODDED FURTHER, WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SNOW REFUSED TO CONCEED THAT THE BULLY BOY HAD MISPOKEN. 

 

"OUR LEADER DOES NOT MISSPEAK," INSISTED SNOW.  "THE PEOPLE MAY MISHEAR, BUT BULLY BOY NEVER MISSPEAKS.  IN FACT IT IS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TO BLAME FOR US BEING IN IRAQ.  THEY MISHEARD.  THE BULLY BOY DID NOT MISPEAK."

 

SOME WAGS ARE LABELING IT: "FOX COMES TO THE WHITE HOUSE."

 

 

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---

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THIS JUST IN! "BROKEBACK EACH OTHER'S MOUNTAINS!" SCREAMS SNOW

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

"BROKEBACK EACH OTHER'S MOUNTAINS!" SCREAMS SNOW.

 

FOLLOWING YESTERDAY'S NEWS THAT BULLY BOY HAD TAPPED IT, TONY SNOW -- SOON TO BE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY AND CUDDLY PET --

ATTEMPTED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT HE IS NOT JUST A BULLY BOY BEEOCH. 

 

DESPITE THIS, PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKER AND YENTA, BILLY KRISTOL PRONOUNCED THE NEW RELATIONSHIP AS "HEALTHY."  KRISTOL WENT ON TO DESCRIBE TONY SNOW AS "A HAPPY GO-LUCKY GUY" BUT REFUSED ANY FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS ATTEMPTING TO DETERMINE IF HE WAS SPEAKING "IN CODE."

 

WHEN ASKED WHAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP HE WAS STRIVING FOR, TONY SNOW REMINDED REPORTERS OF HIS COLUMN WHERE HE USED THE WORD "SIR" TO ADDRESS THE BULLY BOY.  CLEARLY SNOW IS HOPING TO BE THE MARCI TO BULLY BOY'S PEPPERMINT PATTI.  WHILE CONDI RICE'S HAIR CLEARLY MAKES HER LUCY, THE CASTING OF LINUS IS STILL UP IN THE AIR.  DEVELOPING.

 

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY TAPS IT!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY TAPS IT!

 

"HE WILL BRING A LOT . . .," SOON TO BE FORMER WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN BEGAN BEFORE BREAKING INTO SOBS AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING REPLACED IN BULLY BOY'S HEART BY TV PERSONALITY TONY SNOW WHO BULLY BOY HAS TAPPED TO FILL SCOTTY'S CHAIN-LINK COLLAR.

 

WHILE THIS ROUND OF AMERICAN IDOLATRY PLAYED OUT WITH ALL THE SNAP OF A CLAY AIKEN SONG, BULLY BOY COULD BE SEEN GLOATING WITH TV PERSONALITY TONY SNOW. 

 

"HIS ONLY REAL AMBITION," CONFESSED 1 CLOSE FRIEND, "WAS TO BE CENTER SQUARE ON THE HOLLYWOOD SQAURES.  THEN BULLY BOY TAPPED IT AND NOW THAT'S ALL TONY CAN THINK ABOUT IT."

 

"WHICH MUST BE WHY," OFFERED SOMEONE WHO ASKED TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS BUT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT SCOTT MCCLELLAN, "HE USES THOSE CHEAP CREST STRIPTS FOR HIS FRONT TEETH ONLY."

 

WHILE IT IS TRUE THAT TONY SNOW'S TEETH ARE FAR MORE YELLOW ON THE SIDE, BULLY BOY PRESS HAS BEEN UNABLE TO CONFIRM WHETHER OR NOT SNOW USES CREST-STRIPS.

 

BULLY BOY WAS SEEN STRUTTING THROUGH THE WHITE HOUSE, BACK SLAPPING, AND HOLLERING, "HOOO-WEEE! TAPPED IT!"

 

 

 

 

ANNOUNCEMENT FROM DANNY SCHECHTER:

 

SCHEDULE
Thanks for tuning in. I will be speaking in Boston at Emerson College on Friday at 7 PM. The film The Jihadi and the Journalist which I worked on opens at the Tribeca Film Festival on the 27th, and South African Broadcasting’s SABC 1 airs on April 26th on SABC 1 at 9 PM. Amandla!

