Thursday, April 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
ALBERTO GONZALES IN THE MIDST OF MADONNA UP!
 
ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES AND NATIONAL, AS WELL AS INTERNATIONAL, WINNER IN THE BILLIE JEAN KING LOOKALIKE CONTEST ALBERTO GONZALES FEELS A LITTLE NEGLETED WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD AND THE EVICTED WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY.
 
AS A RESULT, GONZALES HAS SET OUT ON A SHAMELESS ATTEMPT TO SELF-PROMOTE HIMSELF WITH A ZEAL THAT HAS NOT BEEN SINCE MADONNA GOT ALL FREAKY ON BOOKS, SONG AND FILM.
 
SPEAKING TODAY PUBLICLY, ALBERTO GONZALES DECLARED, "I HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF OLDER MEN FORCING NAKED YOUNG GIRLS TO HAVE ANAL SEX."
 
THOUGH THE NEW REVEALED POTTY MOUTH ON THE ATTORNEY GENERAL MAY GARNER HIM SOME ATTENTION MANY WONDER A) WHAT THE AG IS DOING SPEAKING IN THAT MANNER AND B) IF HE REALLY SHOULD BE SHARING WHAT HE LOOKS AT ONLINE?
 
THE SELF-PROMOTION IS INTENDED TO RAISE HIS OWN PROFILE, HENCE IT'S CODENAME "MADONNA UP," AND ALSO TO TAKE HEAT OFF DONALD RUMSFELD. 
 
SAID PROFESSIONAL CREEP JERRY FALWELL, "I LIKE IT.  I LIKE IT A LOT.  EVER SINCE MADONNA STARTED POPPING OUT BABIES, THERE'S NOT BEEN A LOT OF ME TO GET WORKED UP OVER."
 
 
 

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY CUTS THE WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG LOOSE!
 
NO NOT BARNEY! 
 
THE OFFICIAL LAP DOG, SCOTTY MCCLELLAN.
 
SCOTTY'S BEEN IN TROUBLE FOR SOME TIME AND BEEN SNAPPISH AS A RESULT.  THERE WAS THE ARM WRESTLING WITH CONDI TO SEE TO SEE WHO GOT TO KEEP THE FIRST CODPIECE.  THERE WAS THAT DRUNKEN WOMAN WHO KEPT SHOWING UP TO HECKLE THE BULLY BOY.  BUT IF SCOTTY'S FATE WAS SEALED IT CAME WHEN BULLY BOY WENT TO CANADA AND MET SCOTT REID.
 
"WELL YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE," BULLY BOY TOLD REID GIVING HIM THE SLOW ONCE OVER.  "YOU GOT A PRETTY FACE.  YOU'RE A GOOD LOOKING GUY.  BETTER LOOKING THAN MY SCOTT ANYWAY."
 
PRETTIER AND YOUNGER, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THINNER.  BULLY BOY DON'T LIKE A FAT BOY.
 
SINCE THAT DAY, BULLY BOY'S BEEN SINGING HIS OWN VERSION OF JAMES TAYLOR'S "MONA:"
 
SCOTTY, SCOTTY
SO MUCH OF YOU TO LOVE
TOO MUCH OF YOU TAKE CARE OF
SCOTTY, SCOTTY
YOU GOT TOO BIG TO KEEP
AND TOO DAMN OLD TO EAT
 
 
SCOTTY LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY, TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS, WHIMPERING, "ALL OF US SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

THIS JUST IN! RUMSFELD NEW CAREER MOVE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
RUMSFELD'S NEW CAREER MOVE!
WITH ALL THE ATTENTION ON JULIA ROBERTS AND HER UPCOMING BROADWAY DEBUT, LITTLE ATTENTION IS BEING PAID TO SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD'S BRAVO PERFORMANCE.
IN ADDITION TO HIS DEFENSE DUTIES AS WELL AS SQUINTING, DONALD RUMSFELD HAS TAKEN ON THE ROLE OF EFFIE WHITE.
AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS OWN BROADWAY DEBUT (DATE STILL UNANNOUNCED AS HE CONTINUES OUT OF TOWN TRY OUTS), DONALD CAN BE HEARD SINGING HIS SIGNATURE TUNE: "AND I AM TELLING YOU I'M NOT GOING."
DAY AFTER DAY, RUMSFELD CAN BE FOUND ALL OVER DC SINGING THE SAME TUNE AS HE GEARS UP FOR HIS ROLE AS EFFIE WHITE IN THE REVIVAL OF DREAMGIRLS.