 

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---

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THIS JUST IN! THE DEALER IN CHIEF

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

THE DEALER IN CHIEF!

TODAY, AT THE RENEWABLE FUELS ASSOCIATION, BULLY BOY SAID, "OUR ADDICTION TO OIL IS A MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS."

THEREFORE, BULLY BOY WILL BE LOWERING ENVIRONMENTAL GUIDELINES BECAUSE "EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS."

SAME THING THE DEALER ON THE CORNER OUTSIDE THE MIDDLE SCHOOL SAYS.



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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY NEEDS HELP COUNTING!

BULLY BOY PRESS - IRVINE, CA.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY NEEDS HELP COUNTING!

SPEAKING IN IRVINE, CALIFORNIA TODAY, BULLY BOY, THE OFFICIAL BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES, ATTEMPTED TO GRAB A LITTLE OF THE IMMIGRATION HEADLINES TO SPIN PEOPLE'S ATTENTION FROM IRAQ.

WHEN THAT DID NOT WORK, BULLY BOY STATED THAT ON THE LARGER ISSUES, HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN, BUT MAYBE THERE WERE SOME MISSTEPS ALONG THE WAY.

MISSTEPS?

MAYBE 2389 MISSTEPS?

HAVING LOST IN THE POLLS, SPECULATIONS ABOUND ABOUT THE BULLY BOY. ONE IS "WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT HE IS CORNERED?" THE OTHER IS "HAS HE LOST IT?"

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---

THIS JUST IN! FREE SPEECH DIED TODAY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

FREE SPEECH DIED TODAY!

 

THURSDAY, AT A JOINT APPEARANCE BY BULLY BOY AND UP AND COMING BULLY BOY WANNA' BE HU JINTAO, A WOMAN

 

WANG WENYI WAS CHARGED TODAY FOR THE CRIME OF HECKLING.  AMONG THE OFFICIAL MISDEMEANOR CHARGES LODGED AGAINST WENYI ARE "WILLFULLY INTIMIDATING, COERCING THREATENING AND HARRASSING A FOREIGN OFFICIAL."

 

INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE WINNER AND ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES IS REPORTED TO HAVE DECLARED,  "FREE SPEECH ONLY BELONGS TO THE GOVERNMENT!  DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO THE SUPREME COURT CASE ON RECRUITERS!"

 

TERRORISM BY HECKLES IS EXPECTED TO BE ENFORCED AT ALL APPEARANCES BY THE ADMINISTRATION AS WELL AS IN SOME OF THE SEEDIER LOUNGES IN LAS VEGAS.

 

JACKIE MASON WAS REPORTED TO HAVE SHOUTED, "ABOUT DAMN TIME!"

 

WITH HECKLING NOW ON THE LIST OF TERRORISM CRIMES, LEGAL EXPERTS EXPECT IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE PARODY, SATIRE AND KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES ARE ALSO BANNED.

 

AT A PLAYGROUND NEAR FOGGY BOTTOM TODAY, ATF AGENTS COULD BE SEEN OBSERVING THE KIDS AND ISSUING STERN LOOKS TO ANY CHILD WHO DARED TO SAY "KNOCK-KNOCK."

 

THE CHILLING INTIMIDATION LED TO NO RESPONSES OF "WHO'S THERE?" 

 

AS THE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE GOES, SO GOES AMERICA.

 

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THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!

 

ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES AND NATIONAL, AS WELL AS INTERNATIONAL, WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE CONTEST ALBERTO GONZALES FEELS A LITTLE NEGLETED WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD AND THE EVICTED WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY.

 

AS A RESULT, GONZALES HAS SET OUT ON A SHAMELESS ATTEMPT TO SELF-PROMOTE HIMSELF WITH A ZEAL THAT HAS NOT BEEN SINCE MADONNA GOT ALL FREAKY ON BOOKS, SONG AND FILM.

 

SPEAKING TODAY PUBLICLY, ALBERTO GONZALES DECLARED, "I HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF OLDER MEN FORCING NAKED YOUNG GIRLS TO HAVE ANAL SEX."

 

THOUGH THE NEW REVEALED POTTY MOUTH ON THE ATTORNEY GENERAL MAY GARNER HIM SOME ATTENTION MANY WONDER A) WHAT THE AG IS DOING SPEAKING IN THAT MANNER AND B) IF HE REALLY SHOULD BE SHARING WHAT HE LOOKS AT ONLINE?

 

THE SELF-PROMOTION IS INTENDED TO RAISE HIS OWN PROFILE, HENCE IT'S CODENAME "MADONNA UP," AND ALSO TO TAKE HEAT OFF DONALD RUMSFELD. 

 

SAID PROFESSIONAL CREEP JERRY FALWELL, "I LIKE IT.  I LIKE IT A LOT.  EVER SINCE MADONNA STARTED POPPING OUT BABIES, THERE'S NOT BEEN A LOT OF ME TO GET WORKED UP OVER."

 

 

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---

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!

 

NO NOT BARNEY! 

 

THE OFFICIAL LAP DOG, SCOTTY MCCLELLAN.

 

SCOTTY'S BEEN IN TROUBLE FOR SOME TIME AND BEEN SNAPPISH AS A RESULT.  THERE WAS THE ARM WRESTLING WITH CONDI TO SEE TO SEE WHO GOT TO KEEP THE FIRST CODPIECE.  THERE WAS THAT DRUNKEN WOMAN WHO KEPT SHOWING UP TO HECKLE THE BULLY BOY.  BUT IF SCOTTY'S FATE WAS SEALED IT CAME WHEN BULLY BOY WENT TO CANADA AND MET SCOTT REID.

 

"WELL YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE," BULLY BOY TOLD REID GIVING HIM THE SLOW ONCE OVER.  "YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE.  YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKING GUY.  BETTER LOOKING THAN MY SCOTT ANYWAY."

 

PRETTIER AND YOUNGER, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THINNER.  BULLY BOY DON'T LIKE A FAT BOY.

 

SINCE THAT DAY, BULLY BOY'S BEEN SINGING HIS OWN VERSION OF JAMES TAYLOR'S "MONA:"

 

SCOTTY, SCOTTY

SO MUCH OF YOU TO LOVE

TOO MUCH OF YOU TAKE CARE OF

SCOTTY, SCOTTY

YOU GOT TOO BIG TO KEEP

AND TOO DAMN OLD TO EAT

 

 

SCOTTY LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY, TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS, WHIMPERING, "ALL OF US SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT."

 

 

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scott mcclellan

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mikey likes it

 

 

 

---

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THIS JUST IN! RUMSFELD NEW CAREER MOVE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

RUMSFELD'S NEW CAREER MOVE!

WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON JULIA ROBERTS AND HER UPCOMING BROADWAY DEBUT, LITTLE ATTENTION IS BEING PAID TO SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD'S BRAVO PERFORMANCE.

IN ADDITION TO HIS DEFENSE DUTIES AS WELL AS SQUINTING, DONALD RUMSFELD HAS TAKEN ON THE ROLE OF EFFIE WHITE.

AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS OWN BROADWAY DEBUT (DATE STILL UNANNOUNCED AS HE CONTINUES OUT OF TOWN TRY OUTS), DONALD CAN BE HEARD SINGING HIS SIGNATURE TUNE: "AND I AM TELLING YOU I'M NOT GOING."

DAY AFTER DAY, RUMSFELD CAN BE FOUND ALL OVER DC SINGING THE SAME TUNE AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS ROLE AS EFFIE WHITE IN THE REVIVAL OF DREAMGIRLS.

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---

THIS JUST IN! VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!

"HOLLWOOD MAY HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY G*****N, F*****G OSCAR, BUT I'LL BE G*****N IF I'LL SHARE MY TUNE-TIME WITH THAT LITTLE MUTHA F****R!" NOTORIUS DICK WAS HEARD TO HOLLA.