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Monday, April 17, 2006

THIS JUST IN! VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY IS FURIOUS!
"HOLLWOOD MAY HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY G*****N, F*****G OSCAR, BUT I'LL BE G*****N IF I'LL SHARE MY TUNE-TIME WITH THAT LITTLE MUTHA F****R!" NOTORIUS DICK WAS HEARD TO HOLLA.
DESPITE HIS OSCAR NOMINATION AND THE FACT THAT THE FILM WILL BE PLAYING SOON IN IRAN, BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY BROUGHT NOTORIUS DICK NO NEW FILM OFFERS -- AND BEING 1/4 OF THE BULLIES AND THE TYRANTS ISN'T THE SAME AS BEING A SOLO ACT.
"HE'S JEALOUS," EXPLAINED DICKIE MYERS. "HE'S JUST JEALOUS. HE WON'T EVEN LET ME RECORD UNDER THE NAME 'DICK' SO I HAVE TO USE 'DICKIE."
MYERS, THE FORMER JOINT CHIEFS CHAIRMAN, IS NOW BARNSTORMING THE CHAT & CHEWS, SINGING A SONG HE HOPES IS A HUGE HIT.
EXPLAINING THAT IT WAS "INAPPROPRIATE" FOR EX GENERALS TO CRITICIZE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE DONALD RUMSFELD, DICKIE MYERS SMILED INTO THE CAMERA AND STATED, "THIS ONES IS FOR YOU DONNIE!"
AS THE CAMERA PULLED BACK, DICKIE STOOD BEHIND A FENDER COMTEMPO ORGAN WHICH HE BEGAN POUNDING ON. AS STROBE LIGHTS FLASHED AND SMOKE EFFECTS WAFTED, THREE WOMEN CAME OUT ON STAGE TO DANCE BEHIND HIM WHILE HE SANG:
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, no
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
I love him so
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
Oh, don't you know
Don't say nothin' bad about my baby
He's good (he's good), he's good to me (good to me)
That's all I care about
Oh, no
AS DICKIE COMPLETED THE GERRY GOFFIN & CAROL KING CLASSIC, GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS WALKED ON TO THE STAGE TO SHAKE DICKIE'S HAND AND EXPLAIN THAT DICKIE WOULD LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT HAD TO RUSH TO THE NEXT STOP ON HIS TOUR.
"NO GRAVITAS," SNARLED ORIGINAL THUGSTER DICK CHENEY. "THE GUYS DON'T LIKE HIM, THE DOLLS KNOW THEY CAN BEAT HIM UP. I CAN EAT, CHEW UP AND THEN CRAP OUT THESE FRANKIE AVALON TYPES IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES. GOTTA ROUGH NECK UP! YOU FEEL ME, YOU FEEL ME? HOLLA!"
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Friday, April 14, 2006

THIS JUST IN! THEY'RE LOSING IT IN DC!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
THIS JUST IN!
THEY'RE LOSING IT IN DC!
BULLY BOY HAS MADE A FANATICAL CLAIM THAT HAS SOME WORRIED ABOUT THE SANITY LEVEL IN THE OVAL OFFICE. BULLY BOY HAS STATED THAT HARRY REID, THE SENATE'S MINORITY LEADER, IS "SINGLE-HANDEDLY THWARTING" HIS ATTEMPTS TO CRIMINALIZE UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS. THOSE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THE SANITY LEVEL OF THE BULLY BOY MERELY CHUCKLE AT THE THOUGHT OF SUPER BENDY "THWARTING" ANYTHING.
IN OTHER NEWS OF THE ADMINISTRATION'S SINKING SHIP, LAURA BUSH HAS HIT THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL IN AN ATTEMPT TO . . . WELL NO ONE REALLY KNOWS. JUST ANOTHER CASE OF SEND IN THE FEMBOT!

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY GOT SOME HARD LEARNING DISABILITIES!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
THIS JUST IN!
BULLY BOY GOT SOME HARD LEARNING DISABILITIES!
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN DECLARED TODAY, "THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOT AN INTELLIGENCE-GATHERING AGENCY."
ON MAY 29, 2003, BULLY BOY STATED, "WE HAVE FOUND THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION."
THAT WAS NOT TRUE.
TWO DAYS PRIOR TO THAT ANNOUNCEMENT, A PENTAGON TEAM HAD CONCLUDED THIS WAS NOT TRUE. THE REPORT WAS SENT BACK TO THE BULLY BOY. HOWEVER, IT DID NOT CONTAIN ILLUSTRATIONS.
"ARE THERE ANY GOATS IN THIS?" BULLY BOY ASKED AT THE TIME WHEN THE REPORT WAS HANDED TO HIM. "I LIKE PET GOATS. AND TURTLES. DICK LOOKS LIKE A TURTLE. HE LOOKS LIKE A SNAPPING TURTLE. HE'S AWAYS READY TO BARK. MAYBE HE'S A DOG? I LIKE DOGS. ESPECIALLY LITTLE DOGS THAT I CAN CARRY AROUND LIKE A CLUTCH PURSE. MAMA DID NOT LIKE IT WHEN I DRESSED UP LIKE HER WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID. 'GEORGE! GET OUT OF MY SHOES! GEORGE PUT MY BRA BACK IN THE DRAWER!' IT WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH HER. WHY DO SOME PEOPLE SAY 'BRA' AND SOME PEOPLE SAY 'BRO'? YOU EVER WONDER THAT? OR LIKE WHAT ABOUT THE WAY THE WALLS ARE MOVING RIGHT NOW. PRETTY COOL, HUH?"
SPOKESPERSON AND LAP DOG SCOTTY ASSURED THE PRESS THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ON DRUGS BUT JUST HAD A HIGHLY "INQUISITIVE NATURE."

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

THIS JUST IN! IT TAKES A VILLAGE OF CREEPS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
IT TAKES A VILLAGE OF CREEPS!
 
WHILE ALL FINGERS CONTINUE TO POINT TO BULLY BOY AS THE LEAKER IN THE CHIEF IN THE OUTING OF VALERIE PLAME, PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING TO NOTE THE BULLY BOY POSSE.
 
CHIEF AMONG THOSE GETTING ATTENTION IS JAMES TOBIN WHO IS KNOWN NOT JUST AS BULLY BOY'S "CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN FOR THE NEW ENGLAND REGION IN 2004" BUT ALSO ONE OF THREE CONVICTED IN THE PLAN TO JAME DEMOCRATIC PHONE LINES DURING THE 2002 ELECTION. 
 
BUT BULLY BOY REMINDED THAT THERE WAS ROOM IN THE CORRUPTION BIG TENT FOR ALL.  LIKE BRIAN J. DOYLE THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY DEPUTY PRESS SECRETARY WHO WAS ARRESTED LAST WEEK AND "CHARGED WITH SEVEN COUNTS OF USE OF A COMPUTER TO SEDUCE A CHILD, AND 16 COUNTS OF TRANSMISSION OF HARMFUL MATERIAL TO A MINOR."
 