DESPITE HIS OSCAR NOMINATION AND THE FACT THAT THE FILM WILL BE PLAYING SOON IN IRAN, BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY BROUGHT NOTORIUS DICK NO NEW FILM OFFERS -- AND BEING 1/4 OF THE BULLIES AND THE TYRANTS ISN'T THE SAME AS BEING A SOLO ACT.

"HE'S JEALOUS," EXPLAINED DICKIE MYERS. "HE'S JUST JEALOUS. HE WON'T EVEN LET ME RECORD UNDER THE NAME 'DICK' SO I HAVE TO USE 'DICKIE."

MYERS, THE FORMER JOINT CHIEFS CHAIRMAN, IS NOW BARNSTORMING THE CHAT & CHEWS, SINGING A SONG HE HOPES IS A HUGE HIT.

EXPLAINING THAT IT WAS "INAPPROPRIATE" FOR EX GENERALS TO CRITICIZE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD, DICKIE MYERS SMILED INTO THE CAMERA AND STATED, "THIS ONES IS FOR YOU DONNIE!"

AS THE CAMERA PULLED BACK, DICKIE STOOD BEHIND A FENDER COMTEMPO ORGAN WHICH HE BEGAN POUNDING ON. AS STROBE LIGHTS FLASHED AND SMOKE EFFECTS WAFTED, THREE WOMEN CAME OUT ON STAGE TO DANCE BEHIND HIM WHILE HE SANG:

Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, no
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
I love him so
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, don't you know
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
He's good (he's good), he's good to me (good to me)
That's all I care about
Oh, no

AS DICKIE COMPLETED THE GERRY GOFFIN & CAROL KING CLASSIC, GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS WALKED ON TO THE STAGE TO SHAKE DICKIE'S HAND AND EXPLAIN THAT DICKIE WOULD LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT HAD TO RUSH TO THE NEXT STOP ON HIS TOUR.

"NO GRAVITAS," SNARLED ORIGINAL THUGSTER DICK CHENEY. "THE GUYS DON'T LIKE HIM, THE DOLLS KNOW THEY CAN BEAT HIM UP. I CAN EAT, CHEW UP AND THEN CRAP OUT THESE FRANKIE AVALON TYPES IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES. GOTTA ROUGH NECK UP! YOU FEEL ME, YOU FEEL ME? HOLLA!"

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---

THIS JUST IN! THEY'RE LOSING IT IN DC!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC

THIS JUST IN!

THEY'RE LOSING IT IN DC!

BULLY BOY HAS MADE A FANATICAL CLAIM THAT HAS SOME WORRIED ABOUT THE SANITY LEVEL IN THE OVAL OFFICE. BULLY BOY HAS STATED THAT HARRY REID, THE SENATE'S MINORITY LEADER, IS "SINGLE-HANDEDLY THWARTING" HIS ATTEMPTS TO CRIMINALIZE UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS. THOSE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THE SANITY LEVEL OF THE BULLY BOY MERELY CHUCKLE AT THE THOUGHT OF SUPER BENDY "THWARTING" ANYTHING.

IN OTHER NEWS OF THE ADMINISTRATION'S SINKING SHIP, LAURA BUSH HAS HIT THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL IN AN ATTEMPT TO . . . WELL NO ONE REALLY KNOWS. JUST ANOTHER CASE OF SEND IN THE FEMBOT!

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---

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GOT SOME HARD LEARNING DISABILITIES!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY GOT SOME HARD LEARNING DISABILITIES!

WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN DECLARED TODAY, "THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOT AN INTELLIGENCE-GATHERING AGENCY."

ON MAY 29, 2003, BULLY BOY STATED, "WE HAVE FOUND THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION."

THAT WAS NOT TRUE.

TWO DAYS PRIOR TO THAT ANNOUNCEMENT, A PENTAGON TEAM HAD CONCLUDED THIS WAS NOT TRUE. THE REPORT WAS SENT BACK TO THE BULLY BOY. HOWEVER, IT DID NOT CONTAIN ILLUSTRATIONS.

"ARE THERE ANY GOATS IN THIS?" BULLY BOY ASKED AT THE TIME WHEN THE REPORT WAS HANDED TO HIM. "I LIKE PET GOATS. AND TURTLES. DICK LOOKS LIKE A TURTLE. HE LOOKS LIKE A SNAPPING TURTLE. HE'S AWAYS READY TO BARK. MAYBE HE'S A DOG? I LIKE DOGS. ESPECIALLY LITTLE DOGS THAT I CAN CARRY AROUND LIKE A CLUTCH PURSE. MAMA DID NOT LIKE IT WHEN I DRESSED UP LIKE HER WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID. 'GEORGE! GET OUT OF MY SHOES! GEORGE PUT MY BRA BACK IN THE DRAWER!' IT WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH HER. WHY DO SOME PEOPLE SAY 'BRA' AND SOME PEOPLE SAY 'BRO'? YOU EVER WONDER THAT? OR LIKE WHAT ABOUT THE WAY THE WALLS ARE MOVING RIGHT NOW. PRETTY COOL, HUH?"

SPOKESPERSON AND LAP DOG SCOTTY ASSURED THE PRESS THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ON DRUGS BUT JUST HAD A HIGHLY "INQUISITIVE NATURE."

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---

THIS JUST IN! IT TAKES A VILLAGE OF CREEPS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

IT TAKES A VILLAGE OF CREEPS!

 

WHILE ALL FINGERS CONTINUE TO POINT TO BULLY BOY AS THE LEAKER IN THE CHIEF IN THE OUTING OF VALERIE PLAME, PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING TO NOTE THE BULLY BOY POSSE.

 

CHIEF AMONG THOSE GETTING ATTENTION IS JAMES TOBIN WHO IS KNOWN NOT JUST AS BULLY BOY'S "CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN FOR THE NEW ENGLAND REGION IN 2004" BUT ALSO ONE OF THREE CONVICTED IN THE PLAN TO JAME DEMOCRATIC PHONE LINES DURING THE 2002 ELECTION. 

 

BUT BULLY BOY REMINDED THAT THERE WAS ROOM IN THE CORRUPTION BIG TENT FOR ALL.  LIKE BRIAN J. DOYLE THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY DEPUTY PRESS SECRETARY WHO WAS ARRESTED LAST WEEK AND "CHARGED WITH SEVEN COUNTS OF USE OF A COMPUTER TO SEDUCE A CHILD, AND 16 COUNTS OF TRANSMISSION OF HARMFUL MATERIAL TO A MINOR."

 

OR CLAUDE ALLEN WHO APPARENTLY HAD HIS OWN VERSION OF THE BAIT & SWITCH GOING ON.

 

AND, OF COURSE, THE ONE AND ONLY SCOOTS LIBBY.

 

BULLY BOY WAS HEARD TO REMARK,  "IF I END UP IN PRISON, I'LL HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS THERE.  WHERE'S KENNY BOY?"

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! THE BIG DRIP BECOMES THE BIG LEAK!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN! 

 

THE BIG DRIP BECOMES THE BIG LEAK!

 

 

 

 

THROUGHT THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA AND THE HALLS OF CONGRESS TONGUES WON'T STOP WAGGING OVER THE REVELATIONS OF SCOOTER LIBBY BEING AUTHORIZED BY THE WHITE HOUSE TO LEAK.

 

SOME CALL HIM THE "LEAKER IN CHIEF"  WHILE SOME CALL HIM UNPRINTABLES.  SENATOR ARLEN SPECTER CALLS ON HIM TO EXPLAIN THE LEAK.

 

NOT SINCE THE DOG WET ON THE SANDWICHES AUNT EDNA ATE IN THE MOVIE VACATION HAS A LEAK GOTTEN SO MUCH ATTENTION.

 

NO CONFIRMATION YET ON WHETHER OR NOT DONALD RUMSFELD HAS REALLY CALLED BULLY BOY A "BED WETTER."

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS "DO AS I COMMAND NOT AS I DO."

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY SAYS "DO AS I COMMAND NOT AS I DO."

HAVING COMPLAINED ABOUT LEAKS REPEATEDLY, DC IS A BUZZ TO LEARN THAT SCOOTS LIBBY WAS AUTHORIZED TO LEAK BY THE BULLY BOY.