OR CLAUDE ALLEN WHO APPARENTLY HAD HIS OWN VERSION OF THE BAIT & SWITCH GOING ON.
 
AND, OF COURSE, THE ONE AND ONLY SCOOTS LIBBY.
 
BULLY BOY WAS HEARD TO REMARK,  "IF I END UP IN PRISON, I'LL HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS THERE.  WHERE'S KENNY BOY?"
 
 

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Monday, April 10, 2006

THIS JUST IN! THE BIG DRIP BECOMES THE BIG LEAK!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN! 
 
THE BIG DRIP BECOMES THE BIG LEAK!
 
 
 
 
THROUGHT THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA AND THE HALLS OF CONGRESS TONGUES WON'T STOP WAGGING OVER THE REVELATIONS OF SCOOTER LIBBY BEING AUTHORIZED BY THE WHITE HOUSE TO LEAK.
 
SOME CALL HIM THE "LEAKER IN CHIEF"  WHILE SOME CALL HIM UNPRINTABLES.  SENATOR ARLEN SPECTER CALLS ON HIM TO EXPLAIN THE LEAK.
 
NOT SINCE THE DOG WET ON THE SANDWICHES AUNT EDNA ATE IN THE MOVIE VACATION HAS A LEAK GOTTEN SO MUCH ATTENTION.
 
NO CONFIRMATION YET ON WHETHER OR NOT DONALD RUMSFELD HAS REALLY CALLED BULLY BOY A "BED WETTER."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS "DO AS I COMMAND NOT AS I DO."

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.

THIS JUST IN!

BULLY BOY SAYS "DO AS I COMMAND NOT AS I DO."

HAVING COMPLAINED ABOUT LEAKS REPEATEDLY, DC IS A BUZZ TO LEARN THAT SCOOTS LIBBY WAS AUTHORIZED TO LEAK BY THE BULLY BOY.

BULLY BOY ON LEAKS, SEPTEMBER 2003:

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Let me just say something about leaks in Washington. There are too many leaks of classified information in Washington. There's leaks at the executive branch; there's leaks in the legislative branch. There's just too many leaks. And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of.

AND:

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I know of nobody -- I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information. If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action. And this investigation is a good thing.
And again I repeat, you know, Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information -- outside the administration. And we can clarify this thing very quickly if people who have got solid evidence would come forward and speak out. And I would hope they would.
And then we'll get to the bottom of this and move on. But I want to tell you something -- leaks of classified information are a bad thing. And we've had them
-- there's too much leaking in Washington. That's just the way it is. And we've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them and I want to know who the leakers are.
WHITE HOUSE STAFF WAS OBSERVED DRAWING STRAWS AT THE END OF THE DAY TO DETERMINE WHO WOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO BULLY BOY FRIDAY MORNING THAT HE WAS THE LEAK.
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS HE WON'T STEP DOWN!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SAYS HE WON'T STEP DOWN!
 
IN DC, BULLY BOY IS RESISTING A US-BACKED EFFORT TO BRING ABOUT HIS RESIGNATION.  IN AN INTERVIEW WITH THE GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER, BULLY BOY SAID HE HAD BEEN ELECTED DEMOCRATICALLY AND WOULD NOT STEP DOWN.  . . . 
 
WAIT, THAT'S NOT BULLY BOY!
 
 
Iraq PM Says He Won’t Step Down
In Iraq, Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari is resisting a US-backed effort to bring about his resignation. In an interview with the Guardian newspaper, al-Jaafari said he had been elected democratically and would not step down. Last week the U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Zalmay Khalilzad notified Shiite politicians President Bush no longer supported al-Jaafari and wanted a new leader. Meanwhile, a key Iraqi leader is backing the US stance. In an interview with the BBC, Vice President Adil Abdul-Mahdi said he has urged al-Jaafari to give up his position because he has lost the confidence of Iraq’s Sunnis and Kurds. Abdul-Mahdi is the most senior Shiite government official to call on al-Jaafari to resign.
 
 
 
 

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

THIS JUST IN! TOM DELAY WANTS TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
TOM DELAY SAYS HE'S STEPPING DOWN TO HELP OUT SOMEONE ELSE.  TO HELP OUT SOMEONE ELSE?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Monday, April 03, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BAD DAYS FOR BULLY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BAD DAYS FOR BULLY!
 
BULLY BOY HAS GONE FROM TEFLON MAN TO S**T SOAKER.
 
IN THESE BAD DAYS FOR BULLY, EVEN HIS LAP DOGS START TO BITE AS THEY TRY TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN BULLY BOY AND THEMSELVES IN TIME FOR THE 2006 CONGRESSIONAL ELECTIONS.
 
BULLY BOY WHINED THAT THE LOSE OF HIS FOLLOWERS MADE ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS THE ELECTRICITY GOING OFF TODAY IN THE U.S. CAPITOL WHICH WAS THEN EVACUATED.
 
"I JUST DON'T GET IT,"  BULLY BOY WHINED.  "NOW I EVEN GOT TO BRIEF CONGRESS ABOUT WHAT I AM PUSHING. . . . WELL REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS."
 
 
"THINGS ARE TOUGH," ACKNOWLEDGED BULLY BOY, "I CAN'T EVEN GET CHARLES TAYLOR ON SPEED DIAL AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING I THROW LIKE A GIRL."
 
 
 
 

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Friday, March 31, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CONDI SLAMS BULLY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - BLACKBURN, ENGLAND
 
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
CONDI SLAMS BULLY!
 
IN ENGLAND TODAY, SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE DUSTED OFF HER POETRY SKILLS DESPITE HAVING ONLY 2 THINGS ON HER MIND: SALAMI AND THE THREE-YEAR-OLD DEFENSE.
 
WITH REGARDS TO SALAMI, SECRETARY OF STATE RICE WAS APPARENTLY HUNGRY.
 
THE THREE-YEAR-OLD DEFENSE IS ONE THAT PARENTS ACROSS THE GLOBE ARE FAMILIAR WITH: 
 
"I DIDN'T DO IT.  BUT IT YOU CAN PROVE THAT I DID, IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS MY FAULT!
 
 
AS A FOLLOW UP TO HER DIPLOMATIC STRATEGY OF NAH-NAH-NAH-NO-ONE-LIKES-YOU! STRATEGY, IT IS BECOMING OBVIOUSLY CLEAR THAT EVERYTHING CONDI RICE KNOWS SHE LEARNED IN KINDERGARDEN, TRULY EVERYTHING.  AND NOTHING BUT.  SO HELP HER, BULLY.
 
THE DAY STARTED OUT NICELY ENOUGH WITH CONDI IN THE MIDST OF SHARING HER LATEST STAB AT FREE VERSE:
 
 
BUT THE CROWD REFUSED TO INDULGE HER HOBBY OR HER EGO.  AS QUESTIONS WERE SHOUTED OUT TO HER, IT WAS AS THOUGH SHE WAS SURROUNDED BY HUNDREDS OF HELEN THOMASES.
 
RESPONDING TO A QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT THOSE IN DC HAD LEARNED ANYTHING FROM THE "MISTAKES OVER THE PAST THREE YEARS,"
CONDI SNAPPED BACK THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO UNLESS YOU WERE "BRAIN-DEAD."
 
REALIZING HER MISTAKE, CONDI GASPED,  "OH MY BULLY!" AND CROSSED HERSELF TWICE BUT WORD FROM DC WAS THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT IN A FORGIVING MOMENT.
 
 
 
 
 

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Thursday, March 30, 2006

THIS JUST IN! SECRETARY OF STATE RICE TRIES NEW DIPLOMATIC STRATEGY

BULLY BOY PRESS - BERLIN.

Updated at 9:02 pm.

THIS JUST IN!

SECRETARY OF STATE RICE TRIES NEW DIPLOMATIC STRATEGY!

STATING THAT THE "INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY" WAS "UNITED" AGAINST IRAN'S NUCLEAR PROGRAM, CONDI RICE THEN PUT HER HANDS ON HER HIPS, LEANED IN, AND STUCK HER TONUGE OUT IN WHAT INTERNATIONAL OBSERVERS ARE CALLING THE NAH-NAH-NAH-NO-ONE-LIKES-YOU! STRATEGY.

"CONDI, TAKES IT TO THE PLAYGROUND," SAID 'DESERT FOX' MADELEINE ALBRIGHT ADMIRINGLY. "MY FATHER TAUGHT HER EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS."

"NOT TRUE," SAID RICE WRAPPING AN ARM AROUND ALBRIGHT. "MAD MADDY SPEAKS 7 LANGUAGES. I ONLY SPEAK 5. IT WAS MAD MADDY WHO TAUGHT ME THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY LANGUAGES YOU
SPEAK --"

"AS LONG AS YOU CAN LIE IN ALL OF THEM!" RICE AND ALBRIGHT FINISHED TOGETHER BEFORE BURSTING INTO GAILS OF LAUGHTER.

"WELL, I'VE GOT TO RUN," SAID MAD MADDY, WIPING AWAY TEARS OF JOY,
"I STILL NEED TO STOP BY THE UNITED NATIONS TO RANSACK SOME ANTIBIOTICS AND VACCINES. THIN OUT THE HERD! THIN OUT THE HERD!"

"I FEEL YOU!" SHOUTED CONDI AS MAD MADDY MOVED AT A PACE MUCH FASTER THAN ONE WOULD EXPECT FROM A WOMAN OF HER GIRTH.

"SHE'S GOOD PEOPLE," CONDI EXPLAINED. "SHE KEEPS IT REAL."



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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY FINDS NEW BLAME-GOAT!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY FINDS A NEW BLAME-GOAT!
 
AFTER HAVING SPENT HIS ENTIRE 1ST TERM BLAMING EVERYTHING FROM  9/11 TO THE PRICE OF STARBUCKS COFFEE ON THE LAST REAL ELECTED UNITED STATES PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON, BULLY BOY HAS FOUND A NEW BLAME-GOAT FOR HIS 2ND TERM.
 
AND IT ONLY TOOK HIM 15 MONTHS AFTER BEGINNING HIS 2ND TERM TO DO IT!
 
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ONGOING VIOLENCE IN IRAQ?
 
 
IT WAS LEFT TO THE LAST REAL REPORTER IN DC,  HELEN THOMAS, TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS: SADDAM HUSSEIN WAS CAPTURED ON DECEMBER 13, 2003 AND HAS BEEN HELD EVER SINCE.
 
CAUSING WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLEN TO STOP LICKING HIS PRIVATES LONG ENOUGH TO SNAP, "SO WHAT, HELEN?  SO WHAT?  WE'RE ALL KIND OF BUSY HERE!"
 
AT WHICH POINT, SCOTTY RETURNED TO LICKING HIS PRIVATES.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY PULLS BOLTEN SWITCH!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY PULLS BOLTEN SWITCH!
 
WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF ANDREW CARD - GONE.  JOSHUA BOLTON IS THE NEW CHIEF OF STAFF.
 
WITH BULLY BOY'S POLL NUMBERS STUCK IN THE LOW NUMBERS, 37%, BULLY BOY HOPES THAT HE WILL BE ABLE TO MOVE THE ATTENTION AWAY FROM HIS OWN DISMAL PERFORMANCE AND ONTO A SHINY NEW LAP DOG.
 
 
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLEN WHIMPERED, "ALL OF US SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT."
 
OTHER PETS WEREN'T SO WHIPPED. 
 