BULLY BOY ON LEAKS, SEPTEMBER 2003:

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Let me just say something about leaks in Washington. There are too many leaks of classified information in Washington. There's leaks at the executive branch; there's leaks in the legislative branch. There's just too many leaks. And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of.

AND:

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I know of nobody -- I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information. If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action. And this investigation is a good thing.

And again I repeat, you know, Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information -- outside the administration. And we can clarify this thing very quickly if people who have got solid evidence would come forward and speak out. And I would hope they would.

And then we'll get to the bottom of this and move on. But I want to tell you something -- leaks of classified information are a bad thing. And we've had them

-- there's too much leaking in Washington. That's just the way it is. And we've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them and I want to know who the leakers are.

WHITE HOUSE STAFF WAS OBSERVED DRAWING STRAWS AT THE END OF THE DAY TO DETERMINE WHO WOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO BULLY BOY FRIDAY MORNING THAT HE WAS THE LEAK.

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THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS HE WON'T STEP DOWN!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BULLY BOY SAYS HE WON'T STEP DOWN!

 

IN DC, BULLY BOY IS RESISTING A US-BACKED EFFORT TO BRING ABOUT HIS RESIGNATION.  IN AN INTERVIEW WITH THE GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER, BULLY BOY SAID HE HAD BEEN ELECTED DEMOCRATICALLY AND WOULD NOT STEP DOWN.  . . . 

 

WAIT, THAT'S NOT BULLY BOY!

 

AS IT APPEARED IN IT'S ORIGINAL FORM:

 

Iraq PM Says He Won’t Step Down
In Iraq, Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari is resisting a US-backed effort to bring about his resignation. In an interview with the Guardian newspaper, al-Jaafari said he had been elected democratically and would not step down. Last week the U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Zalmay Khalilzad notified Shiite politicians President Bush no longer supported al-Jaafari and wanted a new leader. Meanwhile, a key Iraqi leader is backing the US stance. In an interview with the BBC, Vice President Adil Abdul-Mahdi said he has urged al-Jaafari to give up his position because he has lost the confidence of Iraq’s Sunnis and Kurds. Abdul-Mahdi is the most senior Shiite government official to call on al-Jaafari to resign.

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! TOM DELAY WANTS TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

TOM DELAY SAYS HE'S STEPPING DOWN TO HELP OUT SOMEONE ELSE.  TO HELP OUT SOMEONE ELSE?

 

 

 

 

 

MAYBE CHILDREN WILL BELIEVE IT.

 

 

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THIS JUST IN! BAD DAYS FOR BULLY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

 

THIS JUST IN!

 

BAD DAYS FOR BULLY!

 

BULLY BOY HAS GONE FROM TEFLON MAN TO S**T SOAKER.

 

IN THESE BAD DAYS FOR BULLY, EVEN HIS LAP DOGS START TO BITE AS THEY TRY TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN BULLY BOY AND THEMSELVES IN TIME FOR THE 2006 CONGRESSIONAL ELECTIONS.

 

BULLY BOY WHINED THAT THE LOSE OF HIS FOLLOWERS MADE ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS THE ELECTRICITY GOING OFF TODAY IN THE U.S. CAPITOL WHICH WAS THEN EVACUATED.

 

"I JUST DON'T GET IT,"  BULLY BOY WHINED.  "NOW I EVEN GOT TO BRIEF CONGRESS ABOUT WHAT I AM PUSHING. . . . WELL REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS."

 

BULLY BOY WAS REFERRING TO A "NO-BID $6 MILLION CONTRACT [WHICH] REPRESENTS THE FIRST TIME A FOREIGN COMPANY WILL BE INVOLVED IN RUNNING SOPHISTICATED U.S. RADIATION-DETECTION EQUIPMENT AT AN OVERSEAS PORT WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF U.S. CUSTOMS AGENTS."

 

"THINGS ARE TOUGH," ACKNOWLEDGED BULLY BOY, "I CAN'T EVEN GET CHARLES TAYLOR ON SPEED DIAL AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING I THROW LIKE A GIRL."

 

 

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