"NOBODY'S DECLAWED ME!"  HISSED DONALD RUMSFELD.  "THEY START COMING OFF THE DON-MAN, I'LL SCRATCH THEIR EYES OUT."
 
 
 
 
 

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Monday, March 27, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SWITCHES FOCUS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SWITCHES FOCUS!
 
"NO ONE SHOULD PLAY ON PEOPLE'S FEARS OR --" BULLY BOY BEGAN BEFORE BURSTING OUT INTO SOBS OF LAUGHTER. 
 
"SORRY, SORRY,"  HE SAID CATCHING HIS BREATH.  "I DON'T WRITE THIS STUFF, I JUST GET UP HERE AND READ IT."
 
 
BULLY BOY IS CALLING FOR "COMPREHENSIVE IMAGINATION REFORM."  LARGELY BECAUSE HE MEANT TO SAY "IMMIGRATION" AND NO ONE WANTED TO CORRECT HIM AFTER THE FACT.
 
SAID INTERNATIONAL BILLIE JEAN KING LOOK ALIKE WINNER ALBERTO GONZALES, WHO HOBBIES AS UNITED STATES ATTORNEY GENERAL,  "WELL WE ARE STUCK WITH IT NOW.  BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IMAGINATION IS JUST A HOP, SKIP AND RENDENTION AWAY FROM TERRORISM."
 
ALSO SOUNDING AN UPBEAT NOTE WAS ORIGINAL GANGSTER DICK CHENEY WHO, WHILE PROMOTING HIS NEW CD THE BULLIES AND THE TYRANTS ON TRL, DECLARED, "ABSOLUTELY WE NEED TO POLICE IMAGINATION.  THE CIA HAS LEARNED THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN HAD WEAPONS OF MASS IMAGINATION.  WEAPONS OF MASS IMAGINATION ARE A THREAT TO YOU AND TO ME.  IMAGINARY ANTHRAX CAN BE JUST AS DEADLY AS THE REAL THING.  AN IMAGINATION CAN BE DEADLY.  WORD TO THE FUHRER!  I'M OUTTA' HERE!
YOU MUTHAS!  WAR OUT!"
 
 
 
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Friday, March 24, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN SET OF RIDERS

BULLY BOY PRESS IN COLLABORATION WITH CEDRIC'S BIG MIX - DC.

UPDATED AT 8:15 P.M.
THIS JUST IN!

CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN SET OF RIDERS.

THE REVELATIONS THAT DICK CHENEY WOULD NOT TOUR WITHOUT A SET OF DEMANDS BEING MET AT EACH STOP HAS LED TO NEWS THAT HE IS NOT ALONE.

SECRETARY OF STATE CONDI RICE HAS HER OWN LIST OF DEMANDS WHEN SHE IS ON THE ROAD.

AT THE TOP OF THE RICE LIST IS THE FOLLOWING "ALL DEMANDS MUST BE MET OR SECRETARY RICE WILL NOT SPEAK AND MAY ORDER THE BOMBING OF YOUR LOCATION."

THE LIST:

*SANDWICH FIXINGS
MUST INCLUDE:

WHITE BREAD
WHITE MEAT TURKEY
MAYO
WHITE CHEESE (MONTEREY)



*DESSERTS ON HAND SHOULD INCLUDE:
VANILLA ICE CREAM
VANILLA PUDDING
WHITE CAKE
WHITE CHOCOLATE ONLY ***NEVER DARK CHOCOLATE***
NO "ESKIMO PIES" **NOTE THAT SECRETARY RICE DOES NOT FIND THAT AMUSING THE WAY COLIN POWELL DID***
*SUITE MUST BE HAVE PLUSH CARPET, WHITE CARPET. WALLS OF SUITE MUST BE PAINTED WHITE.



*SUITE SHOULD CONTAIN A HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER


*CDS SHOULD BE PROVIDED.
MUSIC SHOULD INCLUDE CDS BY:
THE BEACH BOYS
BARRY MANILOW
ELVIS PRESLEY
EDGAR WINTER


*DVDS SHOULD BE PROVIDED
DVDS SHOULD INCLUDE:
SONG OF THE SOUTH
GONE WITH THE WIND
ANY MOVIE BY WOODY ALLEN


*SECRETARY RICE DOES NOT ***DOES NOT*** TAKE HER COFFEE "BLACK." ROOM SERVICE SHOULD NEVER ASK THAT QUESTION.


*SECRETARY RICE INSISTS UPON WHITE LINENS FOR BEDDING. NO PATTERNS, NO COLORS.

*WHEN THE SECRETARY REQUESTS "RICE" IT IS TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT SHE MEANS "WHITE RICE." ***NOT BROWN RICE, NOT DIRTY RICE.****


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"news roundup and grace (will & grace) socks it to the repubes"
"Iraq, Puerto Rico, Chalmers Johnson and Richard Pryor"
"Will Interview With The Vampire become the new Catcher in the Rye?"
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Thursday, March 23, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY ANNOUNCES LATEST MISSION FOR BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY ANNOUNCES LATEST MISSION FOR BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY!
 
 
BULLY BOY URGED A "CIVIL DEBATE" WHICH MEANS KARL ROVE IS CURRENTLY USING THE CIA, NSA, FBI AND SEVERAL CPAS TO DIG UP DIRT ON ALL OPPONENTS AND NEEDS AT LEAST 24 MORE HOURS BEFORE HE'S PREPARED TO BEGIN LEAKING TO THE PRESS.
 
 
 
 

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

THIS JUST IN! CHENEY SPILLS ALL!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
DICK CHENEY SPILLS ALL.!
 
MUSIC GANGSTA AND FAILED OSCAR NOMINEE DICK CHENEY SAID NO MORE MOVIES FOR HIM.
 
"I'M DONE WITH THAT," SAID THE VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY.  "BROKEDOWN DEMOCRACY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME.  NOT EVEN THE SHOOTING SCENES."
 
WHEN ASKED OF THE LOVE SCENES, VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY GLOWERED BEFORE DISMISSING THE TOPIC.
 
"THAT'S ALL BEHIND ME,"  CHENEY SAID WITH A FLASH OF BLING-BLING. "I'M A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER NOW."
 
NOTING THAT THERE HAD BEEN "TOO MUCH DR. PHIL" AND "NOT ENOUGH OPRAH IN MY BAG," VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY SAYS HE WANTS TO WORK ON BECOMING "THE MASTER OF ALL MEDIA."
 
WHEN REMINDED OF A POPULAR DC JOKE ("IF CHENEY EMERGES FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION ON FEBRUARY 2ND AND SEES HIS SHADOW THERE WILL BE 6 MORE WEEKS OF WINTER"), THE VICE PRESIDENT DISMISSED ALL THAT AS "SO YESTERDAY, SO DAVE CHAPPELLE."
 
INSTEAD, DICK CHENEY WANTS TO "SPREAD LOVE AND JOY" HE OFFERED IN A LOW GROWL.
 
REFERENCING HIS SPEECH AT SCOATT AIR FORCE BASE THE DAY BEFORE, THE VICE PRESIDENT SAID THAT WAS THE SORT OF ROLE HE SAW HIMSELF IN.
 
ADDRESSING THE CROWD, DICK CHENEY INFORMED THEM, "THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO QUIT.  THAT IS NOT AN OPTION."
 
"I BRING JOY, I CREATE REALITY," EXPLAINED THE VICE PRESIDENT.
 
WHEN ASKED IF HE MEANT A WORD HE SAID, THE VICE PRESIDENT SEMI-BEATIFIC MANNER MOMENTARILY SLID.  FORCING A SMILE, CHENEY STATED THAT THE KEY TO THE MOTIVATIONAL CIRCUIT IS "NEVER SHARING ANYTHING YOU BELIEVE IN, NEVER UTTERING A TRUTH."
 
WITH THAT THE INTERVIEW CONCLUDED AS SCOOTS LIBBY ENTERED THE DRESSING ROOM CARRYING THE WHITE FUR CAPE THE VICE PRESIDENT QUICKLY DONNED.  BLOWING KISSES AT A FEW STARTLED PASSER BYS, CHENEY CLIMBED INTO A LIMO WHICH PULLED AWAY TO THE STRAIN OF "DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY."
 
 
 

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SAYS TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SAYS TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS!
 
TODAY BULLY BOY BRAGGED THAT HE WAS "OPTIMISTIC" AND THAT PART OF THE OPTIMISM WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT TROOPS WILL REMAIN IN IRAQ FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.
 
IN WHAT IS BEING BILLED AS HIS "SPIT ON THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES" BULLY BOY RESPONDED TO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHEN THE TROOPS MIGHT LEAVE IRAQ, "THAT WILL BE DECIDED BY FUTURE PRESIDENTS AND FUTURE GOVERNMENTS OF IRAQ."
 
THOUGH BULLY BOY TRIED TO APPEAR UPBEAT THIS WAVE OF OPERATION HAPPY TALK IS LIKELY TO GO OVER WELL.
 
NO DOUBT BULLY BOY WILL BE HELPED BY A CORPORATE PRESS WHICH PREFERS TO COVER PHONEY TREND STORIES AS OPPOSED TO WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING ON THE GROUND.
 
 
 
 

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Monday, March 20, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY WON'T CALL IT "WAR"!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY WON'T CALL IT "WAR"!
 
THROUGHOUT SUNDAY, BULLY BOY ATTEMPTED TO LAUNCH YET ANOTHER WAVE OF OPERATION HAPPY TALK REGARDING IRAQ.  AS PART OF THE NEW ROLL OUT, HE REFUSED TO CALL IT "WAR."
 
WHEN ASKED IF HE HAD A NASTY CASE OF "WAR GOT YOUR TONGUE?", WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTT MCCLELLAN ATTEMPTED TO DEFUSE THE SITUATION BY SAYING THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO "AVOID" THE TERM, HE HAD SIMPLY FORGOTTEN THAT WE WERE, IN FACT, AT WAR.
 
SAID MCCLELLAN,  "BULLY BOY FORGETS MANY THINGS.  SOMETIMES HE FORGOTS TO FLUSH.  SOMETIMES HE FORGETS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.  SOMETIMES HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM BUT FORGETS TO PHYSICALLY GO TO A BATHROOM FIRST.  HE HAS A LOT ON HIS MIND.  IT IS A GREAT MIND.  IT IS AN IMPORTANT MIND.  ALL PRAISE THE BULLY BOY."
 
IN OTHER NEWS, MARCHERS MARCHED ON THE PENTAGON TODAY AND ATTEMPTED TO DELIVER A COFFIN TO DONALD RUMSFELD.  THE EFFORT PROVED UNSUCCESSFUL AS POLICE REFUSED TO LET NEAR THE PENTAGON.
 
COMMENTED ONE POLICE OFFICER WHO ASKED NOT TO BE NAMED,  "SECRETARY RUMSFELD IS REALLY AFRAID THAT A PINK SLIP IS COMING HIS WAY.  HE TOLD US 'DON'T LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.'  THIS REQUEST MEANT WE HAD TO TASER A HIGHLY AGITATED JOHN BOLTON.  WELL ... WE DIDN'T HAVE TO.  IT WAS JUST TOO FUN TO RESIST."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Friday, March 17, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY SHOCKS CABINET!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY SHOCKS CABINET!
 
TODAY BULLY BOY HAD HIS CABINET ASSEMBLE AND SHOCKED THEM ALL WHEN HE ENTERED.
 
BULLY BOY WAS WEARING SHOES WITH CORAL-COLORED POMPOMS ATTACHED, A PLEATED GREEN A-LINE SKORT, OVER A PURPLE BODYSUIT TURTLENECK.
 
NOTING THE STARES, BULLY BOY EXPLAINED THAT WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTT MCCLELLAN FILLED HIM ON SATURDAY'S DRILL.
 
 
"YOU CAN'T HAVE A DRILL TEAM WITHOUT A CAPTAIN,"  BULLY BOY SAID EXCITEDLY RUSHING OVER TO A JAM BOX ON HIS DESK.  "THAT'S ME!"
 
AS T-PAIN'S "I'M N LUV (WIT A STRIPPER)" BLASTED THROUGH THE OVAL OFFICE, BULLY BOY CLASPED HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND YELLED,  "READY?  OKAY!" 
 
SCOTT MCCLELLAN, WEARING A LAVENDER ONSIE RUSHED IN TO THE OVAL OFFICE TO EXPLAIN TO THE BULLY BOY THAT THE 'DRILL TEAM' WOULD NOT BE PERFORMING A DANCE ROUTINE ON SATURDAY BUT STAGING A SMALLPOX DRILL.
 
AS WHITE HOUSE PET MCCLELLAN LED A SADDENED BULLY BOY OUT OF THE OVAL OFFICE, BULLY BOY COULD BE HEARD TO SAY, "WELL THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE MUCH FUN, NOT MUCH FUN AT ALL."
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY LAUNCHES OPERATION GET IT UP!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY LAUNCHES OPERATION GET IT UP!
 
THE MILITARY IS CALLING IT "A SHOW OF FORCE" AND "THE LARGEST AIR ASSAULT"; OBJECTIVE OUTSIDERS ARE DUBBING IT THE BIGGEST WAR CRIMES OF THE OCCUPATION SINCE THE INVASION BEGAN UNDER FALSE PREMISES; BUT BULLY BOY JUST CALLS IT "OPERATION GET IT UP!" AS US FORCES, UNDER THE COVER OF A FEW TOKEN IRAQI FORCES, BEGIN DROPPING BOMBS ON VARIOUS SECTIONS OF IRAQ.
 
EXPLAINED THE BULLY BOY, "THEY WANT TO CALL IT 'OPERATION SWARMER' BUT I DON'T GET HOW IT'S WARMER THERE?  IT'S NOT EVEN SUMMER YET!  AND PEOPLE JOKE ABOUT MY SMARTS?  SHEESH.  I LIKED 'OPERATION BOMB THE HELL' OUT OF THEM. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED A CHEER FROM MY SCHOOL DAYS WHEN I WAS ON THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD.  WANT TO SEE ME DO THE SPLITS?"
 
WHEN NO ONE AFFIRMED THAT THEY DID, BULLY BOY FROWNED A MOMENT THEN BEGAN CLAPPING AND SHAKING HIS BOOTY WHILE CHANTING, "KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  WE GOTTA' KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!  WE GOTTA KEEP THAT SPIRIT UP!"
 
GRINNING MADLY, BULL BOY THEN THREW HIS HANDS IN THE AIR, LEPT AND ATTEMPTED TO LAND IN A SPLIT.
 
THE SHRIEK WAS HEARD THROUGHOUT DC.
 
AS ANDREW CARD HELPED BULLY BOY WALK OUT OF THE ROOM, THE BULLY BOY OF THE UNITED STATES COULD BE HEARD MUTTERING,  "MY THINGIES HURT!  OUCHY!  OUCHY!  MY THNGIES!"
 
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN, LOOKING VERY SHARP WITH BLUE AND WHITE BOWS AND MATCHING NAIL POLISH, EXPLAINED THAT BULLY BOY WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO DO A SPLIT.
 
"WHAT YOU SAW,"  THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SPOKESPERSON EXPLAINED, "WAS OUR BELOVED BULLY BOY ATTEMPTING TO DEMONSTRATE A BOMB DROPPING FROM A FLYING CHINOOK.  IT WAS A MANLY DISPLAY. OUR BLESSED AND MANLY BULLY BOY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING AS GIRLY AS A CHEER."
 
WHEN THE LAST REAL REPORTER LEFT STANDING IN DC, HELEN THOMAS, ASKED ABOUT INJURIES AND NOTED BULLY BOY'S REMARKS ABOUT HIS "THINGIES" SCOTTY NODDED IN AGREEMENT,  "YES, HELEN, OUR FEARLESS LEADER HAS STONES.  BIG STONES.  GREAT BIG STONES.  HE'S QUITE THE MAN.  SOMETIMES JUST STANDING NEXT TO HIM MAKES ME DOUBT MY OWN MASCULINITY."
 
A DRUNKEN WOMAN, DOWNING CANS OF LONE STAR BEER, SHOUTED OUT, "IT'S CALLED 'OPERATION GET IT UP' BECAUSE HE CAN'T!"
 
WHITE HOUSE PET SCOTTY MCCLELLAN DENIED THAT THE WOMAN, WHO LOOKED A GREAT DEAL LIKE THE FIRST LADY, WAS IN FACT LAURA BUSH.
 
AS THE WOMAN WAS LED AWAY BY TWO YOUNG WOMEN WHOM SCOTTY SAID WERE NOT BARBARA AND JENNA BUSH, THE WHITE HOUSE PET EXPLAINED, "THE LAURA BUSH LOOK IS JUST A VERY POPULAR, A VERY STYLISH LOOK, THIS YEAR.  I'VE CONSIDERED ADOPTING IT MYSELF."
 
 
 
 
 


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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

THIS JUST IN! WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG FROTHS AT THE MOUTH!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG FROTHS AT THE MOUTH!
 
STAY AWAY FROM HIS BONE!
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTT MCCLELLAN SNARLED AND SNAPPED AT THE CD PRESS CORPS TODAY AS HE BARKED THAT HE WAS "TIRED OF SOME OF THE QUESTIONS."
 
WHAT MADE THE LITTLE DOGGY'S TAIL STOP WAGGING?
 
SUGGESTIONS BY WOULD BE COMEDIAN SENATOR NORM COLEMAN THAT THE WHITE HOUSE STAFF MIGHT BE TIRED AND NEEDING TO BE PUT TO SLEEP OR AT LEAST GIVEN A REST.
 
YAP-YAP-YAP REPLIED SCOTTY.
 
"THE BULLY BOY HAS A SMART, CAPABLE AND EXPERIENCE TEAM THAT IS FULLY COMMITTED TO HELPING HIM ADVANCE HIS DESTRUCTIVE AGENDA AND GET THINGS DONE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,"  GROWLED SCOTTY BARELY LOOKING UP FROM THE KIBBLE IN HIS DOGGY BOWL.
 
 
WHEN THE LINE OF QUESTIONING CONTINUED, SCOTTY BARED HIS TEETH, THE FUR ON HIS NECK RUFFLED AND FLARED AND WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A VERY NASTY SCENE WAS AVOIDED ONLY BY THE PASSING OF A FIRE TRUCK.
 
AFTER SCOTTY WAS DONE HOWLING ALONG WITH THE SIREN HE APPEARED TO BE IN A MUCH BETTER MOOD AS HE SCRATCHED HIS EAR WITH A BACK PAW.  AROUND THIS TIME, THE WHITE HOUSE PET DISMISSED THE ENTIRE QUESTIONING AS "WASHINGTON BABBLE THAT GOES ON IN THIS TOWN."
 
BEFORE HE COULD CONTINUE ON THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT, SCOTTY WAS SCOOPED UP BY WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR AND NATIONAL MENACE TO SOCIETY KARL ROVE. 
 
DENYING REPORTS THAT ROVE WAS TAKING HIM IN FOR A FLEA AND TICK BATH, SCOTTY INSISTED HE WAS JUST GOING TO GET HIS NAILS PAINTED AND A FEW BOWS PUT IN HIS HAIR.
 
SCOTTY SAID, LICKING HIS PRIVATES,  "THIS IS PART OF THE PARLOR GAME."
 
 
 
 

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY PLAYS LINK GAME!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY PLAYS LINK GAME!
 
ATTEMPTING TO REVIVE HIS FALTERING CAREER, BULLY BOY DECLARED THAT "COALITION FORCES HAVE SEIZED IEDS AND COMPONENTS THAT WERE CLEARLY PRODUCED IN IRAN" AS PART OF HIS "LINK STRATEGY." 
 
JUST AS HE SOLD THE IRAQ WAR TO MANY BY FALSELY LINKING IRAQ TO 9/11, BULLY BOY NOW ATTEMPTS TO PLAY "LINKAGE" WITH IRAQ AND IRAN.
 
"IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG," SNIFFED 1 OBSERVER UNIMPRESSED WITH THE LATEST REMIX. 
 
THIS COMES AT A TIME WHEN BULLY BOY'S FAVORABILITY NUMBERS HAVE DROPPED TO 36%.
 
MEANWHILE A WOMAN WHO THE WHITE HOUSE SAYS IS NOT LAURA BUSH IS MAKING IT KNOW THAT SHE'S READY FOR A WOMAN PRESIDENT.
 
WHITE HOUSE LAP DOG SCOTTY MCCLELLAN BROKE AWAY FROM A GAME OF FETCH LONG ENOUGH TO AGAIN SAY, "THAT WOMAN IS NOT LAURA BUSH.  I DO NOT KNOW WHY SHE CONTINUES TO IMPERSONATE THE FIRST LADY."
 
 
 
 

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Monday, March 13, 2006

THIS JUST IN! BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD!

BULLY BOY PRESS - DC.
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
BULLY BOY DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD!
 
BULLY BOY SCOFFED TODAY AT THE IDEA THAT RUSS FEINGOLD'S PROPOSAL MIGHT BE GREETED WARMLY.
 
"I DID NOT SAY A DIRTY WORD,"  BULLY BOY INSISTED.  "I DID NOT.  BESIDES HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WHEN HE CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE THE WORD?  CEN-SURE-ED.  IT'S 'CENSORED.'  ANY DUMMY KNOWS THAT."
 
MISS "JUNIOR ZELL MILLER" JOE LIEBERMAN WAS QUICK TO REVEAL THE YELLOW STREAK RUNNING DOWN HIS BACK AS HE BACKED UP THE BULLY BOY BY INSISTING, "I'D PREFER TO SEE US SOLVE THE PROBLEM."
 
ASKED IF THERE WAS ANY TRUTH TO THE RUMORS THAT HE WAS PLANNING TO RUN ON A PRESIDENTIAL TICKET IN 2008, LIEBERMAN REPLIED, "THAT ALL DEPENDS ON SENATOR BILL FRIST.  I'VE MADE IT VERY CLEAR TO HIM THAT UP FOR THE CHALLENGE, EAGER TO FILL A SLOT ON A FRIST-LIEBERMAN TICKET.  RIGHT NOW THE STUMBLING BLOCK APPEARS TO BE THAT I REMIND HIM OF THE DAD ON ALF.  I TOLD HIM IT COULD BE WORSE, I COULD REMIND HIM OF A CAT."
 
NEWLY DECLARED SENATE CANDIDATE NED LAMONT RESPONDED, "THAT'S WHY I'M CHALLENGING THIS LOSER."
 
Recommended: "Other Items"
 
 
 

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